Going from one to two - emotionally

[LittleLionMansMummy]

Posting here for traffic and anecdotes.

Dd was born on Friday. She's beautiful and we're over the moon. Practically things are going well, she's breast feeding well and bonding nicely, we're getting out and about and in many ways we've found things easier this time around because it's not all so new and unknown.

Her 6yo big brother absolutely adores her and I know we're very lucky about that. No outward signs of jealousy at all. We're trying to involve him in helping us look after her, hold her etc. He's very proud of her.

But naturally it's a big adjustment for him, and us, emotionally. So he is acting out in other ways. This morning was a bit of a nightmare because I was feeding dd, dh was getting dressed to take ds to school and ds had been acting up a bit. Nothing too horrendous, just really dragging his feet, not listening to us when we ask him to get dressed, stalling for time more than usual, us having to repeatedly ask him to do things etc. He was disappointed that there wasn't time for a cuddle with his sister before school and it all got very frustrating all around. I wasn't able to help anyone and wasn't able to even give ds a proper cuddle goodbye or wave him off like I'd normally do and felt just awful. Coupled with baby blues (which so far I'd avoided) I've been crying ever since.

I know it's all normal and we'll come through it, but I miss ds and feel so guilty that he's facing such a massive upheaval. He and I are very close and while dh and I have so far split our time and attention well between the dc, it is nonetheless now split after 6 years of ds being the complete centre of our lives. He's such a lovely boy and I don't want to 'ruin' him and his happiness. I can't wait for the weekend when we'll all have more time together again and things aren't so rushed.

Is this normal? How long before things started to improve emotionally for others in similar circumstances?

Normal. We had the same except that dd (who was 3) was not safe around her baby brother; she would go from wanting to kiss him to throwing things at him in a split second, her emotions were just too much for her. The first few weeks I had to shut him into the bedroom to be able to go to the loo; I took her with me wherever I went just to keep him safe. It cleared up in a matter of months and they've been great friends ever since. Nothing sweeter than seeing a tall bearded teenager sharing a laugh with his big sister or asking her advice on some teen matter that the old fogies couldn't possibly understand. You get the sense that you have given them something that will last long after you are gone. So hang in there- it will all be worth it in the end.

Just remember that if there is a choice between tending to him immediately or tending to the baby- he will notice more than the baby does.

Sounds like he, and you are coping really well. It is very early days!

Have been through similar as I have a 4mo and a 5yo. Moments of jealousy and overwhelming emotions are totally normal, as you'll know, but I have found they don't last long. We are really enjoying having an age gap where the older one is old enough to be properly aware of the baby. She loves her so much, and the little one loves her big sister. You'll have tears again for a different reason the first time your baby gives his or her big brother a smile, or laughs at something they do!

Oh god ... Ours was just a 2 year age gap and DS1 had only stopped BF 4 months previously so he was a nightmare and very demanding. We then went from 2-3 kids ... That was easy ... You just dealt with which one shouted the loudest!!!
It will be fine and all fall into line... The first 3 months are the worst!

Its very normal and everything will settle into place. Its the natural way of things. The guilt you feel for not having the same amount of 'time' for first born will eventually balance out with guilt that second child never gets that only child time. But I'm being flippant really. It does all work out and there is nothing better than the dynamic of siblings. (Thats not a negative thing against single children though before I get flamed!).

It's normal. He's struggling with the fact that he's not getting all your attention any more. If he misbehaves he gets attention. My DD tried this too.

Can you work it so that he gets a certain amount of your time every day that is his and uninterrupted? Perhaps at bed time so you could read him a story or hear him read.