To not want to cut my hair?

[SerialReJoiner]

My dear friend has just started treatment for cancer. Our mutual friend has emailed me with ideas for ways we can support her (we 3 used to live in each other's pockets but have now moved across the globe from one another), including the possibility of cutting oir hair off as a show of solidarity and possible charitable donation.

I feel awfully selfish, but really don't want to cut my hair. :( Am I being a terrible person?

Also, any ideas of ways I can help/support someone with cancer who lives half the world away would be gratefully received. I feel useless. And selfish.

Urgh, I know it's done with the best intentions but I really don't like all the shaved heads for cancer things. It all seems a bit attention seeking. And having a bald head really isn't the worst thing about having cancer. So no, YANBU.

Keeping in regular contact is the best thing you can do. In a way that doesn't add an extra burden - so nothing that demands a response.

My Nephew is thankfully now in remission, but in the early days after his diagnosis one of my sister's biggest headaches was managing all the people who wanted to help. There were loads of people who felt the need to do "something" when there really was nothing to be done, other than making sure they knew people were there if needed and thinking of/praying for them. DSis found she was inventing things that needed to be done, so that her friends could feel better

Never heard of such a thing. when you say off your hair, is your mutual 'friend' suggesting you shave your head, eyebrows, eyelashes, the works. Sorry I think that's plain silly and not supportive at all. In fact - its making all about you & mutual friend - oh aren't we supportive, we've shaved our heads. So no you are not a terrible or selfish person. The trouble is, everyone feels useless, especially if you're at a distance. Say a very firm No to the mutual friend - shaving your heads will give no comfort or support to your ill friend, even if you make a charitable donation.

Far better to arrange a regular time to skype, even if only for a brief chat. design and make/ buy some lovely silk scarves and hats for her to wear, that sort of thing.

If I had cancer I wouldn't want my friends to shave their heads. I can understand people doing this for their children, because it helps a child not feel 'different' for being bald, but an adult is fully aware that losing your hair through chemo is nothing like shaving your head and having it grow straight back.

Much better to make a donation to a charity, send her lovely treats and surprises by post, do something sponsored in her name or whatever.

Don't want to overstep but there's a fair chance that will make your friend feel a lot worse about herself rather than better. Just being there (not physically but Skype or FaceTime etc) and even email which is actually a bit less threatening will make a huge difference

A friend shaved her head for charity a few years back. She has said it was horrible, she felt like a fraud. There were a lot of rumours flying around and some of them got back to her young children. She hated to leave the house because she would get sympathetic stares and sad looks, especially when she had her children with her.

She has unfortunately suffered a few losses in her family due to cancer and she does a lot of fundraising but she would never think about shaving her head again.

I like the idea of emailing her regularly (I have her mother's email address, which I might use so she doesn't have to reply if she doesn't feel up to it, but can have someone read it out to her iyswim). I also love the idea of sending her regular little cheerful parcels. I was thinking of small things like cards, silly poundland rubbish like stickers and whatnot. Just something to make her smile.

That sounds lovely joiner.

I think this is the wrong move, I hate the pinkification (of breast cancer in particular) and a lot of the language used around cancer.
If a 'friend' had done this when I was shedding hair all over the place due to brutal cancer treatment (& yes it's bloody brutal) I would've been incredibly upset & cut them off.

Yes, shaving your head and looking all gorgeous like Jesse J did doesn't really help someone who is suffering the reality of brutal cancer treatment.

Oh, I would NOT look anything like someone glamourous or gorgeous.

But I'm glad I started this thread, because you have all clarified why I felt vaguely uncomfortable with the notion. (also, vanity)

If I was going through treatment for cancer, I would probably pre-emptively shave my head to avoid the trauma of watching it all fall out. But I wouldn't expect anyone to "join" me.

Thank you all for your thoughts.