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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to elope?

16 replies

Bellyrub1980 · 27/11/2016 22:46

I'm not sure 'elope' is the correct term!

Basically me and my DP/OH/man/BF/Fiancé etc etc want to get married. We have a 2 year old daughter and we have just come through possibly the most stressful 2 years of our lives so far. (New baby, PND, moved house, job change, new house flooded, house gutted and put back together again.) It push our relationship to the absolute limit, but we got through it and we are now happy. I think I'm happier than I've ever been actually. So we want to get married. It just feels right to do it now. I'm 100% certain.

Anyhoo, we're only in the early planning stages and already I can feel it becoming stressful. I dont want stress. I don't want to worry about the price, or how I look, or the flowers, or how nice the venue is or how rustic it will be, or whether it's too far for family to travel, or if I invite this auntie do I have to invite my second cousin twice removed....... I literally just want to be married.

How out of order would it be if we just booked a registry office, paid £50 and grabbed 2 witnesses off the street? No ceremony. No invites. No party. Just simply I am Miss one day and Mrs the next.

Would our close family be angry or upset? Is it important for fathers to experience walking their daughter down the isle? Is it selfish of me to deny my DF that?

I can't help thinking everyone will be relieved. I mean, weddings are a massive expensive pain in the arse for everyone right?!!!

OP posts:
Ice3 · 27/11/2016 22:51

I did it this year and don't regret it at all.

We did tell our parents beforehand though because if they had been horribly upset I probably would have continued putting it off. They were okay with it though thankfully.

TheNaze73 · 27/11/2016 22:54

They are complete ballache.

Go for it Smile

Paddingtonthebear · 27/11/2016 22:54

We did it too.

There were some very pissed off family members but we don't regret it. Family drama was the main reason we didn't want a "normal" wedding!

Somerville · 27/11/2016 22:58

As long as you and your fiancé are both happy about it, then do it. Don't tell too many people or you'll get talked out of it!

CockacidalManiac · 27/11/2016 23:00

Go for it

juneybean · 27/11/2016 23:00

This is exactly what I'm planning but it's costing more than £50!

pullingmyhairout1 · 27/11/2016 23:03

Go for it. I wanted to do it this way but his nibs is wanting a lavish do.

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 27/11/2016 23:04

Sounds blissful. Smile

Mind you, my family have been well warned in advance that if I ever decide to put a ring on it, the first they'll hear about it is after it's done.

You know your family best. Do you think they'll be upset?

RumAppleGinger · 27/11/2016 23:11

Slightly different but me and DH pissed off to Mexico. People knew we were getting married whilst there but they also knew they weren't invited! It took us 30 minutes to "plan" our wedding and I did it whilst drinking cocktails.

It was perfect for us, neither like being the centre of attention and the thought of a traditional wedding really never appealed. and I couldn't stomach spending my hard saves house deposit on a party

Original poster
Bellyrub1980 · 27/11/2016 23:12

Yes I think my mum will be really upset she wasn't there. I think my dad will say it was a good decision as it saved money and it's just a formality anyway since we did things in the wrong order (child first) so It's not a 'proper' marriage.

I feel like I can't win either way with my DF. If I do have a £5k wedding it's a huge waste of money. If I don't I will upset them for not including them.

OP posts:
RumAppleGinger · 27/11/2016 23:17

Couldn't you have the £50 registry office do with both sets of parents there? Or it that just going to lead to other people being upset that they missed out?

BaggyCheeks · 27/11/2016 23:24

This is what we're currently planning on doing, although it's more of an elopement-lite because our families would be annoyed at missing out - us, the dc, both sets of parents and our siblings at a registry office.

We do have wobbles about it though. We don't have loads of friends we'd want to invite, so worry that the ones we would have invited would be pissed off about it. But I really don't want a wedding I have to organise, or costs any real money, and we've already disagreed on where to draw the line with guests.

Loaferloveforyou · 27/11/2016 23:26

I'm in the middle of planning a huge wedding and starting to think eloping is the right idea.

All our families have said to do what we want, but I know if it was as low key as you are suggesting they would be disappointed.

Ask your self the following;

Who would be upset if you got married this way?
How upset would they be?
How important to you are they?
Could you compromise, say have a low key wedding then a party, or a meal with a select few?
If you went ahead with a more 'normal' wedding is there anyone who would help with the planning to take the stress out of it?

Most importantly, what do you and DP want to do? Ultimately that's the question. You only get to do it once. If you piss people off by not having a 'normal' wedding they will get over it and (one would hope) respect your wishes, but it's your day. You don't want to look back in years to come and regret your wedding day because you planned it to please other people.

DearMrDilkington · 27/11/2016 23:28

If I ever get married this will be exactly how I do it.

Go for it and don't feel guilty.

microsnake · 27/11/2016 23:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OohhThatsMe · 27/11/2016 23:35

I think if I were going to do that, I'd invite both sets of parents and go for a lovely meal afterwards. Job done. Would that be possible?

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