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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have taken offence to this or should I have been the bigger person . . .

32 replies

ZanyMobster · 05/12/2016 11:43

On a facebook closed group, discussing a specific type of holidays that's all.

Someone posted about their holiday then ended by saying that 'apparently and allegedly' able bodied people were using the lifts yet again.

Quite a few people came on and said that they looked ok to outsiders but actually can only manage a flight of stairs at a time etc. I said that I thought the poster shouldn't be so quick to judge and actually the lifts are there for everyone as long as everyone is considerate and ensures the priority users get in first.

I was basically jumped on by the admin but felt I needed to keep arguing my point, he is usually a reasonable person so I thought explaining how yes of course people may make snap judgements at first sight but surely it's unacceptable to publicly say that sort of thing as it purposely causes offence, I likened it to moaning on there about a child having a tantrum when in fact they have special needs, I said surely he wouldn't accept that as admin of the site. His response was that regardless of special needs if it's causing a disturbance then it's the parents fault.

I was fuming at this point so went on to explain why it isn't ok to say that. He kept saying that if you don't know then how can you not judge, well er by not judging or just keeping it to yourself or maybe even opening your mind a bit.

WIBU? I am super sensitive at the moment as DS2 is in the process of a possible autism diagnosis so not sure I am thinking straight about it all.

OP posts:
Maxwellthecat · 05/12/2016 11:46

Are able bodied people not supposed to use lifts???

user1480182169 · 05/12/2016 11:46

I would have just told them that anyone can use elevators for whatever reason they want. Elevators are not a disability aid, they are for anyone who wants to use them.
I'd also tell them all to fuck off and leave the group.

Soubriquet · 05/12/2016 11:47

I think sometimes you can't argue with people who determined to not be wrong

So you should have made your point and then walked away when they started arguing back.

SausageSoda · 05/12/2016 11:47

Do you really need to be a member of this group? The admin sounds a bit bonkers and not worth the stress

Original poster
ZanyMobster · 05/12/2016 11:51

I have left the group now, thanks.

I did say that User (not the fuck off bit), as did the Admin but his gripe with me is that I said that the poster shouldn't judge the 'apparent' able bodied people as surely they can't know they are able bodied and that maybe we should be mindful. I also said I would use the lifts when I fancied whether it is when I am in pain (with plantar faciitis) or if I just couldn't be bothered to use the stairs.

I did get the feeling I should have walked away sooner Soubriquet, I have done so now though.

OP posts:
Soubriquet · 05/12/2016 11:59

It's very frustrating through. I get that

Never has a lift been advertised for just the disabled. Though it's nice to allow the disabled to go ahead.

So I do get your point. But like they say, you can't argue with stupid

Original poster
ZanyMobster · 05/12/2016 12:04

Thanks, it was the SN comment that riled me so then I didn't back down. I definitely need a thicker skin!

OP posts:
Hardshoulder · 05/12/2016 12:04

I'm still confused. Who is suggesting that lifts are only for people with mobility problems?

Maxwellthecat · 05/12/2016 12:08

I'm confused too!

Original poster
ZanyMobster · 05/12/2016 12:11

Sorry if I have confused everyone.

The poster on the group I was on said that it was evident that able bodied people were using the lifts. I (and others) said that surely anyone can use a lift as long as they are considerate and let priority users get in first where possible, I also pointed out that maybe people shouldn't be so judgmental and basically was told that unless you actually know there's a disability then it's fine to judge.

OP posts:
Original poster
ZanyMobster · 05/12/2016 12:12

So no one has ever officially said able bodied people can't use the lifts, it was a completely bizarre comment from this poster.

OP posts:
PlumsGalore · 05/12/2016 12:29

Oh bugger, next time I go to M&S I will ensure I push my trolley up the stairs if I need to go to Menswear on the second floor. Thanks for the heads up! - don't want to offend anyone.

Original poster
ZanyMobster · 05/12/2016 12:34

Absolutely Plums. Although, I think it may only apply on cruise ships but I would love to see people trying to push a trolley up the stairs. I do consider that I need the lift up at times when I have had a few drinks and wearing 4" heels. It could be dangerous otherwise!

OP posts:
Hardshoulder · 05/12/2016 12:35

It's a very weird thing to say, to complain about able-bodied people using lifts! I thought you might have meant those ones you occasionally get in shops or banks where there are changes of floor level, which are usually operated by a staff member, and are clearly aimed at people using wheelchairs, or with mobility problems, or with a pushchair....)

DixieWishbone · 05/12/2016 12:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
ZanyMobster · 05/12/2016 12:42

No, there are lifts all over the ships, even glass ones that go down the middle that people go in just to have a look at the ship so definitely for everyone to use.

The admin definitely has the tendency to target particular people but I didn't leave before as the info is useful and also we have been on lots of cruises so can help out others.

I do wonder what is happening now on that post . . .

OP posts:
LostMyBigGirlPants · 05/12/2016 13:00

His response was that, regardless of special needs, if it's causing a disturbance then it's the parents' fault

I think I just spontaneously combusted at that line. What an ignorant, narrow-minded twat. Grrrr. I have a son with ASD, and I sure am glad I was on this site. Sadly, some people will always choose an argument over opening their minds to educative and sensible responses. Good luck with your child's diagnosis; I don't think you were over-sensitive, just frustrated in the face of sheer stupidity.

LostMyBigGirlPants · 05/12/2016 13:01

Glad I wasn't, I meant!

Agerbilatemycardigan · 05/12/2016 13:04

They sound really judgemental tbh.

I look perfectly fine, but when my arthritis flares up I can't use stairs, and would need to use a lift if one were available. Obviously I would give priority to any wheelchair users or people with sticks etc.

Topseyt · 05/12/2016 13:06

What a weird comment. I have always considered lifts to be there for the use of everyone and can't see why they should not be.

Politeness, consideration for others and common sense are all that is required, surely.

Original poster
ZanyMobster · 05/12/2016 13:06

Thanks Lost, it will be good to have answers for him. That's the comment that did it for me, glad I am off the site now but part of me would have liked to have seen what happened next.

OP posts:
Original poster
ZanyMobster · 05/12/2016 13:07

It was really weird, like you all say, be considerate etc where possible and everyone's happy.

OP posts:
wendywoopywoo222 · 05/12/2016 13:33

The only thing you are wrong about is that the admin in question is a reasonable person, he is an argumentative repulsive mentally unstable twat and him and the OP regularly post silly repetitive statuses to get a rise out of people.

Original poster
ZanyMobster · 05/12/2016 13:59

Wendy, are you on the group or are you speculating? You are absolutely right though of course. I am so glad I am away from it all, I am struggling a bit right now and it really wasn't helping. I feel a bit daft doubting myself now, I was partly expecting a bit of a telling off on here for being argumentative about it.

OP posts:
zukiecat · 05/12/2016 14:40

I am terrified of escalators going down, fine going up but I can get a bit panicky at the top, so I avoid them like the plague,

I do have health issues that can make stairs a bit difficult but it's mainly because of my absolute terror of escalators that I use lifts

Always make sure that anyone with any obvious disabilities or those with prams go first though