AIBU or was this a really nasty thing to say?

[Crisscrosscranky]

I've posted before about a difficult relationship with DH's dad's side of the family.

DH is one of 5 boys - he has two half brothers on his mother's side (A and B) and two half brothers on his dad's side (C and D). He is the only child between his mum and his dad who split when he was very young.

Our DD is 9. Two of DH's brothers (A and B) adore her and she is, as you would expect in a family of men, treated like a princess. DH's dad's side, and brothers C and D have never shown much interest at all- in her or in our lives. I had put this down to step-MIL being a bitch TBH.

I am 10 weeks pregnant and DH told his DF yesterday. His DF said "Congratulations, excellent news- now you can redeem yourself and have a boy this time". .

It's not that they would like a boy - I get that. Lots of family have said "it would be nice to have one of each". It's the word "redeem"; like we did something wrong with DD.

I am angry and upset. This baby has been a long time coming for us and I quite honesty don't care what sex it is so long as it's healthy. If baby is a boy I'm worried they are going to try and be all over him and DD will feel like she's not wanted which is apparently not far from the truth. If it's a girl I am sad for my DH as he thinks his DF is the bees knees and I think a big bit of him if hoping for a son to please his dad. I want to go NC but DH won't.

AIBU or was it a really nasty thing to say?

Ignore, ignore. Can't change people, only your reaction to them. You're pregnant and delighted, just focus on the good stuff.

I'd think it was a rely strange comment and probably wouldn't bother replying. But going NC seems OTT.

Just ignore what a wanker - I hope its a girl! Congrats it doesn't matter what the bump is as long as it is healthy and loved. Ignore the old tosser!

I think it was a pretty unpleasant thing to say, especially off the back of all the other crap you've had to put up with.
But, as you know, and as has been said before, you can't make your DH go NC with his father.

You can, however, decide that there is no benefit for your DD to see him, since he thinks she's defective (penisless) - depending of course on how she feels about him. And similarly when the new baby arrives (congratulations!) - you don't have to let him anywhere near until you're ready to deal with him; or until the baby's old enough to go without you for a visit.

It's entirely up to you whether or not you decide to continue bothering with him - since he's splitting with one potential cause of family disharmony, he might change his game up a notch when she's out of the picture - but you obviously have to let your DH do what he has to do.

When I had DS my MIL said to me "we all love [Buttercup], but now that you have a son you will know how much a mother can love her child".

OMG! - speechless, literally speechless.

He might be a grade a twat the rest of the time but I really think he was joking this time.
Honestly it's the type of thing my FIL might say, I would just roll my eyes and treat it as beneath me.

The uncles treating DD as a princess is very strange and also a bit high maintenance of you to expect it TBH! It makes you seem a bit odd

Thanks for your replies.

FWIW my daughter isn't a princess- I think I worded it wrong! What I meant is she has half a family who will quite happily put their beer and video games down to play barbies or lego with her [uncles are all early twenties/late teens] and half a family who don't even invite her to family do's. She's 9 not stupid - for now she realises that bit of the family are just not as close; my worry is if they show a lot of interest in a new brother she'll realise it's her sex that was an issue and that's a pretty shitty thing.

Your FIL is a prize prat, with the mentality of Henry VIII, but you know that. These are the words of a prize prat, they matter not a jot.

Just remind yourself of that.

XH is from a family of mostly boys, 1 girl in 2 generations. When we had DS1 FIL said "you promised me a wee girl." When we had DD1 he said "I was just getting used to wee boys." I wasn't offended, I took it the way it was meant. Although "redeemed" isn't a great choice of words.

Being really nosey did yiu get/take the job with MIL. Also you referred to them possibly splitting up - did they?

I'd probably not bother getting presents etc for them anymore and if they query it say you're only doibg "family" presents now.

Eek iphone/stubby fingers spellings!

I think you are overreacting. As evidenced by the examples above, people say odd things. Sometimes because they are mean but usually because they are not thinking about what they are saying +- joking.

'Redeem' suggest he's from that sad group of males that think a man isn't a man unless he's produced a boy (having a girl lessens their manliness don't you know). There's a name for it but I've completely forgotten it!!