Weekend contact - DS with Ex-husband

[elfofftheshelf1970]

Have name changed as could be outing! My (soon to be) ExH texted me to say that he, his partner and baby are ill and might not be able to have DS (6) this weekend and could we swap weekends. Unfortunately we cannot as we have plans for the following weekend (so close to Christmas). I told him this but suggested that if they are better he could have DS this Sunday and overnight into Monday and then also on Weds after school nativity and then overnight too. He has texted back saying I am not prioritizing DS’s needs and that I should swap weekends regardless and if not, then DS would just have to risk it this weekend and hope he doesn’t get ill. I think that is ridiculous, DS has just fought off another sick bug and wheezy cough and if ill he will miss more school next week, Nativity play etc. He hasn’t referenced the extra time I have offered just says that I am being completely inflexible. So as not to dripfeed, the unmovable things the following weekend are a party that DS wishes to attend (he cannot go with his dad) and a lunch on the Sunday with his aunt and uncle that he hasn’t seen for ages as they are NC with ExH (his brother and wife) – both have been in the diary for months. AIBU and WWYD?

I would probably say that you are being flexible - you give him three options, he goes for normal contact despite the sickness, the suggestion you made or he skips contact till next weekend he is due to being with them. And then leave it in his hands. If he lived with his dad and they were all sick he couldn't just send him away so I don't see that as a valid reason I'm afraid unless they are so sick they couldn't keep him safe. It will be a shame if he catches something and is off but this happens sometimes.

just send back ok .see you at ... when you collect him...

Its game play simply ignore it.

'We can't swap weekends. You don't want to make him sick. You'll have to make it work somehow.' Xxxx

What diem said. Plus "let me know if you want to take up the offer of Sunday, Monday night and /or Wednesday pm"

Just say, if you are too ill to have him it doesn't depend on whether I swap weekends with you or not. Then keep him both weekends.

YANBU, it's your ex who is being unreasonable and inflexible.

Well I certainly wouldn't let him go now you know they are all sick, that would be very foolish.

Message him back saying "obviously he won't be coming until you are all better. If you are better by (x date) let me know. I appreciate it must be rotten you all being ill, but I cannot swap next weekend with you."

How sick are we talking? I continue to parent while I'm ill.

Has he heard about the lunch?

Otherwise, you are not being inflexible - you have given him options that work with DS.

If they're sick then TBH I wouldn't risk sending him and passing it on. I know that people say that he should parent regardless but we have the option here of not passing on a bug to a six year old - it's not wrong to not wish to do that.

If you already have plans next weekend meaning you can't swap then I would text back "am happy to keep DS this weekend but as we already have plans next weekend it won't be possible to swap. However he can always come to you during the week assuming you're better by then." And leave it at that. Any response after that I would just reply that you've been perfectly flexible.

Actually, yes Wannabe has the right answer.
I've had plans sabotaged with 'I'm ill' which clouded my judgement.
I assume you don't think that's what he's doing?

Many thanks for helpful answers and suggestions MNetters. I really don't want DS to pick up any more germs so I will text in the morning to ask how they all are and re-iterate the options available. I will also not be guilt-tripped about weekend swapping. I am trusting (against DP's judgement) that he is telling the truth as he has form for pulling out of having DS when it doesn't suit but their baby has had loads of bugs recently as is natural for that age so it could be true.