WIBU to say that DS can't do this one thing that he really wants to do?

[LemonSky]

DS has social anxiety, he is having CBT.

He struggles to get through school, so doesn't want to do any clubs. He would really like to try a martial art, but refuses to even try a class.

He found out that he can have private lessons. They're kind of expensive, but I'd just be able to afford them. However, won't this make his social anxiety worse?

I don't know what to do. I don't want to make him worse.

I'd be minded to think that getting the very basics on board privately could give him the confidence to join a group later on.

You could offer a time-limited set of lessons on the understanding that they were to work towards joining a group, which would already have the discipline to make the experience less threatening. For him, it would be the same environment but with more people, whereas going straight into a large beginners' class is more of an unknown.

Forcing someone to be social with anxiety can set them back what you could do is work towards him joining a class so say yes to private lessons for a set time but say let's see how you are in X months time. There is a fine line between protecting them and pandering iyswim

Martial arts is excellent for giving children confidence and helping them overcome difficulties, I teach martial arts and we've seen many children with varying difficulties thrive in our club. It's pretty inexpensive but yes, private lessons are going to be expensive and not realistic to pursue long term but might well be an idea to start your son off on the understanding it's only for a short time if he really won't go to a class. Have you taken him to watch any? I often suggest parents bring their kids to watch a session first so they can see what's involved.

Also pick your club wisely, some these days seem to be geared to kids fun sessions combining martial arts with games and can be pretty boisterous and not necessarily learning too much actual martial arts.

If I had a child with severe issues like that, I'd be happy for them to do an activity they showed an interest in in a way that made them happy and comfortable. He may want to join the group sessions later so I would see it as a possible step towards that.

I have a lot of anxiety and I hate doing things in clubs and groups. Doing something like this would be a godsend for anyone with anxiety and social issues.

As a side note, have you looked at applying for DLA for your son? This could be used to fund private lessons. I don't know if it is awarded for anxiety, but my son does not have any diagnosis but lots of medical input & reports & receives it at middle rate (suspected ASC).

Agree with first posts...

I'd set a trial lesson then watch a group.

Then a maximum of three private lessons interspersed with being in the group location, so that the environment becomes familiar and easy.

Then group only, even if not joining in, for a full term. Then join in or dont bother.

You have a lot going on. Unless you are a millionaire, you need to be specific with cash and time, and make sure the anxious child does not get addicted to the private lesson if the group environment is what will work for the whole family.

But good luck. You clearly are careful and caring. You are more likely than some to make it work.

Trial the private lessons for a limited time, then once he's reached a slightly better than beginner's standard, try putting him in a class.

He'll know he's got the basics and he might be a bit more confident in front of other classmates.

I think the confidence from doing a martial art would be great. It will help him to feel safer perhaps.

I think private lessons for a strictly limited time, followed by group lessons would work well. He'll get to meet the teacher, and hopefully get comfortable in the room where the group lessons are delivered.

Maybe sit in on some group lessons (if possible) to allow him to 'rehearse' joining the class.

I'd go for the private lessons. It's exercise and being in a situation with a new person.

It could very well be the first baby step towards helping his social anxiety. I think sometimes we've all got a tendency to try and find "the" overriding solution to a problem when the real solution is lots of little steps in different directions that add up to a greater whole.

After some time, try him in a class. He'll have confidence through his private lessons that will likely help him manage that environment at that point.

Good luck!