To think that a doctor shouldn't say this?

[mysistersimone]

I'm having a tough week. My son was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes last Monday and I'm very emotional about it. Not infront of him though. Saw the diabetes nurse yesterday and she said she was concerned I was still crying about it and I should go to the doctors. She spoke to the doctor herself about me and I had my appointment this morning.

I have had depression in the past and my marriage is dead in the water. We just need to have the talk. I chat to the doctor about that.

Doctor talks about tablets and counselling etc. I listen and say I think it's a bit soon to take tablets. Said I wasn't getting emotional support at home but I have a holiday (by myself) in January to look forward to and recharge. He says, "you need to find yourself a beach bum, get some full body therapy. I can't prescribe for that though". I just embaressed laughed and left. I'm not a prude, but I'd expect that comment from a friend not my doctor!

I would assume the 'beach bum' and 'full body therapy' refers to lying on a beach all day and getting some sun. I don't see anything offensive about that, just a light hearted reply to your holiday comment.

I suspect that the doc just made a misplaced comment to try and make you smile - you've obviously got a lot hanging over your head at the moment, and maybe he thought you'd appreciate the idea of something nice happening (probably projection on his part!)

I don't think it was very professional, no - but I prefer my docs to have a bit of humanity about them, and a sense of humour is useful. But I think he did mis-read your "state" and didn't realise it wasn't appropriate just now.

Can I leave the dr aside and ask if you've made contact with the Type 1 community? You probably have, but if not try CWD (children with diabetes) on Facebook - they're the gateway to many other groups. Talking with people who are going through it too, or have been through it does help. It's normal to be down - it's a life changing event for the whole family - talking to people who understand helps most.

I didn't read the doctors comments as referring to her having sex at all.

Beach bum and full body therapy to me implies he meant go to the gym or pamper yourself, basically to look after yourself and have some 'you time'

I haven't yet reached out to other parents, I think that's a good idea. I think feelifeeling so alone doesn't help. It's not nice to have a sob and your husband just ignores you.

Thanks for the stories from other mums. I like them

Oh, and I really hope the doctor wasn't offering I think he very much insinuated bag a man for sex. It was the smarmy half grin that gave me that impression!

hangrybird thank you, for making me feel normal, it means a lot

I honestly wouldn't hear that as being about sex. I think it means sit your bum on a beach for two weeks and get some rest. Possibly get a massage or use the hotel spa.

I'm quite prudish too and wouldn't think it was funny at all if a doctor told me to have sex to relax etc but I don't think that is what they meant.

Oh yuk with the doctor's smarmy grin - that does change the context!

You could / should complain if you feel up to it - very unprofessional behaviour from him.

I'd go back to the GP's anyway, not the same one though, and ask if you can be referred to counselling. It sounds like you've got so much going on anyone would struggle to cope .

How old is your son? My daughter was diagnosed aged 10, is now 31 and travelling the world with her fiancé - a few hiccups on the way, but living life to the full. We had a paediatric diabetes liaison nurse after she was diagnosed, which made a huge difference at the time as someone to talk to and advise. She also came into school with us to talk to her teachers which made life much easier. Ask if there is such a person where you live.

A beach bum is someone who idly spends time lounging on the beach. I didn't see anything offensive in what he said.

So sorry about your sons diagnosis

A patient once saw me and when I told her that she had fractured a bone and would need to be off work for six weeks, she burst into tears saying her and her Dh were ttc. I then responded with "well you've git nothing else to do for six weeks make the best of it". . I was mortified and have no idea why on earth I suggested that!

That's hilarious moreis I proper laughed out loud at that.

My son is 7. We do have a nurse who spoke to his school yesterday and he went back today, he was off 6 days and it was a strange and intense time. Today felt normal as he went to school.

I think I will seek counselling, I can't do it all and not be affected.

Are you sure that you heard every word clearly?

I'm not meaning to cast doubt (and you have also said he had a 'smarmy' smile), but if you change the word 'bum' to 'and' or 'um' the meaning could well be different.

""you need to find yourself a beach (and) get some full body therapy. I can't prescribe for that though""

or
""you need to find yourself a beach; 'um get some full body therapy. I can't prescribe for that though"".

I heard him clearly, definitely said "find yourself a beach bum" he was looking at me when he said it.

It's quite clear that he was implying that the OP needs to find a beach bum who'll give her a good seeing to as a stress reliever. It was a dodgy thing to say really, but in your shoes I think I'd try to forget it for now and focus on the diabetes thing. Hopefully he did think 'FFS why did I say that?!' when you led, especially if your face was like .

Left not led

Even if the gp did mean sex I don't see the problem. Apart from your marriage problem obviously. But if he said it to someone else I don't see the problem. Sex is supposed to relax you, sooo. ...

What is a beach bum?

If "body therapy" is just relaxing/lying in the sun, why would Op need to find a "beach bum"?

Sounds really inappropriate to me.

I try to give people the benefit of the doubt but sometimes you just think that it's not that hard to say nothing, rather than try to be smart!

OH is type 1, as was my father. It does take a while to get used to - be kind to yourselves, give yourself and your son time, listen to advice but find your own way. We've had a huge amount of support from the DiabetesUK forums - there are some very kind and very experienced people on there. I personally would not dismiss taking antidepressants - sounds as if you have a huge amount going on and anything that will help is worth a go, IMHO.

Was he that doctor from the Carry On Films? He may as well have said you need a good seeing to madam..

I assume he was trying to lighten the mood as your appointment came to a close, albeit in a rather clumsy way. Hopefully he was cringing with embarrassment as you left and kicking himself.

Hope you feel better soon .

I would have heard it as "find your inner beach bum by lazing around" or "develop a beach-ready bum like those on the adverts by exercising", rather than "find a dirty man to sleep with you". (Either way, bit weird, but not necessarily sexual?)

It probably was unprofessional, but designed to cheer you up (obviously it failed!)

I personally don't see it as a big deal for a one-off comment.

I understand why you would find it uncomfortable that he said that but there's nothing wrong with a good shag ;-) I would laugh.

Sorry it is difficult for you to deal with your son's diagnosis. But at least now you know how to help him. My auntie has diabetes 1 and she is in her late 60s at the moment. She has two kids and is now raising grandkids. I don't think her life would be any different is she didn't have the disease.