...to ask you how often you contact your child's secondary school?

[JustSpeakSense]

Not including parents evenings, how often do you contact your child's secondary school (e.g. Email / phone call)?

Do you contact them requesting information, discussing a problem, notifying them of an issue, complaining?

Just wondering what the normal level of contact is?

I was actually thinking about this earlier today - when I emailed one of DS3's teachers about some concerns I had. I think that's maybe the 3rd time in 3 years? I don't have any idea how that rates though - if that's high or low. With at least one of the older DCs it would have been considerably more - but that was almost exclusively about his SEN and resulting issues.

Mine are year 10 and 11 only contact them if the dc are ill

If dd is ill, and she's having an op next week, so habe spoken to them about that.

Only when DS is ill. Any other problems and I expect DS to sort them out himself. There hasn't been anything major that I know of.

Hardly ever. The odd email telling them about Orthodontist appointments or clarifying something about Parentpay.

As a teacher, I can say it varies A LOT some parents will literally email every couple of days wanting the world sorting out for their darling, I honestly had one parent ask me to ask ANOTHER teacher to not to put crosses in his book or correct work as her son didn't like it (13 years old no SN)
I personally prefer email as i can reply swiftly but it doesn'ttake too much time. Some parents just have quick issues that are easily resolved and we don't hear from them again. I genuinely don't mind being contacted but I HATE it when a parent assumes the version little Jonny has told is the right one. Much better to get the teachers versio too. I had one parent a few years ago whose daughter was rude, sulky and bloody lazy, she hated being challenged about this. mum contacted me to let me know "that's just how she is so ease up on the nagging because she won't change"!!!

Never other than to let them know he's Ill

Genuinely, how do people have time to constantly contact the school?

Occasionally I email the office about dr appointments or similar. Otherwise, maybe once or twice a year. Year 7 was about an accident I wanted them to be aware of and a question about behaviour points plus some clarification over a poor history exam result, year 8 was to the science teacher as he was struggling a bit and I wanted to ask her what I could do to help and year 9, so far just one email about science again and a couple of emails about year 7 induction dates as I needed to plan something for my middle one who is joining in September. I doubt I'm on the radar for being a pain in the neck.

So far this year I have emailed maybe 4 times? To question why my son gets detention as he doesn't tell me the truth, no problem with him doing them I'd just like to know why. Also to ask them to move his seat in lessons away from a boy he is having problems with.

After emailing his French teacher she called me back to say how much Ds's behaviour had improved since she gave him detention and he was a lovely young man and a joy to have in class

Illness only. ( DDs yr 8 and 9)

Depends on the child. With dd, who was ill a lot, disabled, suffered from chronic pain and severe anxiety, school refused and was suicidal- well, quite often. Wasn't about whether I had the time- it was quicker to email the school than to sit all night in A & E.

With ds, who enjoyed sturdy health, hardly at all.

I recently made email contact with a sports coach discussing a slight problem.

When my DD heard I had done this all hell broke loose! Apparently the teacher had said something like 'and don't start getting your mums to email me please!' So she had obviously had emails before!

The teacher in question handled my query very well, and didn't make me feel like I was being a nuisance, but after DD's distress at the email, I feel like I would be reluctant to make contact again if an issue arose.

According to DD 'nobody's parents do that, and I have ruined her life'

I thought I'd come to MN for a more accurate picture.

With my older ones with no SEN didn't contact them other than to inform them of reason for absence. Ds2's teachers, head of years contacted me nearly daily (so much so their number was suggested as a family and friend contact ) regarding his behaviour though.
Dd has SEN so generally email SENCo once half termly but has been a bit more regularly lately to let her know of amended statement and increased support hours which gives her the heads up to source staffing rather than waiting for the LA's slow wheels to move into place.
Dd's TA fills in a communication book daily, emails me weekly and phones monthly so no need for me to contact school outside of the requirements of her statement tbh.

Only when there's an issue they've not been able to sort themselves.
Depends a bit on the child, and what they are going through, etc. My first solution is usually to ask them what they think would be a good thing to do, to resolve whatever the issue is, rather than me sorting everything for them, but they know I would if it came to it, in the end.

My DD is at boarding school so emails are a tad more frequent but all on the pastoral side. Confirmation of bringing DD home for weekends, etc. Actual educational e mails, none so far

Not that often. I occasionally email the PE teacher to check after school match details, I rang school this evening to ask a teacher to call back about a school report enquiry but that's it

DS1 (in recovery after three years of mental illness):
I've phoned school a couple of times this term (e.g. to inform them of his whereabouts and to reassure them that he was safe).
I've been invited in for two meetings this term with HoY / deputy head.
There have been half a dozen email threads so far this term (CAMHS updates etc).
When he was unwell, I was having to attend half a dozen meetings per term and school were phoning me at least once a week.

DS2 (ADHD & ASD): No phone calls. No meetings. I've emailed a couple of times this term (e.g. logistics of who was doing music exam entry).

DD: No phone calls. No meetings. Have emailed a couple of times this term (e.g. to inform them about her hearing loss).

DS3: No meetings. No phone calls. No emails.

To the point were the receptionist recognises my name! Dd1 has severe asthma, migraines, has had severe denral problems due an accident which led to repeated infections, root canal work and finally an op under ga in hospital. She also has aspergers and we have had a lot of pronlems with bullying(thankfully the main culprit was expelled earlier this term and things have settled down)

Very infrequently. Maybe once last year when we had an issue with my chronically disorganised son picking up demerits left, right and centre for forgetting homework/books/kit. I phoned and spoke to the Head of Year so that she was aware that we were not the sort of parents who didn't care whether homework was done or not.

We don't email for things like routine appointments and absence, there is a special answerphone service for that so you can leave a message without having to speak to anyone.

how do people have time to constantly contact the school

The answer is that I worked part-time, in a job with flexible hours. In most weeks DS1 had at least one medical appointment, sometimes two. Many weeks there would be a meeting at school. The school would phone me about once a fortnight asking me to come into school as soon as possible, and many of those times I would be asked to take him home with me. When acutely unwell, he couldn't be left alone. Contacting the school to keep them updated took up less of my time than trying to communicate with CAMHS.

and don't start getting your mums to email me please!

If you've only sent one email, then I doubt this was about you. Adolescents get embarrassed about everything their parents do; don't take it personally.

Don't tend to bother contacting school as a waste of time. Don't bother with parents evening any more either as the system is shit and not followed so just a free for all And we complained that a teacher spent twenty minutes with one parent - all 5 minute appointments.

So if kids are ill and that's it.

I work in a secondary school office and we often have parents call up to raise an issue who will say 'but don't let DC know I've called or they'll be mortified/furious'...so your DDs reaction is pretty much par for the course .

It's really not the frequency with which you ring as the reasons why that mark you out as an HMP (High Maintenance Parent ) although we have parent who calls so often they no longer bother or need to introduce themself

When a child/family has issues of any kind that need dealing with we genuinely want to help. Certainly in my place of work we all have kids and can empathise that when the shit hits the fan, as a parent you want it sorted pronto - no one likes to think of their kids being unhappy and we get that.

What is monumentally frustrating is the parents who think their special snowflake is the only person staff have to deal with, and phone back every half hour demanding to speak to an ever increasing hierarchy of staff who, surprise surprise, are actually teaching for much of the day.

Similarly when you get calls from parents of 13+ year olds who are apparently incapable of visiting lost property on their own, or frantic calls from parents whose kids have rung them from mobiles having a wobbly about friendship issues/teachers pissing them off & they expect you to be able to locate said child and teaching staff to deal with matter instantly during lunch period in a school of around 1300 kids!

That said, it's a great job and really, we do want to help and support you and your child, so if you need to contact school, do it!

I am so grateful for the people in our school office - I know I can be a bit of. a pain in the neck....I am late sometimes - I have been very ill this last year (cancer) - its been hard to parent...I need help with my son (asthma) - but I appreciate what they do and buy them presents at Christmas - bigger than the teacher ....because they help me most - lost property - not your problem but should you be pissed off when people are genuinely worried about their kid? No ...well just a bit .....but sometimes us parents are worried stiff about our kids and as someone who has been to the funeral of a colleagues' 14 year old son who hung himself - (I only met him twice but that was the saddest day of my life) - try to see it from our point of view - sometimes the worry of parenting is beyond fathomable - and you are our only hope -