To ask for a handhold feeling like the worst mother

[girlontherun]

Hi, I'm a regular who has nc

My DC is 5 and started school this year, DC has always gone to exes regularly, say once a week and every other weekend, he is a great dad, I have no qualms about that, a few months ago ex hours changed at work which means he is able to have DC basically 50% of the time (I had to increase my hours too so all the time DC is with ex I work)

The thing is I feel like such an inadequate mother, I fully support fathers having just as much right as mothers etc, that is not what this is about, I just feel like I should be more of a parent to DC than 50% of the time, I feel guilty and shit and terrified that this is somehow going to have an adverse effect on DC when they're older.

DC dad text me earlier to say DC had had abit of a bad tummy but was ok now and I just felt sick, I feel like I'm missing out on so much

The thing is I work the whole time DC is at exes so it's not like I'm out partying or anything, and I couldn't really afford to work less hours, so it's not something that's going to change in the near future

DC loves their dad but they always say they miss me when they are there and are a little disappointed when I say it's dad picking them up from school (which I don't encourage)

I have even tried to do a little research on 50/50 parenting but literally as soon as the website comes up I'm in tears because I can't believe that's how things have turned out

I don't really have a question, I'm just feeling so low about it, I don't even know what I want from people really other than someone to wave a magic wand and make things different

Hello op. I just wanted to say that I'm sorry you feel this way but it's fantastic that you have a good arrangement of care for your DCs.
Your desire to be with your children is very strong but you have put the needs of your children first which makes you a brilliant mother. The DC will benefit so much more from having both you and their Dad in their lives x

Your DC is blessed to have you both. Do you get time to do something purely for you e.g. exercise class, running group or book club etc? If you don't get time to do interests or hobbies you will be in your own thoughts and miss your D.C. even more when they r with your ex
x

Hi, thank you, I spend a lot of time on my own at work where all I do is think and I suffer from anxiety which doesn't help! But I do get some time to myself while DC is at school and I'm not working which I spend doing the usual cleaning and cooking etc!

You could really benefit from some exercise when your D.C is at school.it could give you a mental break from life and give you a boost for a bit. Also, it could be v.worthwhile talking to your GP about your anxiety.please be kind to yourself. Xxx

You sound like you're doing a great job. Most kids I know with separated parents have to put up with the one parent constantly trying to get one over on the other. How nice for him that you have an amicable relationship and you both get to spend equal amounts of quality time with him.