To be worried about my future?

[NooNooHead]

I'm cutting a v long story short here, and will be as brief as I can.

Last year, I had a mild traumatic brain injury, post concussion syndrome and an awful mental breakdown. I was helped by my very kind GP who prescribed various psychotropic meds to help with insomnia and severe anxiety. One of these was a typical antipsychotic that she gave me in desperation after other meds didn't work (antidepressants and benzodiazepines / sleeping pills).

Unfortunately the side effect of the antipsychotic was a rare movement disorder called tardive dyskinesia which is both disfiguring and socially embarrassing... Lucky me got this and I am living with involuntary movements (facial tics like grimacing and lip smacking, odd involuntary limb movements and other strange tics), alongside the awful mind blanks, acquired dyslexia and cognitive / memory issues that come with post concussion syndrome.

Fortunately I work part time from home as a self employed freelance copywriter and am lucky I don't have to encounter too many people during my everyday existence. I still do all the usual socialising / play dates and school runs etc for my daughter, albeit with an awfully heightened social anxiety despite my husband telling me no one is bothered by my odd movements etc.

I live life as fully as I can despite all my issues, but have been trying not to fall into the pit of depression that my movement disorder may not go away, or my head injury symptoms might not improve much more. AIBU to want to sue the GP who prescribed these pills with the best intention, not knowing they could ever have the effect they did?

AIBU when I also worry about any future jobs or career being affected by my odd movements and my self consciousness about how I believe others may perceive me? I can't ever picture myself working in an office or public again as having to control my movements is a bit like someone with Tourette's... Semi-suppressible but not completely...

I cry often in quiet despair that my life has become what it is. I know others will say count your blessings, and there are others out there with much worse, which of course I appreciate - I guess I am worried about my future and how I would have to cope with the potential changes. 😔

It is unfortunate that you have suffered this rare side effect but your GP hasn't been negligent in prescribing the medication if it is used for the initial symptoms. I also understand that if the drugs come with leaflets outlining the possible side effects the GP doesn't even need to go into the rarer ones just the usual ones.

If your husband is supportive and says that people don't notice (or if they do they don't mention it because they know its you) then I would try to hold on to that.

Obviously you can also disclose to people what problems you have by way of a disability an it really shouldn't put you at a disadvantage other than you being self- conscious.

Gosh - you have been so unlucky - this is very rare.

It is I know a very distressing condition and must be a huge burden to you. But is often true that we think that others are noticing these things more than they really are. My OH has PD and is very embarrassed about his tremors and unusual movements, when in fact I do know that others simply do not notice it at all.

Have you tried counselling? - with particular reference to helping you come to terms with this unfortunate side effect. It might be worth considering.

I used to work in a head injury service and people had a whole variety of neurological problems which they did come to terms with over time. I know it is not easy though and send you every good wish in finding your own way through this to acceptance.

Thank you both for your kind messages.

Only one out of the four neurologists I have seen actually believes I have TD - the others all say it is impossible and highly unlikely someone would get it after just a week. My psychaitrist said I was 'bloody bloody unlucky' and the neuro who did diagnose it said I was prob predisposed to it... And anyone with my medical history and head injury should never have been prescribed the drugs I was given.

I'm seeing the leading expert (another neurologist!) in this type of movement disorder in London next week and am hoping he can help and give me some hope for the future... 😔

I have been trying so hard to be positive after nearly a year living with involuntary movements, but it is so hard. I've had CBT, seen a psychaitrist, a stress counsellor and a psychologist so I've had my share of the experts. I just wish that someone could turn back time and take it all away...

Hey ho. Life goes on and things could be much worse I guess. Finding peace and acceptance will have to be my goal for 2017 I think. 😖🤔😥 xxx