Tumour and Work

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My partner has recently been diagnosed with a tumour. It's terminal. Today we found out the treatment (life prolonging in the hope research will advance quickly and a treatment will be found) has be postponed for at least 6 months.

I am up for a big promotion at work - I am the first choice. I'll know in February if I've got it. The treatment was going to start in January initially and I was going to speak to my boss as I'd have to take some time off during the treatment.

Now the surgery has been postponed, I really don't want to mention the whole thing incase it affects my promotion. We're are both 30 - I won't get this chance again (it is my dream job, I "made" it for myself and it has taken me 8 years to carve out the niche etc.).

Some of my colleagues are aware that he is unwell, but are unaware he's my partner (tried to always be professional). A couple of colleagues know that he is unwell and he is my partner.

We were meant to be attending a series of Christmas parties together, but separately (same parties, not as a couple, we have been invited separately). I don't want to go as I feel that if I am not there people are less likely to point out / realise we are a couple.

AIBU to conceal this part of my life from work for the time being? I mean until the treatment is actually confirmed and we have dates to start it (which would be after the promotion decision?) Or is that a really shit thing to do?

It's none of their business if you don't want to share it.

Yes of course it's fine
It's your private life

Everyone is different but I don't know that I would care too much about concealing my relationship in these circumstances.

How does your partner feel?

My partner thinks I should tell them now as he's sure I will get the job regardless and he feels that the job isn't meant for me if they don't want to employ me as a person with a sick partner.

Whilst I can see his point of view, it's my dream job and there's a 30,000 pound salary difference - which is going to be massive to us (means we might not actually lose our home as I may be able to pay our mortgage each month with my salary). At the moment my salary nowhere near covers our outgoings.

It's nothing to do with them and up to you if you want them to know our not.

Also your partner automatically has protection under the equality act because he has cancer and by association so do you. If they don't give you the job because of your partner's illness / treatment they are discriminating.

I wouldn't say a word OP.

Thanking you all! sistedtwister That's super interesting, I was totally unaware it covered me as well. His employer has been fantastic so far, thankfully.

I think that you should follow your instincts on this.