A bit pissed off with a friend, AIBU?

[MintyChops]

A group of us goes away once a year, old uni friends. We are all in our forties now, we always rent a cottage, stay in on one of the nights, drink wine, make dinner, get a bit drunk and dance. We always like taking photos when we are having dinner, out walking, group shots a few selfies etc. All fine. I don't like having my photo taken, I am very overweight and am self-conscious. I can just about tolerate it with some warning. You can see where this is going....

One of the group shot a few videos while we were dancing, being drunk and silly. She has now posted them to our Whatsapp group and several of them feature me, actually focus almost entirely on me and I'm really upset and humiliated. I thought I could dance freely, forget how massive I am and enjoy myself. I look so huge and clumsy and feel so stupid now while at the time it was fun in the cold light of day when you see yourself like that it is awful. I have deleted them but obviously everyone else has them. I want to do tell my friend that I am upset and don't want her to do that again. AIBU? I know it is my issue not hers but it just feels so......sneaky or something.

No grim drunken selfies or vile dancing shots

point this out to her!

I know what you mean about it seeming to focus mostly on you as I have had similar done to me so I doubt that it was innocently done.

I would say something along the lines of what Political said. She should know that it has spoiled it somewhat for you (and your other friend) and she should be asked not to do it again. Otherwise some of you might start not wanting to go.

If it's any consolation, "candid" shots of you or other friends but naice ones of her just make her look bad!

Thanks Geek, sound advice. I will say nothing and ask that it doesn't happen again just before the next weekend.

Yes, just mention it in advance next time.

To be honest, if she is uploading unflattering images of everyone else but only flattering ones of herself, she's probably got as many self-esteem issues as you do.

It's so weird this sort of thing. My friend is lovely in all ways except she does things like this too.

Last week she went on a day out with a group of mates...I wasn't there...she uploaded about 4 pics to FB...well chosen group shots, all the kids some parents etc.

And ONE shot of our very overweight friend, sitting in an unflattering position, at the very moment she was putting a sandwich in her mouth.

I was taken aback. How must our mate feel? Why do this?

Might be a good idea to have everyone agree that what goes on in the group stays in the group -- no sharing of pics or experiences unless everyone agrees it's ok.

IMHO it should be about people respecting your wishes. Cameras can be intrusive. Life's photographers forget we are not all so bloody fascinated with what they do with their camera!

It is an unpopular view these days, but I so agree!

Let people live in the moment, fgs.

I would say something tbh.
I think it is quite rude to video someone dancing whilst they are tipsy and then post it without prior consultation as to whether that person is happy for others to see it or not.
I think she should have posted it only to you OP and then it would have been up to you whether you wanted to post it to the group or not.
Unless it genuinely was a group video and then I guess it might be more understandable as your friend might just have thought it was a fun memory of the group drunk dancing not just OP.
However I would still tell her you weren't impressed and please could she not do this again. If she is a good friend she will understand and be mortified that she has upset or embarrassed you. Especially when you point out that she has only posted flattering photos of herself, not ones of her drunk dancing!

I have a friend who has form for precisely this sort of behaviour, exacerbated by the fact that she fancies herself as a semi-pro photographer. I have asked her to take unflattering pictures down from FB before and she has brushed me off. She also takes lots of photos on drunken nights and puts them up on a group messenger thread. I ignore these. Other friends laugh at how horrifically unflattering her pictures are (except the ones she posts of herself natch). It has affected how I feel about her but I realise the main issue is my unhappiness with my weight.

I used to have a friend like this. Would take embarrassing videos and post them up then plead ignorance or accuse us of overreacting if we complained. It got so stressful going out with her that we made a group decision to ditch her.

Could you talk to her and point out that she is putting up flattering photos of herself and unflattering photos of others, that it's mean to do it that way and it makes you feel bad?

I am definitely going to say something but I'm going to wait until the plans are underway for the next weekend. I don't want to make it a bigger deal than it is but I am going to make sure it doesn't happen again.

By the way, one of the others posted a group photo and she didn't look her best and actually commented "Must get my roots done". I allowed myself a slightly mean chuckle at that!

You deserved that chuckle 😄