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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Nanny opening mail for DS

33 replies

MrsNuckyThompson · 27/11/2016 19:31

DS is 3.5. Our nanny has been with us for 2.5 years.

Obviously DS doesn't get a huge amount of mail but now that he is at kindergarten he's getting more party invitations and info from the school, either posted or handed out at school. She does pick up/ drop off 4 days per week.

I'm getting increasingly annoyed that she is constantly opening envelopes addressed to DS. I just feel this is overstepping the mark. She's his nanny, not his guardian. Examples over the last two weeks have included:

  • one thank you card for a birthday gift received;
  • letter from school telling us about DS' part in the nativity and what costume is needed (in book bag with DS' name on front, not ours)
  • parcel from my DM containing an advent calendar for DS (this was actually put away and not mentioned to me until a week later when I found it); and
  • a party invitation.

Other than the parcel (where we didn't acknowledge or thank DM for the gift for ages) there is no real consequence of her doing this. It just feels like an intrusion and I feel that as his parents we should be first to read/ find out these things. AIBU and WIBU to say something and ask her not to do this going forward or should I just take the view that as it does no real harm I should just get over it?

OP posts:
MrsNuckyThompson · 01/12/2016 22:22

Thanks all.

She opens the stuff but does nothing with it other than read it and tell DS (the nice part of it's an invitation!).

She doesn't diarise, organise presents, organise costumes, bag or label costumes or RSVP for us. I can totally see that if she was doing that stuff she would open the stuff. But it's like she wants to do the nice (nosy?) part without the work!

Guess my options are now clear: either get her to do it all or stop opening the post.

FWIW I still think that opening something that came in the post for DS is a bloody bloody cheek!

OP posts:
Cuttingthecheese · 01/12/2016 22:39

You really don't sound like you like her all that much. Do you resent having to pay for childcare? Is it that you would rather you were there to do it yourself?

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 01/12/2016 22:59

Maybe she's giving it to ds to open?

cheekyfunkymonkey · 01/12/2016 23:04

I don't have a nanny but this would P*ss me right off, I just find it intrusive, but then I think I would find having a nanny intrusive too.

WhisperingLoudly · 01/12/2016 23:05

If she opens it she deals with it.

My nanny opened the "mail" and then prompted me to reply/bought the present/organised the costume.

It was part of her role and I'd have been irritated if she hadn't.

MissDuke · 02/12/2016 06:24

I can see why this would annoy you, it would annoy me too - but probably for the reason mentioned above, I would be annoyed I wasn't there to do it myself!

Opening letters in the mail is particularly excessive.

My mum helps me with childcare and she wouldn't dream of opening anything. Though invites are usually opened and read in school so rarely need opening at home with my children.

MrsNuckyThompson · 02/12/2016 22:32

cheese very perceptive. No, I don't resent her being there or wish I was going it all myself. But there have been a few issues lately. Part of the reason for the AIBU was to sense check my reaction and make sure I want being completely unreasonable!!!

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 02/12/2016 23:23

As a sole charge nanny for 25yrs sounds normal. Nanny empty book bag and opens letters and leaves for you to read

Most including myself would write in diary and buy pressie if a party after checking with you that they could go

But if it bothers you then tell her

Us nannies are not mind readers

If she is doing something you dislike tell her

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