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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is meeting friends online a bit sad?

24 replies

user1478260362 · 30/11/2016 15:30

Now my University course has finished I find myself without friends in my local area and have joined a site called 'meet up'. I'd never heard of it before but it's where people arrange social events and you go along to them and meet new people and have a laugh.
I went to my first meet up and already have a friend who I've arranged to go for a coffee with. This is two days after joining. I'm really excited for my next meet up.

My friends from my hometown have said they think I'm 'better than that' and most people on there will be weirdos who can't meet any friends in a normal way. Also they said it's dangerous. I'm not sure how it's dangerous if all meet ups are in public and it's in a large group. Then they said it's a bit 'sad'.

Personally I don't care. If I'm 'sad' so be it :-D

AIBU to think there's nothing wrong with meeting friends online or it is genuinely a bit sad? Go on, I'm able to take honest opinions.

OP posts:

GeminiRising · 30/11/2016 15:36

YANBU. Not sad at all.

When we meet new people and make friends as adults, we don't know them from adam on the first meeting, they could be weirdos too! What's the difference?

I have a bunch of about 12 friends that I meet up with regularly that I met online over 10 years ago. We've gone away for weekends together and everything. If you're meeting in larger groups to start off with then it's pretty safe and you will make a few friends that you're happy to meet outside of the large group.

DearMrDilkington · 30/11/2016 15:38

It's not sad! Ignore them!!

Glad you've made a friend already.

Mishegoss · 30/11/2016 15:38

I think it's probably quite normal now really. Everything is on social media, most people use it and you can meet all kinds of people. Some are odd, some aren't. Just like anywhere. I don't think it's sad. I have some great friends I've met through conventional means like my sons school or baby groups and also friends I've met via online groups and forums.

Bloopbleep · 30/11/2016 15:38

Some of my best friends I met online 15 years ago. We started off as a huge group and slowly ended up with a few close friends. Sadly we live all over the world so meetings are irregular but I'm so glad we did meet up. Who cares how you meet people as long as you're comfortable and you're liking the people you do meet?

Nocabbageinmyeye · 30/11/2016 15:40

It's not sad at all, it's a sign of the times I think. It's a bit like online dating, so many couples meet online now yet it is still a bit taboo for some reason.

I have a very close friend I met through a forum, similar to this but not mumsnet, we were due the same month and there was a fb group set up for people due the same time, we are close friends years later and friends independent of our kids, I would go as far as to say she is my best friend, sometimes you just click with someone, it doesn't matter where you meet. Go for it i reckon

MLGs · 30/11/2016 15:42

No, not sad at all. Modern.

Northernpowerhouse · 30/11/2016 15:42

No not at all! I joined meet up about 4 years ago and have met lots of lovely people and some have become good friends.

There will be a small number of weirdos/ stalkerish /difficult types but no more than you would meet in RL. I have become so much better at spotting them and avoiding them now.

Tonight I am off to the pictures with a friend I know from meet up, she is normal, funny and friendly.

Wookiecookies · 30/11/2016 15:43

Sounds like they are the sad ones if they think you should remain lonely in your new location OP.

I dont see the problem, agree with pp's that anyone you meet face to face in an organic way could be a nut job, so I cannot see what the difference is, provided you observe common sense safety protocols.

JamieLannistersFuckButler · 30/11/2016 15:44

I think that it's the way we live now.

If lots of people were just managing somehow to meet in real life, Meetup wouldn't exist!

I have rarely met people I REALLY got on with at work, and most of the other ladies I've met in the last 15 years have had kids (I don't; yes we might have things in common but beyond a quick chat at e.g. the start of an exercise class, they don't have time to socialise like I do).

I'm a member of several online groups relevant to my own interests. I have something in common with the members of these groups, so we have stuff to chat about. Members who are near each other start to meet in person occasionally...works for us.

stripybluejumper · 30/11/2016 15:46

Not sad at all!!! I joined Meetup after my DH left and I was feeling so lonely and alone. I have to admit that I did meet a lot of weirdos but I also met some great women who I am still friends with and have gone away on holidays with them too! Please don't let people put you off...go for it!!

Chemistria · 30/11/2016 15:47

i dont think so.

I'm on POF to meet friends , (really) my OH is fine with it and i wanted to meet some other gay parents, and I did! met a lovely couple and we've met up a few times.

I also have met a lovely friend from the other parenting forum, we've been messaging every day for 3 years now and I've been to visit her (she lives about 200 miles away)

i met my best ever friends in uni and i cant ever see that happening again, those sorts of friendships but I'm always up for meeting people outaide of work etc

TerrorAustralis · 30/11/2016 15:49

Your friends ABU.

I moved to a new country. I have lovely friends here. If it wasn't for social media I would most likely have no friends here.

JellyBelli · 30/11/2016 15:51

I'm disabled and poor and cant travel, and most of my friends live on my computer. Apparently one is in Alaska and one in Ireland, a couple are in America.
Whats sad or dangerous about it? They are the same people you'd meet if you travelled there...

DonaldStott · 30/11/2016 15:54

I don't think you are sad at all!! I think you're brave getting out there. You are obviously joining groups with people who have a common interest, which is an excellent way to meet new friends.

OohhItsNotHoxton · 30/11/2016 15:56

YANBU. Meet up is a fantastic way to meet people with whom you share interests. I met the three best friends I've ever had on social media.
Good on you for proactively improving your social circle.

RattieOfCatan · 30/11/2016 15:57

meetup is great if your local area is active, i met loads of people through it when i lived in a city. i met up with my local mnetters too, they're a brilliant bunch who i'll miss now i've moved again! nothing wrong with meeting people online imo

Temporaryname137 · 30/11/2016 15:58

It used to be sad. It's absolutely normal now!

Joolsy · 30/11/2016 16:01

Not sad at all. When I first became a mum I didn't know many other mums so I met some online that were local to me. I'm still friends with them around 10 years later.

Once my kids are a bit older I intend to join an online meetup group that has nothing to do with kids!!!

CockneyViv · 30/11/2016 16:01

One of my friends moved to the other end of the country and made some very good friends via meetup (and a husband!!).

SocksRock · 30/11/2016 16:13

I've just recently spent a weekend in London with two people I met online. We had an amazing weekend full of drinking and yarn and food and laughter. Not sad at all.

Butterpuff · 30/11/2016 16:20

I was getting close to trying something like this (despite moving back home after university) because all my friends were in different places. In the end I joined a club which was a hobby and poached my brothers friend group. I have a friend who used meetup though who is a top bloke and who met lots of great people when he moved to a new town for work and had no connections outside work. I think its just a great way of finding friends if you don't have a way in. Hobby type clubs are great too though as you know you will have something in common.

lukasgrahamfan · 30/11/2016 16:23

Many years ago I met up with in person quite a few people who I'd chatted to online. I'd got to know them over time and everyone was who they said their were and just fine....all female though, just one male.

I met my closest friend online who subsequently moved to my home town and we meet every week....17 years on!

I can express myself far better by the written word so it suited me very well to make connections via e mail,,, then phone conversations.

So, not weird at all. Far better than being lonely and feeling cut off, and at the mercy of people who are so judgmental, closed minded and ignorant of modern life/ modern ways of communicating. Anyone we haven't met is a stranger initially, the same as the person we meet in a club or pub who could be an oddball and liar.

However caution and common sense and keeping safe is still needed. Having said that one of most twisted, unkind and deeply unpleasant people I was friends with before she showed her true colours was a religious church goer!

Frazzled2207 · 30/11/2016 16:23

Not sure how it's that different to meeting a partner online, which I did. Very normal in this day and age. Good for you.

FireSquirrel · 30/11/2016 17:59

Of course it's not sad. Send your judgey friends this:

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