Home Educators - I need your collective experience

[BantyCustards]

I'm in court in 2 weeks for a final hearing - my ex-partner is trying to force my pre-schooler into school.

Would you follow the link and give me your advice?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/home_ed/2795108-Ex-partner-taking-me-to-court-WRT-HE?watched=1

Does ex also want you to stop HE the older child? Or is he just against you HE the youngest?

Has he tried pre-school? Did he like it? Personally in this situation I'd try him with that and see how he gets along. He doesn't get on you would have more firm info for the judge. Or he might love it, and if he does thrive in that sort of setting then surely that's better than dragging through a court case?

That's good that you already HomeEd.

Does exDP want to get your older child into school too...

TBH if you aren't comfortable being all the educational theory/ evidence etc at this stage I'm not sure I'd rely on it. It sounds like you wouldn't have the knowledge/expertise to present/ask questions on it.

What you can do is use the example of your older DC to show how well you can home ed - use his achievements and what you have learned through home edding to show what you can also offer your younger DC.

If you can figure out exDPs specific concerns you could address those as well.

My eldest adored primary school, and did really well there although there were a few blips in behaviour and learning. But secondary was a whole other matter, and her behaviour became more and more extreme, with the school taking a zero tolerance line and the horrid vile woman head literally looking down her noses at us and asking if we had ever considered discipline......... it turned out our daughter was badly bullied, and also just not able to cope with the school environment. We home educated her for 2 years, and she thrived. We kept a very informal approach, lots of interactive learning and days out... lots of exercise, and lots of tlc. She went back for year 11 at a local college and got her Maths and English GCSE's and is now a very rounded adult that I couldn't be more proud of. But her needs were very specific, and I would be very cautious about home educating a very young child and would be putting my energies into finding the right school for her. And you and your ex P need to agree on the course you take for her...... can you explain your concerns to him and why you want to take this path? My DH took some convincing as initially it seemed a very radical thing to do and he wasn't sure it was the best course of action for a long time. One thing we found very helpful was a private assessment by an educational pyschologist, and if there are special needs you feel your daughter has, this could help him understand??

Itsall

That's the issue, what is best for the child. She's doing just fine thus far and I can't really see how one can predict the future. Would school be better for her? Would home ed? Who knows?

We're very active members of the local home ed community.

The thing I am aware of is that if I just fold and put her in school and it doesn't suit her taking her out will be difficult because of having to go back to court and convincing a judge to overturn a specific issues order - I could find myself having to force her to continue in school whether it's best for her or not where as if I manage to persuade the judge to let me test the waters with her if it is not working for her then she can go into school without having to return to court.

Why does ex want DC in school?

User - I was snippy, I apologise.

Burnout as a reason, but not an excuse.

Itsall
He's arguing I won't cope - he's not taking into account that things have moved on a lot since we have been living without him under our roof.

OP I understand you being defensive. I would gather as much evidence of the HE community which you belong to being supportive and active. Proving that your DC have an enriching and organised life within HE will go a long way because you're already part of the community.

He's arguing I won't cope

Ok. So his issue isn't with Home Ed per se. So show the judge all the ways you can cope. As user said, show evidence of the supportive HE community you are part of, demonstrate that you have a good support network. Show how you have been coping so far, use elder DC as example.

In what way were you not coping?

If relevant maybe a doctor's letter saying there are no longer issues, show evidence of the coping mechanisms you have used so that you now can cope. If relevant evidence that exDP does not have any evidence of your current ability to cope.

I think you need to break down his objections and respond clearly to each part.

Soooo:

1. "She won't cope"

I have in place the following support network: local HE groups; friends; family etc. I get time to recharge doing xyz and since the end of our dysfunctional relationships my stress levels are much lower.

1. They won't thrive socially

1. They won't achieve academically

If you will be educating your DC at home (and presumably he won't, as he isn't supportive) does that mean you are wanting full custody? Or is he taking them every weekend or evenings after you finish teaching? And how do you support yourself as a single parent if you are home edding - presumably you can't work anything close to full time.

I can confirm that the person on the original post followed the link from this thread.
hth

Other than I would like to try. Why do you think it is best for your shared child to start HE as opposed to trying school first.

And why does he think you won't cope?

The only way you can present a decemt arguement is by knowing his fully and being totally honest about it with yourself because you will need to acknowledge and address his concerns.

(Am massively involved with HE and have been for a long time)

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/education/2008/aug/19/schools.education?client=safari

home-ed.info/home_ed_articles/pros-and-cons-of-home-education

www.oxbridgeessays.com/blog/is-home-schooling-a-better-system-of-education-679/

www.amazon.co.uk/Teach-Your-Own-John-Homeschooling/dp/0738206946

I found John Holt articulates very well the benefits of and philosophy behind home ed in this book

Lots of links there - Thank you very much, artichoke.

User - eldest (SEN) is not his child so he has no say.

Youngest is currently being investigated for SEN which ex is vehemently against.

Needs - his argument is that I cannot cope which is untrue, youngest will be socially isolated also not true - he knows full well and would frequently expound the fact that eldest had a way better social life than he ever did in school.

Those are his arguments

Are some of his concerns financial? Does he think he may have to pay spousal maintenance if you're not working?

That said, does he have valid concerns if your older child has sen? Will you be able to cope with two children? Obviously this depends on the nature and severity of your child's needs.

How are you going to support yourself as a single mum with children? Is he concerned you are going to struggle working and educating?

I home ed two daughters for varying reasons for different periods. They're both now at a good Uni. Both well rounded etc. despite being really quite different people. Eldest somewhere on the autistic spectrum, both dyslexic, one also dyspraxic. School didn't pick up on any of it. I was dismissed as overprotective etc. when I asked for opinions.

What do you need to know OP?

P.S. I'm not very good at navigating around this site, but will ty and gt back here in case you've replied.