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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell dd's friends parents

28 replies

frenchie12 · 05/12/2016 14:30

I have just found out that dd's friend is telling her parents she is with dd on a weekend at the local shopping centre but she isn't. This has happened 2-3 times apparently. Friend ends up going alone for hours.

Do I tell her parents or keep my nose out

OP posts:
Original poster
frenchie12 · 05/12/2016 14:30

She is 13

OP posts:
JohnLapsleyParlabane · 05/12/2016 14:30

I think you need to tell them.

Nanny0gg · 05/12/2016 14:31

Would you want to know?

I would.

WatchingFromTheWings · 05/12/2016 14:31

I'd be speaking to the other parents if it were me. And I'd want to know if it were my daughter.

BertrandRussell · 05/12/2016 14:31

At 13 I'd tell them.

DearMrDilkington · 05/12/2016 14:31

I'd probably tell her parents. If anything happens you'll feel absolutely awful. It also puts your dd off doing the same thing.

formerbabe · 05/12/2016 14:32

I'd definitely tell them.

Original poster
frenchie12 · 05/12/2016 14:32

I would. Only way I can contact them is by letter and dd will go off it if she finds out

OP posts:
MiddleClassProblem · 05/12/2016 14:32

I would tell and let DD know why you have to tell too.

steppemum · 05/12/2016 14:47

definitely tell.
I would really want to know if it was my dd.

The only context that I can think of where not telling is OK, is if she is avoiding home because it is abusive, and keeping away from home to avoid it. Even then, she needs someone to help, not to be wondering round on her own.

I would tell dd you have to tell. But also, maybe, tell her it is OK fro friend to hang out at yours genuinely if she doesn't want to be at home.

Crispbutty · 05/12/2016 14:50

Is there really no option to call round rather than tell them by letter?

Original poster
frenchie12 · 05/12/2016 14:58

They live the other side of town. . Plus the friend may be there

OP posts:
roundandroundthehouses · 05/12/2016 14:59

Does your dd happen to know what she is doing there? And if so, would she tell you? I agree that as the friend's parent I would want to know, in case she was involved in something unsuitable. However it would be very good to know whether she might be trying to escape from a bad situation at home.

christinarossetti · 05/12/2016 14:59

What's your dd's sense of what her friend is doing for hours?

I can't imagine why a 13 year old girl would want to wander around a shopping centre by herself out of choice tbh. Unfortunately, it's more likely that she's meeting someone that she doesn't want her parents or anyone else knowing about.

You need to have a discussion with your dd about why you can't keep this information to yourself. If you know nothing about the home situation or don't know the parents, I would contact the child's school tbh.

PlumsGalore · 05/12/2016 15:02

Definitely contact the school and ask them to be involved. I also doubt she would wander round the shopping centre alone on several occasions. She could be meeting up with someone that her parents won't approve of, or worse.

Crispbutty · 05/12/2016 15:08

It's at the weekend. It's none of the schools business.

Floggingmolly · 05/12/2016 15:10

I'd want to know.

Maroonie · 05/12/2016 15:11

The school can contact the parents directly though, if OP doesn't have a phone number for them then it's hard to tell them herself without drawing the attention of the girls

BorpBorpBorp · 05/12/2016 15:19

If you feel like you need to say something to someone, it should be to the school, in case she's doing it to escape a bad situation at home. I used to wander around town for hours on my own at 13, so I don't think that in itself is weird, but I didn't feel the need to lie to my parents about it.

BooeyBubbleHead · 05/12/2016 15:19

The school will be interested as it could potentially be a safeguarding issue - she could have met someone online, she may be being groomed. Schools take the risk of CSE very seriously.

LunaLoveg00d · 05/12/2016 15:24

Tell the parents. I have a child a similar age and I would want to know.

Wookiecookies · 05/12/2016 15:25

You are going to have to tread carefully here, so as not to break the trust of your DD (its important she feels she can confide in you going forward.)
Try to get as much info as possible from your daughter first, then I recommend contacting school, as even though its outside school hours, it is a difficult subject to broach and they may be able to find a way round it that doesnt cause your DD any issues within school or they can give you some guidance as to how to approach things directly with the parents.

Either way, the parents do need to know asap.

Maverickismywingman · 05/12/2016 15:25

Not telling them is lying by omission.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 05/12/2016 15:49

You need to tell them - it is irrelevant that your dd will 'kick off'.

BabyGanoush · 05/12/2016 15:49

Your DD might get into trouble with her peer group (friend's friends) if it comes out you're the one that told her parents.

I'd stay out of it.