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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be stressed about people staying in my flat?

15 replies

miku · 03/12/2016 10:36

I'm in a 2 bed flat, me and DD, its a bit messy, and my friend plus 2 boys coming to stay- I'm getting stressy, especially as I've asked her 3 times what her plans are for today, and what time approx.. she is arriving- with no answer! AIBU to be annoyed???

OP posts:
Original poster
miku · 03/12/2016 10:49

I am doing my best to just let go- but I have a tight feeling in my tummy. I find it hard to have people in my space- and worse when they don't let me now what their plans are for the day.feel like im 'on hold'. Want to do the best for myself, my dd, and my friend!!

OP posts:
ClopySow · 03/12/2016 11:02

Breathe. Do you have any plans for the day? Is there anything you need to get done?

Original poster
miku · 03/12/2016 11:38

housey stuff, pluss dd going to a birthday sleepover- hence wanting to know hat time friend coming , so they could possibly hang out- or not. oh well. thanks for breathe advise. Just wanted to know if I was being totally daft.....

OP posts:
Lilaclily · 03/12/2016 11:40

If you're dd isn't even going to be their do you really want other people's kids staying ?

I'd tell her your ill and have an evening to yourself !

ClopySow · 03/12/2016 11:44

You're not being totally daft at all. It's just about trying to decide what's worth getting stressed about and what's worth letting go of.

Just get on with your day. Do your housey stuff, go out if you need to, plan your day based on what you need to do. If she's being shit with letting you know stuff, she'll have to fit around the plans you've made.

But keep breathing. It helps Smile

Original poster
miku · 03/12/2016 11:47

they are just crashing, as they are coming to the city.....at least that what I thought. The boys are teens. I think Im just getting upset that when I ask her what her plans are she is really vague! she works hard/nights etc, and we always miss each other phone call wise (my job irregular hours too). It was on thurs that she asked if she could stay over...so plans for dd in place already

OP posts:
ClopySow · 03/12/2016 11:49

That would wind me up too. But in the absence of any information, all you can do is plan your own day and she'll just have to lump it if you can't drop everything for her.

Original poster
miku · 03/12/2016 11:50

thanks ClopySow- just being heard helps :-) have a lovely w/e!

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harderandharder2breathe · 03/12/2016 11:51

Yanbu that stresses me out too

TBH if she's a good enough friend that you'll let her crash in your flat, can't you say to her "I'm sorry it's stressing me out, can you please just tell me at least a vague plan?"

My best friend and her family are awful for this but know i find it stressful so will give me a rough itinerary at least.

WLF46 · 03/12/2016 11:55

It's understandable, a lot of people would be anxious about people staying in their home. Even if it was a large house with plenty of spare room and you were very good friends with the people who were staying over, many people would be nervous about it.

You (probably) normally feel in complete control of your home. Having people stay over means relinquishing some of that control, especially if they are bringing children. They won't know your "rules" - everyone has "rules" about their home (no shoes in the living room, put a new roll of toilet paper out if you use up the current one, don't leave washing up for hours on end, etc).

You probably have anxiety about the unknown, not knowing what it will be like or whether they will be happy during their stay. Maybe also worried that they will "judge" you over your choice of wallpaper or something like that (I hate people looking at my bookshelf, even though I know there's nothing embarrassing on it I feel the need to hide certain books if I think that someone will think it's a weird choice for me to have a copy).

You are worrying over nothing BUT that doesn't mean it is unnatural or unusual - it just shows you care about your visitors enjoying their stay, and care about what they will think.

Perhaps you are caring too much, but in my opinion caring too much is better than not caring at all.

girlelephant · 03/12/2016 11:56

YANBU as I find not knowing people's arrival times super stressful! Makes me feel like I can't make plans but what you should do is just get on with your day.... as hard as that may be!

Original poster
miku · 03/12/2016 11:58

hi harder- I've tried to ask her .....she goes off on a tangent! would've liked to have gone to see something this avvy.......but also wanted to hang out.....haven't seen her for 2 years.

OP posts:
FeralBeryl · 03/12/2016 12:00

This would stress me out massively too.
Send her a text saying you have lots of running around to do so you need to make sure you're in to let them in, at least you may get a rough eta then.

harderandharder2breathe · 03/12/2016 12:00

Ugh that's so annoying! Just do your own thing and if she's left waiting for you then it's her own fault, you've tried to include her/plan around her

AcrossthePond55 · 03/12/2016 13:06

My cousin and I stay with each other often. We have a 'no stress' policy, especially with regards to arrivals/departures. We live 400+ miles apart and because we have to drive through city centres the length of the trip can vary by a few hours. So the 'deal' is that we get there when we get there and the other is free to do whatever. I've gone by her work to pick up a key when I got there earlier than expected and we've eaten supper without her when her drive took longer than expected.

Just carry on with your day. Call her and tell her that you have to do XYZ and for her to give you a call when she gets in town and you'll get home as quickly as you can to let her in.

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