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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder how many people not sending Christmas Cards actually donate?

66 replies

PrettySophisticated · 03/12/2016 19:26

I've seen loads of messages already, in the vein of "I'm not sending Christmas Cards and will donate to charity instead."

If you want to donate to Charity, that's lovely. If you don't want to send me a card, that's fine. But, I'm not sure yo need to tell me you're giving "my" card money to charity and I'm not entirely sure I believe that you will.

OP posts:

GravyAndShite · 04/12/2016 09:07

Why does there need to be a link between the cards and the donation though Gravy? You've decided to do a nice thing and give to charity. You've decided not to send cards. Bur why do they need to be linked and why do you need to tell people you're doing it.

Fwiw, I still send a few cards to people I won't see but genuinely care about, but I don't do the mass mailout that used to be so common. Mostly because it seemed pointless, to save me time and avoid waste - nothing to do with charity.

That's an awful lot of judgement for two paragraphs! I do it that way because I want to do it that way. I don't consider what people think of it before I do it, it's my actions and I've chosen to do it that way.

I don't expect my friends to justify their mundane choices to me and I don't expect to be asked to justify mine to them.

I haven't started a thread questioning why people don't send out these emails but you are so concerned that they do. I don't understand why it bothers you so much.

Drquin · 04/12/2016 09:15

Pretty I agree, it's the link between the two that doesn't sit well with me.

Plenty lovely people in this world give generously of their time, talents and money every single day, and often more so at times like Christmas. I do include myself in that group, but obviously have no idea exactly what my friends and family do. The world is a better place for people who care enough about others to do this.
I know people do this, every day without making a public proclamation and very often we don't know what or how much someone donates (whether cash or time) and that's perhaps the way it should be.

Separately, choose to send greetings to people you maybe don't see that often, send a rude card to the friend with the dodgy sense of humour, send a thoughtful card to the friend in need, send a charity card to financially support them and raise awareness of their message, send a card with a particularly Christian message to someone of faith. Or don't. It can be expensive to send the cards, even if you get a cheap set in Poundland. Either way is fine, there's plenty ways to keep in touch.

I don't just don't get a warm & fuzzy feeling inside because you proclaim you'll donate in lieu of cards.
I get that because of your deeds, thinking of others, throughout the year and because you choose to keep in touch with me.

ElizabethHoney · 04/12/2016 09:16

I don't that my friends who do this actually make a donation, although I'm not convinced it would cover the cost of postage!

However, these friends could certainly afford a donation and cards. I think the main motivation is not wanting to spend time ŵriting cards. If not, then surely the free equivalent to a card would be a personalised email, rather than a virtue-signalling bulk email to all friends.

Always irritates me, in contrast to those who just don't send out cards,which doesn't irritate me at all!

milkshakeandmonstermunch · 04/12/2016 09:17

I do tend to think "Will ye, aye?" when I see those posts.

I'm not sending cards this year. It will be the first year I've refrained and tbh will still send to my wee old Auntie etc. but I'm done spending £50 on cards and stamps especially when no one else seems to bother.

I've donated to two charities the same as I do every year. Nothing to do with my lack of cards and I haven't made any such claim on fb.

moomoogalicious · 04/12/2016 09:18

I can't believe people actually give a shit about this

GravyAndShite · 04/12/2016 09:19

I can't believe people actually give a shit about this

TheNaze73 · 04/12/2016 09:19

I think the vast majority do but, don't shout it from the roof tops

user1477282676 · 04/12/2016 09:21

My DD's teacher when she was in year 4, told them all she had a gift for them. It was two goats she'd bought for a village in Africa.

BurnTheBlackSuit · 04/12/2016 09:22

Those who post a mass message on Facebook "I won't be sending Christmas cards this year, but will be donating to charity instead" and don't specify the charity and say why it's important make me wonder. If they can only be bothered to copy and paste a vague message like that, I don't think they will put in the (small) effort to donate to a charity.

Friends who post the same but tell you about the charity that's dear to them- thereby raising awareness of the charity and its cause- I believe they've donated because they have taken the time to tell everyone about it. And actually, if the donation is made in lieu of sending ME a Christmas card, then I'd like to know where my in lieu of Christmas card money is making a difference.

GravyAndShite · 04/12/2016 09:23

user1477282676 she was obviously just virtue signalling if you read this thread!

"Hi children I bought you a gift but I can't tell you what it was because some bitter charitable people will be angry at me because I will get recognition for giving and therefore completely take away the goats from existence because if somebody says 'that's a nice thing to do' the goats will no longer exist or be useful..."

DailyCRAPMail · 04/12/2016 09:24

I don't but I don't pretend. I give to charity and volunteer but not to 'cover' my non sending of cards.

Original poster

PrettySophisticated · 04/12/2016 09:25

That's it Elizabeth! That's why it bothers me (not much really, a fleeting thought whist pottering on MN).

If it were just about saving the money in order to give to charity, the time and effort could still go into sending some other form of personal message, but it doesn't. The charity thing (whether they do it or not) is just a way of justifying the fact that they cba to send cards. Which doesn't need justifying, send them or don't, either is fine.

OP posts:

mydietstartsmonday · 04/12/2016 09:27

I think sending Christmas cards Is a total waste for the environment. It doesn't mean I don't care for people but I hate to see the cards all in the recycle bin afterwards. I will be sending money to a disignated charity that I support all year round and will send an extra donation for Christmas. I will probably donate £100 and I will be sending a message on social media wishing everyone a Merry Christmas and happy New Year and telling them I have donated to the charity in Leui of a card. So my choice, so that is what I will do.

BewtySkoolDropowt · 04/12/2016 09:30

Not sending cards just takes something from the recipients.

How does not giving something (that fewer and fewer people give a damn about anyway) suddenly equal taking something?

What an odd way of looking at a (imo sensible, environmentally friendly, time-saving and financially prudent) decision.

I don't send cards. If this upsets anyone that's their issue, not mine. I'm not taking anything away from anybody though. In fact I'm saving them the hassle of finding a place to put the generic piece of cardboard that seem to often be sent because people think they should rather than because they want to.

moomoogalicious · 04/12/2016 09:31

The charity thing (whether they do it or not) is just a way of justifying the fact that they cba to send cards

Or it could be that the person is doing something, y'know, charitable.

I cba to send cards. It's a waste of paper and time in my opinion. But I don't judge other people's reasons for doing it.

SallyGinnamon · 04/12/2016 09:33

We haven't sent cards for about 3 years. Not due to cost but because it is such a tedious job DH and I used to argue about who had to do it....then we realised neither of us had!

So no link to charitable donations but we do give £15 a month give-as-you-earn to a few charities anyway. Not just for Christmas.

crayfish · 04/12/2016 09:36

To be fair I would have donated regardless as we do year round, and also raise a lot of money for 'our' charity throughout the year. The 'telling people it's in lieu of cards' bit is really just to stop my MIL moaning about how she didn't get a card that, frankly, is a waste of money and bad for the environment.

Also can't really see why people are bothered about this - what's it got to do with you what other people do or don't do? I wasn't planning on sending any of you a card anyway...

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 04/12/2016 09:38

A lot of bereaved parents don't send cards because we don't want to write out cards without the names of our children on them.

It's fucking gut wrenching having to write out the names of the whole family with a name missing.

As per usual though bereaved parents are damned if they do and damned if they don't, that's why I choose to give money to charity instead, there is a direct link between not sending cards and the charities I give to in my case. If people moan about not getting a card I tell them I donated, if not I just leave it.

Don't be so judgemental, there are millions of reasons not to send cards, and to donate to charity.

Beardsareweird · 04/12/2016 09:39

I don't send cards and I always make a donation.

JustHappy3 · 04/12/2016 10:23

I'm just cynical - i roll my eyes because people have picked somethinv to give up that takes them time and effort.
Not a few bottles of wine, or cut back on a night out or go without new clothes or anything that impacts them in any way other than giving themselves more free time.
So no i'm not impressed. I donate to charity every month and i don't put in on fb and i send cards. And cards and stamps keep people employed so i think that's a good thing.

crayfish · 04/12/2016 10:48

You're eye-rolling and being 'not impressed' about people donating to charity? I'm fairly certain that nobody is doing it to impress you love.

RockyBird · 04/12/2016 10:51

I don't send cards and don't donate.

I don't pretend that I do donate.

I give regularly to various charities throughout the year so I don't feel the need to do a special Xmas donation.

ShelaghTurner · 04/12/2016 10:53

Chuckling at the irony of starting a thread to complain about loud charity giving (or not) and then making sure everyone knows that you give yourself. But quietly

WhiskyTangoFoxtrot · 04/12/2016 10:57

"How does not giving something (that fewer and fewer people give a damn about anyway) suddenly equal taking something?"

Bell, to me, it's because the purpose of sending cards is to please the recipient. So it is that pleasure that is removed.

How much it matters to the recipient will depend on that person's circumstances, and the habits/traditions that have surrounded them until that point.

I do not think that antipathy towards virtue signalling is any indication of that person's own charitable activities. Because it's rooted in aversion to self-aggrandisement, not to actually donating time or giving money.

Original poster

PrettySophisticated · 04/12/2016 10:59

And anonymously shelagh

OP posts:

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