AIBU in not getting involved with DS's hw?

[Ambivalentmum]

I veer from leaving my ds alone to do homework, and he does the bare minimum to checking it and helping him, usually after a concern or a really crappy end of term mark. He is fairly bright but lazy and stubborn year 8 at a selective school, his hormonal teenage attitude does not help at all. While dh and l always offer him help, he rarely accepts it and does less well than most in his class. From overhearing other dps, it appears that many check DC's books every day and put a lot of pressure on them to do their best. AIBU in leaving him alone to do it most of the time? We both work full time and have very little time and energy left in the evening and neither mine nor ds's parents had to supervise or even remind us to do the he

First of all. Are you sure he does less well than most of his class? Are they in sets? Because if they aren't, there are going to be some seriously bright kids in his class.....are you comparing like with like.?

The reports state the percentages of how many achieved what levels. The majority seems to get A or A*. Ds has mainly Bs with a couple of Cs, a D an an A. Some of the kids are very bright, admittedly, most are competitive, too. DS isn't. The form tutor is not concerned. Are we as parents supposed to check all their work all the time and give them crap if it's not up to scratch?

Long term it's self motivated young people able to organise their own schedule who do better... If his classmates are being overly babied, organised and pushed along by their parents it may well backfire while your DS is used to organising himself ...

Of course that's only true if he is doing enough under his own steam not to fall properly behind, but you'd hear about it at parents eves and change tack if that were the case.

My kids actually do better left to themselves, they kick up a fuss and come over all helpless if I get too involved

Targeted intervention is best if there is one subject they struggle in help with that, leave them to it otherwise but keeping an eye on grades.

No sets in his school at the moment but will be later, when they start studying for the GCSEs, at least in maths.

Just check his homework in the subject he is getting a D in... Or the Cs and the D if you think the Cs are not his natural level in those subjects.

Thanks, minutes! That's what I'm trying to do, hopefully it's enough.

I think n year 7, it's,good to get more involved, but as they get older, they need to learn to do it themselves. You won't be there (I hope) to help,them.

I think there nothing wrong in asking if they have homework to do, and to,remind them to,do it, however, to check it on a daily basis?! My son went to a selective and we never did that. Possibly he didn't did so well in exams b cause of this, but at least he learnt how to work himself.

What do they say at parents evenings? If the teachers are happy with his work, then don't worry. If not, then maybe get involved. Maybe not checking his work, but making sure he spends time doing it, and not,playing the Xbox etc.

Sorry, the first paragraph was meant to read,

... you won't be ther, at university...

In year 8, I wouldn't be too worried. I'll start pushing/getting involved with studies at the end of year 9 to the start of year 10 and onwards (and definitely the summer in between), but before that education shouldn't be too pressured. As long as my DC we're doing at least the bare minimum and knew they could come to me for help if they needed it I would be satisfied. I'm more concerned with if they're happy at that age. Not sure what kind of parent that makes me, but they're my priorities.

I would let him know you are there to help especially coming up to exams. Then l would give him the message that l'm sure you know yourself what you need to do and step back. I found the more l stood back the more responsibility my younger ds took and actually the more he asked memory help. I made the mistake of hounding my oldest guy and l might as well have been talking to the wall. My approach with our youngest was a success. So step back. Listen when he discusses stuff and let the responsibility go onto him. Guys often only put the work in when they decide what they want to do and they see the point of it all.