Aibu/pfb about nursery?

[acquiescence]

Ds (11m) has been struggling to settle at nursery, he only goes 1.5 days. They suggested has some extra sessions on quiet days to get more used to it. This is pushing our finances but we obviously want him to get settled and be happy.

When I took him yesterday the baby room had joined up with the toddler room so I took him into an unfamiliar room with lots of bigger children. I had been advised to book a morning session instead of an afternoon session as they sometimes join in the afternoons and this could be unsettling for ds.
They said they had joined up because there were only a few in the baby room so it is better to join up.

Aibu to be annoyed at this? I generally try and let nursery decide what ds needs as they are the childcare experts, but I feel like this was probably done for the convenience of the workers and not the children.

Hmm, yabu a bit I think. At my son's nursery they do this too as often the little babies (the room he is in) get picked up earlier than the older ones, so they merge the groups so you don't have one little one waiting on it's own. It also helps them start the tidying/cleaning of that room earlier. Yes it's probably convenient for the staff, but remember your DS will eventually move to that room so it's good for him to see it.

It doesn't bother me that they do it at ours, in fact DS loves the older kids, and I think it's good preparation for when he will move into that room himself.

YABU I think as well. They merge classes in my DS's nursery as well.

Does he go for one whole day and one half day? The whole day may be too much. Can he do mornings only? Then it's the same hours overall and the same cost for you but not as stressful for him.

In the nicest possible way, YABU- nurseries do this, I'm afraid.

What's the reason for sending him for 1.5 days? Are you building it up in prep for going back to work? Once he's going more often, you'll probably find he settles better, and it will become somewhere familiar that he belongs. Babies have little concepts of time, and if he's going so seldom at the minute, he'll have half-forgotten the place in between visits and won't understand is going to be a regular thing.

YABU. It happens all the time in all the nurseries I've ever known.

Do you need to send him to nursery because you're working?

YANBU. They are a business. Of course they want you to increase your hours.

I generally try and let nursery decide what ds needs as they are the childcare experts

Don't. You are the expert in YOUR child.

I don't think it is unreasonable for the nursery to make decisions like this because it is more convenient for them - it is a business, after all. As long as it isn't harming the children, I don't see the big deal.

Thanks, I was hoping that iwbu. Just to clarify I am more than happy with rooms merging, the issue is I was told to book him in for a morning extra session because the rooms would not merge in the morning only in the afternoon and the nursery staff felt it was best for him to be in his own room and not merge to help him settle.
I think that merging the rooms is fine and will help them adjust for when the time comes to move, it's just this period that I'm not sure about.

I am already back at work and he will only go for one day a week once he is settled as I am part time and grandparents have him on the other days.

Unfortunately he can't do half days instead as I need to work all day. I'm worried that going so infrequently will mean he won't be able to settle in 😞.

Actually I think yanbu, they sold a specific time/room set up as this is what they have told you would be best for your son to help him.
They then change the set up to exactly what they told you to avoid I would not be happy with that at all. (Nothing wrong with merging rooms normally by the way)

Ha massive X post :) I'm so slow at typing.

I think YABU if your problem is that they joined older children. I wouldn't like it, but then I would not send my child to a nursery doing it (or suck it up if I did send my child)

I think YANBU though as they made you do (and pay) extra time to help him settle then made him come when the babies were joining older children (which defeated the purpose)

I am torn - on the one hand its a bit daft to tell you to bring him in on a session when they have merged with the other room.

But also, lots of nurseries do it and actually its really nice for the kids - the older ones to see the little babies and the little babies are fascinated by the older ones!

I have to say I do think it will take him quite a long time to settle on only one day a week. My kids are in 4 consecutive days and settled fairly quickly. It still took a good couple of weeks though!

How long has he been going?

Not quite the point, but at our nursery if a baby was struggling to settle they would get you to do extra sessions free of charge - perhaps just a couple of hours a day building up to a full morning/afternoon. This is what we had to do with my daughter as she struggled to settle in. She was absolutely fine within a week or two, although she does go 4 days a week. I'd be asking to do some shorter work sessions free of charge

YABU. But I see where you're coming from. Unfortunately it IS tough. He needs to settle in and I think that over engineering his environment may not solve the settling problem. These are qualified individuals who will have seen fretful settlers before.

Respectfully, if you feel the staff are doing things for their "convenience" at this early stage then I wonder if it'd be better for you to put DS to a childminder you (could get to) know and trust?

Oh, I see what you mean. That is annoying, but merging rooms is standard practice, so I suspect it was just less likely to happen in the morning but not guaranteed. So I would have been a bit annoyed, but there's not a lot you can do. Agee with pp that over-engineering his environment is unsustainable and might not help.

I think him going so infrequently is the larger issue here. I'm surprised you found a nursery that takes him 1.5 days as most have a 2 day minimum. How many days do you work? Could he do mornings and the GPs have him afternoons or vice versa instead of them having him whole days? I know it's so hard.

If you can't rearrange anything, what if you took a week off of work and took him to nursery every day but stayed, and then let him stay alone for his normal days? Would the nursery accommodate that? Just really try and make the place familiar. Get into a routine while you're there- coat on a peg, greet key worker and get him/her to read same book, sing same song, go look at fish tank or whatever. Just get some kind of routine applied to it so it stays in his mind. Maybe with a try?

That sounds like bad planning on their part then. Maybe bring it up if they suggest another settling in session?

Could he not go to nursery every morning with DGPs collecting every afternoon? That way the days would be similar rather than a sudden, long day at nursery.

Thanks for your suggestions. I agree that it would be better for him to go more regularly. Grandparents live an hour away so then doing the afternoons isn't really an option unfortunately. I might see if I can change my working hours to accommodate 2 half days. I only work 3 days. I'm sure he will get there! I spoke to nursery yesterday and they said he actually was fine in the merged room so I am probably worrying for nothing!

As a nanny/nursery worker I can see why you're annoyed.

On a different point - 1 day a week is very unsettling for children who attend childcare settings and it is usually recommended that they do 2 sessions a week - whether 2 mornings rather than 1 full day, as otherwise it can be hard to settle [due to the length of time between visits]