AIBU to give up after this cheating bastard?

[ConfusedRabbit]

Ok, the title is probably OTT. What I really want to know is - after someone has looked you in the eye and lied to you (and convinced you!) and cheated on you for a year, how do you find the trust to start again with someone else? It's been a year since we broke up and I still can't see how I could be relaxed and confident in a new relationship. Mostly I just can't believe I was so bloody gullible, and I'm worried I could easily get suckered again. I don't want to be cynical and bitter, but I don't know how to go back to being trusting after this.

However, I know there are many people who move on from much worse cheats and have successful, happy relationships. I've seen a few such people on here. So...AIBU to ask how you do it?

Please help, I don't want to be Miss Havisham

It took me 4 years to get to the point where I might be able to trust someone. Fortunately I met someone who gets it and understands why I find it tricky. I do trust this new person, but every so often I have a wobble and they prop me back up and remind me they are not the same.
Don't rush you need time to heal.

Thanks for replying It's good to hear you've come through the aftermath and found a good 'un. Hopefuly I'll get there too at some point.

Make sure you don't blame yourself op or feel you should change.

Cheats are very plausible.

There are nice guys out there too

It's very hard but time is a great healer, I know it sounds cliche but it's true. Im glad I fell for a cheating bastard before DH as I'm now so appreciative of how nice DH is and i would never take him for granted which I think I might have done if I hadn't experienced the other side of how relationships can be.

What I mean is o used to like bad boys and would have thought DH was 'too nice' but now I know firsthand there's NOTHING excitingly about bad boys, they are just immature and selfish. Lesson learnt

It's easy to blame myself GreenGoddess but I'm trying.

Maz, that's a nice way to think about it. Hopefully I'll appreciate a good man all the more when he comes along.

Thank you both