AIBU to be annoyed that he didn't call when he said he would?

[movingforward2016]

So I am in a long distance relationship and love my bf very much, we are in the process of arranging for him to move in with me so within the next couple of months we will be living together!

He is really lovely and great and caring in many ways I've never been happier with a man or trusted a partner as much as I do him.

There is something that really annoys me about him though, sometimes he just doesn't call me back when he says he will and I find it rude. For example last night we spoke about 7ish briefly, he said she was meeting a friend and will call me later for "a proper catch up" he then didn't call. If I was out with a friend and I was busy the least i would do is send a text to say something like "im still out with my mate so it will probably be too late to call when I get in I will call you tomorrow! Night xx" something along those lines!

So AIBU to be annoyed he didn't call when he said he would?

As this has happened on quiet a few occasions and I have spoke to him about it but it keeps happening I'm thinking about ignoring him for a bit and let him see how it feels! Would that be unreasonable?

Yes, it would be very unreasonable to do that.

How much time have you spent together?

We usually see each other every 2-3 weeks for about 4 days at a time! Sometimes we see each other for 2 weekends in a row for a couple of days. But we have known each other for years and speak everyday on the phone / FaceTime and have been in a relationship for a year!

So if it is unreasonable to ignore him what should I do instead? As I have spoke to him about it before and it doesn't change that he still does it sometimes and I find it rude!

I'm not sure. I don't think it's that bad IYSWIM? I wouldn't want to feel like I had to message DP but then we're not long distance. Sorry OP no help!

I think you sound a bit needy. You knew he was out with a friend. He probably stayed out longer than he intended. It happens. Why can't your chat wait until the morning?

I agree I wouldn't want my bf to feel like he "has" to message me either! I think I just feel that his behavior is rude sometimes because I would always message him if I was meant to call him and didn't / wasn't able to etc!

And I think as it is a long distance relationship and we both love each other and miss each other a lot (we both hate leaving each other) communication is very important!

Magic - the chat could wait until today! My point is if I said I was going to call him and wasn't able to I would text him to say I wasn't going to call and we will chat tomorrow instead!

Personally I get really irritated when people say they're going to do something but don't, regardless of who they are and what they said they'd do. I can't stand unreliable people, and these little niggles chip away at relationships in my experience.

Either accept that he does this, and suck it up. Or ask him once more not to do it, and end your relationship if he does.

They're pretty much your only choices.

Sometimes you have to just accept that someone is a certain way. It won't be that he's deliberately ignoring you, it probably just doesn't cross his mind that it's a big deal. TBH i think you're over reacting to be so annoyed about it. So sometimes things come up, he forgets to let you know he's busy and doesn't call. In the scheme of things it's a really minor issue, i'd be more concerned if i was him that you're a bit obsessive and over bearing. You can be in a relationship and not have to talk EVERY single day, just like it doesn't have to be a deep, hour long meaningful call every time. He needs space outside of the relationship too, you can't be in each others pockets all the time.

DH and I were 5000 away from each other for many months when we first met. It's really important to communicate well. No bullshit passive aggressive nonsense. Keep busy and assume the best.

I think you are blaming him for what is actually just a symptom of living apart. You miss him, you want to talk to him. Just tell him you get sad if you expect a call and don't get one.

OP I am actually in the same position. My boyfriend and I are long distance and we only see other for two weeks every 6-8 weeks. He can be exactly the same way with not communicating as much I would like. But I think that MrsTerry makes an excellent point that the frustration is a symptom of living apart - because we are apart I want to be constantly reminded that I am important to him and that he thinks of me which is why I get upset if he isn't calling or texting when I want him too. But I realised that we just have different communication styles and he isn't someone who wants to feel like he has to checkin (and actually neither do I), it also isn't attractive being the needy girlfriend who is always texting or getting mad because he isn't calling. I think the best way to deal with this is to assume that everything is great in your relationship (because it seems like it is) and that you need to live your own life too so keep yourself busy and do fun and interesting things.

I would ask yourself what about him not calling makes you insecure or scared about your relationship?

I think you are all right I think I just miss him a lot and it upsets me sometimes! But he is a great guy and I know he doesn't ignore me, I just feel ignored sometimes! I just need to get things in perspective at time