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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask DH not to use his credit card?

19 replies

SocksRock · 03/12/2016 10:17

Our financial set up is that DH works full time, I work part time and earn about 1/2 what he does.

We have one bank account where all the moment goes, wages, child benefit, anything else - all in one pot. We pay a chunk into savings (in my name as he's a higher rate taxpayer), pay the bills and then the rest is left to spend. I don't have any other funds at all.

DH has a credit card which is paid from this account and over the last few months it's started to creep up to around £300/month.

AIBU to ask him just to put all spends though the joint account so I know when I'm budgeting (my job) where we are. I can't see his credit card statement - although he happily shows me when I ask - it's quite often work related stuff, or bits related to the allotment which is his hobby. I just want to know where we are with it.

I want him to use it for stuff he can claim back from work (train fares and petrol) and use the joint account for everything else

I've just discovered this months is £430 due to be paid on Monday which will leave us short for the rest of the month and I'm really quite annoyed. If it had gone through the main account I would have been able to allow for it and not put as much away. Now we have to choose between taking money out of savings, tightening belts over Christmas, or going overdrawn.

OP posts:

ClopySow · 03/12/2016 11:09

Hmmmm. I think YABU. It sounds like you're dictating. Put less in savings every month to allow for CC spend. He should get CC statement well in advance enough to know how much extra to leave in account, although that's dependent on him telling you.

prettywhiteguitar · 03/12/2016 11:11

That sounds like a substantial debt, is he actually paying any of it off or just adding to it ?

Akire · 03/12/2016 11:11

He dosnt have to pay full balance each month he could pay less. I take it £430 isn't the minimum !

DonaldStott · 03/12/2016 11:12

Yanbu at all if you are in charge of the household budget. Over £100 a week on credit card is unreasonable. Why doesn't he just use the joint account?

expatinscotland · 03/12/2016 11:16

What is that amount of money being spent on?

happychristmasbum · 03/12/2016 11:16

If you wanted him to use his debit rather than credit card for work expenses last month, they would have added up to the same wouldn't they? And although you would have seen it once there, you wouldn't necessarily know how much more there was to pay out for work as the month went on?

Not sure if I am explaining this very well - I think DH needs to tell you "I think my work expenses will be more than usual this month because I need to travel to X,Y,Z. Then it won't really matter which card it comes out of?

staceysadz · 03/12/2016 11:28

Benefit of the doubt, its Christmas in three weeks, maybe theres a good reason for him spending extra and not telling you what it was??

BarbaraofSeville · 03/12/2016 11:28

But if he spends from the joint account the money is spent sooner so worse from a cashflow point of view and there is a risk that he will spend money that is needed for direct debits.

I find it easier to put everything on the credit card, pay it off every month and just treat it as another bill. And £100 a week on a credit card isn't much at all. Ours is usually £1-2k pm for all food, fuel and other spending and we get cashback on this. Credit cards aren't always a disaster if you use them properly.

DailyMailSucksAss · 03/12/2016 11:32

It's the same whether he pays on debit or credit card. If you have budgeting issues then ask for it to be made into a joint credit card so you can also check up on what it's being used for. Another suggestion is to change your regular savings payment to after the credit card due date, so you know exactly how much to save.

jadeyty · 03/12/2016 11:32

YANBU for just wanting to know how much will go on his credit card as you need to know the remainder and budget for the rest of the month. As someone else has said, Christmas is coming up and he might not want those expenses showing on your joint account where you can see them.

MrsHathaway · 03/12/2016 11:48

I don't think you can ask him not to use the cc, but I do think you can ask him to tell you when he uses it so you can allocate the repayment in your budgeting.

Our relationship is the other way round, and it's set up so DH gets notifications (either in an app or from the cc company) when I use it to make payments, so he can keep on top of things. It would be very unhelpful of me to just spend it without letting him know.

Pythonesque · 03/12/2016 12:10

I have always had a joint credit card but because its deemed my husbands i don't get to access the online statement!

DailyMailSucksAss · 03/12/2016 12:16

Pythonesque - that's horrible. What's your husband hiding?

228agreenend · 03/12/2016 12:25

I don't think it's unreasonable to,use his credit card as 'expenses' and the main account foe everyday expenses. We have that set up. I guess he has just got into the habit of pulling out his credit card whenever he needs to buy something.

If you travel a lot, £100 a week, is not a lot when you take petrol into consideration, not to mention all those coffees, sandwiches etc.

Original poster

SocksRock · 03/12/2016 14:57

£430 is the full balance, we have no debt apart from the mortgage and a loan we took to buy a new car.

This months was train tickets, a couple of takeaways, some stuff for the garden, and a few other bits and pieces.

Garden stuff and takeaway should come straight out of the joint account.

I'm not trying to control what he spends apart from in the sense that he can't spend what we don't have. Neither of us is a huge big spender, just this bill has taken me by surprise. Might ask if he will add me to it.

And there will be no surprise presents, we agreed this year to buy ourselves an Amazon Echo to us from us and I bought that in the Black Friday offer.

He's so careful normally I just want to get him to understand that I need to know where and what this money is going on.

OP posts:

Allthewaves · 03/12/2016 15:02

Could you have separated spending accounts so you both transfer X amount from main account.

Fairylea · 03/12/2016 15:09

Well two things really, you don't need to pay the full balance - if it will accrue interest get it switched to 0% one and pay it off as you can afford to (always over min payment to keep 0% deal).

If you're saying this payment is going to make you short for everything else you have a budgeting issue. You should both have a set and equal amount of spending money and dh should pay the credit card off from his own money if he is spending on it. Then whatever happens doesn't touch the main account and he can manage it himself.

John4703 · 03/12/2016 15:18

Sometimes it is considered safer to use a credit card for on-line purchases. Maybe your DH uses it for that reason.
Can you ask your DH to share the log in details for his cc account so you can see it at anytime?

My DW and I know each others bank log on passwords etc so we can easily see the other account, and transfer money from one to the other if either needs it.
The cc company do not need to know you are looking as long as he gives you the required information.
and YANBU

Original poster

SocksRock · 03/12/2016 15:25

Ok, so I am BU. I'll talk to him about a couple of other options.

And I didn't reply for ages because I was out and the clutch went in there car so I had to wait for a tow and then a bus. FML. The £430 is now the least of my worries as a new clutch is going to be the best part of £1k

OP posts:

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