DM seems to think it's ok to talk about my struggles with the family

[HelpNeeded22]

I've NCd for this as I feel a bit stupid.

So last week I went to the Dr and finally put my foot down and explained how low I've been feeling. There's days i don't want to get out of bed but I do it for my DD who I love deeply. I have a very supportive DH who is my rock.

Dr has prescribed some antidepressants which I am pleased about. Dr thinks that it's a hormonal rather than MH issue (lots of dark facial hair where I had none before etc) however I am still breastfeeding so hormonal issues cannot be looked into until we have stopped BFing.

Last night a few females from the family (aunts and cousins) me and my mum went out for dinner. She starts telling everybody what a nightmare I am when I'm due on my period, laughing about it and saying hopefully we won't all be away together when I'm due on.

I'm really hurt. My mum knows I finally went to the GP and it's been really hard to make that step. And to also be open about how I feel. She also said "I don't think you could be a SAHM". I would like to be but finances just dictate I can't.

AIBU to be upset? Am I being precious?

Your mom is being a cow. Can you tell her how her comments have hurt you? Xx

I'm going to try. I don't think I can do it face to face tho without being overly emotional because I'm upset and I'm pissed off xx

How awful for you.
Some people have no bloody filter sometimes especially parents I find. My mum is so insensitive at times and it really gets my goat. I used to get really upset by it and get worked up but now if she says something awful(happened last week funilly enough)
I have an illness for life but strive to be positive I work full time and have three children. Every now and then it rears its ugly head and one of the issues is weight loss. So my mum will say things like "your too thin,you need to eat more,you will make yourself ill"!!
Last week she did it and I threw my toys out of the pram at her and told her actually I am ill and that I can't believe after over three years of having the condition she still hasn't bothered to understand it!!!
She was a bit shocked to start with but some people are so thick skinned you have to force them to be aware of what their comments do to people.

I think you maybe send her an email or text if you can't face telling her to her face.
Tell her she has upset you and made you feel bad in front of other people and your hurt.
By not saying anything will by make her accountable for her actions.

I'm sorry you felt like that too. I want her to know how it's making me feel. Obviously it isn't great feeling worse than I was to start with. I want to tell her how it's made me feel but at the same time I don't want to upset her/rock the boat IYSWIM?

I think she would tell me I'm being precious/stupid etc too. Which would validate how I'm feeling pretty worthless and stuck in a rut

About the SAHM thing. She said it's the lifestyle we lead with electronics etc

We spend £80 a month on phones and TV. £80 x 12 = £960 a year. We need me to earn at least £10k a year. We've been out 4 times this year. My birthday, DHs birthday, our wedding anniversary & a friends birthday. It's local restaurants and pubs so we're not spending £££s.

Clothes for DH & me are birthday gifts like coats etc big items. My coat was £50 so hardly mega bucks.

We couldn't survive on his salary alone. He earns good money but our rent is £1000pcm. We're in a tiny 2 bed house and that's cheap for this area. We're in this area due to family. If we moved further out into Kent what we pay in rent would be paid in train fares instead so we wouldn't save anything. Also we would be without any support etc

I haven't had my hair cut for months. I dye my own hair etc. We don't live a lavish lifestyle at all. We're surviving and have no savings now as it was used for my maternity leave so I could be with my DD as long as possible.

Mothers say crap things - it seems to be a fact of life (my life anyway). If you don't tell her she'll keep doing it. If you do tell her she'll either keep doing it or will stop doing it but will make you feel you were unreasonable / hurtful / over-sensitive etc. So you're not being remotely unreasonable but you're unlikely to get a decent solution

God, it's so annoying and frustrating.

My sister used to do this (I am no contact now it got so bad, with every member of family and then she did it by telling my friends or even strangers, so odd) She would tell anyone that would listen ANYTHING about me, literally anything, the more personal the better. She would text people when I was talking to her, about what I had just said. Despite pleas from me, I finally realised NC was the only way when she started involving tales about my young DD.

Sorry for you
It's a special type of nasty.

I wonder if it's due to mothers knowing all about their children when they're young, and presumably talking about their problems to family or on MN.

But then, not learning to zip it as their children get older and not offering them the same level of confidentiality as they would a friend?

Did you say anything when she started? I wonder if you could think up a few phrases to (nicely!) stop her in her tracks?

Mum, please don't start.
Mum, I don't think anyone needs to hear about that.
Mum, I'm uncomfortable with you sharing that.
Etc. I'm sure you can think up some better ones.

Don't feel stupid.

I don't think it's just mums, I think it's family members, as gleam says, who have known you all your life.

Thank you everyone. I really really appreciate the replies. Gleam I think you're right. I need to come up with a strategy. She still treats me like a child when family are around. I'm in my 30s, married, living out of home for 10 years, have a child & we are financially independent. I'm not an angsty teenager. I am an adult who's struggling and trying to work out the best was forward for me and my family.