To ask if you would behave like this?

[WillIAmTell23]

My sister is going through a hard time at the moment and doesn't live with nice flatmates; we live in the same big city but about an hour away from each other, so I invited her to spend the weekend with me. I had work to do but was hoping we could have done quality time together and enjoy each other's company.

The problem was, she only ever seems to want things on her terms/behave as if she lives in my house! It's a house share, everyone's nice but still a bit awkward just to do things without asking me. I've cooked for her all weekend and washed up etc. This morning, she woke up before me and went downstairs, leaving my bedroom door wide open. Made toast for herself and an individual pot of coffee and went and sat in the lounge to eat it. I have a huge room, she could have eaten upstairs or even made breakfast for me (!) - she then went back into my bed to play on her phone/read the paper.

She also shouted at me several times, obviously designed to embarrass me/show me up in front of my housemates. I don't get it! Is this an acceptable way to behave at someone's house?!

I really don't see the issue here at all.

You didn't want her to eat in the lounge whilst you were asleep?

I would have thought that given the choice of eating in the lounge or a bedroom, almost anyone would pick the lounge as being most appropriate, if there isn't space in the kitchen.

Taking food into bedrooms is seen as a bit scruffy to a lot of people and that's before you consider that she was probably trying not to disturb you.

I don't think her getting up earlier than you and having coffee and toast in the sitting room is anything to be bitching about....and I've done flat share more than once. You were sleeping. What she did was normal.

I wouldn't have come back with my toast and eaten it in the bedroom while you were asleep...that would be weird. And I'd have to be quiet. Why is she not allowed on the lunge without you? I doubt your flat mates are going to be horrified to find your sister sitting unaccompanied on a sofa.

Have never heard of this flatshare "rule". Surely nobody would have any issue with someone (who they have met) sitting quietly on a sofa in a communal area eating some toast before going back upstairs? Would you not just say 'morning!' and carry on doing what you wanted to do...are guests supposed to hide away and speak only when spoken to? Bizarre!
You clearly have issues as siblings that go beyond this as (aside from the shouting which you admit you both did) this is all nothing really. She didn't make you breakfast as you were in bed. She didn't make coffee for anyone else as presumably nobody was up?
Instead of staying with each other and having this clash of personalities, stick to day visits and meeting up for lunch.

Ehrm, I'm unsure why it's not up to her whether she eats her breakfast in the lounge or your bedroom, sorry that's weird and controlling. You were asleep. Are you saying that if she's asleep you basically make her breakfast then go and sit in uour room so she wakes up?

You shouted at each other, so I'm assuming she has similar thoughts on you as you do her, I doubt she thinks you shouted at her in a nice polite way.

Sorry, I don't think you're covering yourself in glory here.

The problem was, she only ever seems to want things on her terms

You sound as bad as each other. Your terms are that she can only eat in your bedroom and not in the lounge, she must make breakfast for you when she makes it for herself and that she cannot sit in bed and read on her phone.

She can't eat in the lounge? What weird rules do you have in your house?

This doesn't happen to be the same sister that stood you up for hours when you took her for a birthday meal, is it?

Apologies if not just some details sound familiar.

I am so delighted to live by myself

Were you asleep when your sis went downstairs to make herself breakfast, OP?

I'd fucking murder someone who woke me up on my day off to ask if I wanted tea and toast made for me.

As for the rest, ideally she would have closed over the bedroom door, but it's hardly the end of the world, is it?

Eating your breakfast in the communal room or kitchen is normal behaviour. It also seems damn more considerate than eating it in a bedroom and risk waking the other occupant.

As for shouting at you, why was she doing that? What was the argument about?

If she just suddenly started shouting at you, in response to something that annoyed her, then that's extremely disrespectful and you have to make that clear to her. The breakfast-eating complaint doesn't make any sense at all and stems, I think, from you trying to claw back a bit of control in this situation where it is obvious that your sister has the upper hand. The relationship between you is clearly unequal (from you waiting on her all weekend) and you have to work at getting your self-respect back and insisting that she treats you properly. I would start by avoiding her for a while and, when she next gets in touch, tell her calmly that the shouting and unfair expectations have to stop if you are going to be able to have a relationship. The breakfast thing is actually a bit of a red herring here, and distracts from the main issue.