To ask what your Sept born 5 year old can do for self

[Helpme9]

I'm probably BU but I'm trying to get a handle on what my Sept born DC should be able to do in terms of self care. Should they be able to think for themselves I need to get dressed and brush my hair? I'm just doing lots of running around after toddler and husband. I feel like honestly they're useless and I do everything for them and they don't know where anything is! I.e. DH getting ready asking am I ready to go out and I'm like how about helping me to dress the kids! 5 year old is independent and bright often does dress self but only with instruction otherwise is happy crafting and creating, colouring and daydreaming all day without thinking maybe I should brush my teeth etc. I'm thinking a chart as a reminder as I think that will work well with DC personality. Maybe I'm expecting too much.

Ps I have a toddler and a 5 year old. Not referring to 5 year old as a toddler!

I think a 5 year old would still need reminding about the boring bits of life like teeth brushing and getting dressed

But your DH shouldn't need reminding that the 5 year old needs reminding!

Yes to a reward chart, especially if you think it will work with her personality. Maybe one star for doing things after being asked once and extra stars if she does them without being asked (but at a sensible time, no star for brushing your teeth immediately before lunch for example). You could start by encouraging her to look at the chart and see what she needs to do to get all her stickers

Hm. At times my then teens needed reminding of x,y,z...

My DD is October born and just started reception. She is tired, emotional, doesn't enjoy the mornings, and needs chivvying every step of the way.

I lay her clothes out on her bed but she won't go and get dressed of her own accord.

They don't have the ability to think more than a step or two ahead. DD can't tell the time - we have an alarm that goes off 5 mins before we need to leave so she knows to start getting shoes and coat on, but still needs reminding of that at the point the alarm goes off!

So they bloody well should be off in a dreamworld colouring and creating. 5 is still tiny!

DS knows his getting ready routine but needs prodding to get on with it, I've been meaning to make a list to put on the fridge with pictures. He can do zips but still struggles with buttons. He cleans his teeth but I usually go over them afterwards. He can wash himself in the shower if I keep up a constant stream of reminders of which bits he needs to wash

He can build Lego, colour, etc by himself but 'really needs help' every 5 mins.

My 8 year old still needs reminding to get dressed etc etc. I agree with a pp that ur expectations are too high.

Your problem is not what your 5 year old can do but what your DH should be doing.

October born 5 year old will on occasion take himself off & get dressed but most of the time he needs reminding to do so.

My April-born 4yo won't even play by himself except occasionally if I bribe him. He won't watch TV either at the moment. He just wants to play board games all day with Mummy! I'd happily swap you for one that is independent but forgets to brush her teeth

Yeah, I encourage my children to be very independent but your expectations are unrealistic I'm afraid. My nine year old still needs reminding to get dressed and do his teeth. He and the Seven year old can get breakfast ready for everyone themselves, load the dishwasher, put a load of washing on. But they have to be prompted to do everything.

I think you're expecting your five year old to think about your priorities and needs iyswim. His priorities are different. Colouring and daydreaming rank higher than leaving the house on time. It's your agenda. You're going to have to prompt if you want him to comply.

Also you're expecting a level of forward planning, impulse control and sequencing that a five year old doesn't have the executive function for. His brain isn't sufficiently developed yet.

My 3.9 year old chooses her clothes from her drawer, dresses herself and combs her hair. I just do teeth and face wash.

My 4.5 year old can dress himself but needs to be chivvyed otherwise I find him playing with his cars in only his socks. He would never think to brush his own teeth.

DO is 5yo and September born. She needs prompting as to what's next when getting ready for school. So when she finishes breakfast I'll remind her to put her dish in the sink and then get dressed. She'll start getting dressed and needs a couple of check-ins to see what she's up to. I've tried leaving her to her own devices and will then find her sitting on her bedroom floor stark naked except for her school cardigan, lecturing her dolls about the finer points of Frozen. So I'll potter about getting the 2yo ready and myself ready while popping in on the 7yo and 5yo to remind them "trousers now..." or "don't forget to do up your shirt buttons...." or "start getting dressed!"

I help 5yo do her teeth, more to make sure she does them properly than anything else. I put the toothpaste on the brush and she brushes them herself while I supervise to make sure she gets the back ones and brushes for long enough. Ditto face washing, a sink full of water is temptation to mess about so I supervise to keep things running smoothly.

She can't do her own hair. Well, she can but she can't go to school with the result. Her idea of 'doing her hair' is to fasten into it absolutely every hair slide she can find, dozens of them sometimes. I like it in a plait, pony tail or bunches so it looks neat and isn't flapping about the place like a nit-trap.

She puts her own shoes and coat on and I'll remind her to hang her reading packet on the pushchair. I fill her water bottle and it's up to her to make sure it's in the basket, again I'll remind her "have you put your stuff on the buggy?"

On a weekend when it's all a bit more relaxed she chooses her own clothes and dresses herself at her own pace. If we're going out somewhere and I want her to look a bit less 'bohemian' I'll send her to change. We weren't doing anything today and she dressed herself in pink stripy shorts, blue glittery tights, a pink butterfly t-shirt and a long white cardigan (comes down to her knees). Hair was left down with a red knitted headband around her forehead and the whole thing was teamed with black boots. This is why she needs supervision

I think you're expecting too much. Let your DC help get ready but a 5yo, IME, still needs prompting to keep them on task.

Nearly all 5 year olds I know need chivvying and reminding and actual help getting ready.

Your dh needs to pull his finger out.

And at 5, children still need their teeth brushed for them.

I'm glad my 5 yo is normal! Think my expectations are too high thanks folks