How do we tell 4.8 year old about bio dad

[HowDoYouExplainThis]

DS is 5 next year.

DP is not his bio dad but is of our youngest

Bio dad was nearly 40 when we met, I was 18 he lied about his age. DS was conceived through one of 3 rapes. He threatened to kill us both and was violent, a drunk and on drugs.

We went through court after a while he stopped paying for the contact centre and the case was closed. Despite that he's been served with police harassment warnings, court undertakings for non-molestation, the case about the rape was dropped and never made it to court.

We obviously need to tell him about his bio dad, but even writing this makes me feel physically ill. I want DP to tell him until I know for sure I can handle it better.

Would something like this go okay?

"when I met your mummy you were little like ds2, and I choose to love you and your mummy so we could be a happy family together. DS2 was a present to mummy from me, and although I didn't give you to mummy I love you just as much as I love ds2 and that will never change"

He has a bit of an issue understanding even basic explanations/instructions so I'm pretty sure he won't understand but the school is helping with that.

Does that sound ok? When would you tell him? I obviously can't never tell him but it's extremely painful

The problem with planning and you not saying anything is you won't have any control..Some children might just go oh ok... Some will have a million questions..

My DS hasn't seen his dad since he was 3..I have had to add more information..as he has got older ..

I think it is well worth doing it early. I also think Lady;s advice i pretty much spot on but be aware if your DH has the conversation he may have to answer a very random question.

I would also like to hope you have or can get support for what is a hurrendous situation for you.

My friend broke it to her son by comparing him to superman. He was adopted tho.

This book looks good but again for adoption. If your DP has adopted him it's prob a better idea for him to break it to him in a similar way to this book. I think the 'i wished for you' concept's really good. www.googleadservices.com/pagead/aclk?sa=L&ai=DChcSEwjnhr7i4NXQAhWmsO0KHXO7BnAYABAD&ohost=www.google.co.uk&cid=CAASIuRoJkMy__Dbc0S8DWjpDr-VPP4t5kb24PN4UiswiXQIMYw&sig=AOD64_3FG-1LvBV2ypDzUkZVMrLw-xc6NA&ctype=5&q=&ved=0ahUKEwil47ji4NXQAhVHJMAKHSvwDs8Qwg8IHA&adurl=

Dp hasn't adopted him but would love to, bio dad would put up every fight imaginable out of spite.

We told him, talked about what he was like as a baby and how he was 1 when he met daddy. We then talked about how daddy didn't have a baby but wanted one so he came and found me and DS1 so we could be a family. Then later we wanted you to have someone to play with so we had ds2. He said daddy was special as he picked him but he doesn't want a brother as he farts