To insist DP coughs up?

[supersop60]

DP and DS had a confrontation a couple of days ago. DP tried to get DS to put more detail into a piece of homework, and DS didn't want to, tried to explain why, and DP just talked over him. He does this a LOT, and DS lost his temper - 'why don't you listen to me, why don't you let me finish my sentence?' etc
DP lost HIS temper then and smashed DS's tablet down and broke it - the screen is smashed and it's unusable.
DP has just said - why should I order him a new one - it's just rewarding him for his bad behaviour.
I said - you smashed it in temper - you have to replace it.
DP now muttering about getting the other one repaired instead.
DP seems to think it wasn't his fault, and that DS 'made' him do it.
I am totally

I'd make him leave. No child should be forced to live like this.

Yes, he's the dad.

Your son has two alternatives, then. He can either cower away and feel vulnerable and scared of his dad, or he can try to be tougher than his dad and lash out at him. And you will see this happen if you do nothing now.

I agree with PP - your DH is a total knobber and I wouldn't want him in my home.

However, you didn't really ask us that I would definitely expect DH to replace the item he broke because of his uncontrollable temper.

How much do you usually spend on him at Christmas? If he refuses I would buy him fuck all I probably wouldn't buy him a present anyway as he's a wanker and use the money saved to buy DS a new tablet now.

I'd make him leave. No child should be forced to live like this

^^ I think asking him to leave is a bit extreme and would cause more issues.

OP how is your relationship other than him loosing his temper?

If he wasn't dad I'd have said out on his arse for good. As he is slightly harder.
He'd be staying on someone's sofa and seeking help for his anger if he were my DH and be sucking up to his son for the rest of his life. Another show of anger would then be an absolute deal breaker. Nasty fucker

I feel really sorry for your ds - not a great role model, is he?

My ex dp smashed the tablet I had bought him in temper during an argument. It's a classic example of abusive behaviour. Most adults can control themselves-as other's have said you have plenty of challenging teenage years ahead.
I work with young people and they can be exasperating at times-imagine if I just decided to smash their stuff? Adults have to act like adults partly because you are meant to show them how to act.
What is your son learning from this dad? That if you get annoyed you smash stuff.
Serious thinking time.

I would be very concerned about such a display of anger. Smashing his belongings in a fit of temper is quite worrying.

Your DP probably knows what he did was wrong but is on the defensive in order to justify his behaviour rather than admit he behaved inappropriately.

Is your DP actually willing to sit down and discuss this properly? Can he not see it from your's and DS's point of view? If not then I think this is a serious problem.

Of course he should pay! "He made me do it" is a childish argument and I wouldnt accept it from a child. From an adult it's ridiculous.

DS didn't lose his temper. DH did.

If it was me I'd be ashamed that a 13 year old had better self control than me, would be grovelling and offering to replace not waiting to be asked.

Anyone can have a momentary lapse but it's his attitude afterward that's more telling

Oh dear. If he had a disagreement with his boss would he smash his boss' laptop? No. But because his son is younger and smaller, he thinks this is okay. He definitely needs to pay for it and he needs to apologise profusely. If anything like that happens again I would say he needs to move out.

YANBU. I'd be furious at this and the "he made me do it" what is he, 5 ffs!

I know exactly how you mean though, my DH has a tendancy not to listen to the DCs then they end up shouting their point to him and he shouts back at them. I step in and tell him if he listened to what they were saying they wouldn't shout at him. It never gets violent like that though but is still hugely infuriating.

A new tablet bought from family funds and anger management counselling for your abusive husband before he takes that temper out on a person.

DP broke the tablet, so DP replaces it. With a brand new one. Simple. If he doesn't then the only message he is giving to DS is that it is OK to disrespect and smash up other people's stuff.

DS did not "make" him do it. DS was not holding a gun to DP's head and saying "break my tablet for me" was he? Of course not.

Unacceptable behaviour by DP, and I would be telling him so in no uncertain terms.

Why the fuck is he trying to micro-manage the homework of a 13 year old anyway? I stopped that after mine had left primary school, and I didn't really do it then either as they weren't set very much.

Thing is, when things have been repaired they're never quite as nice as they were before they were broken. So he should buy him a new one. And apologise, sincerely.

First, he needs to apologise; second, he needs to replace the tablet; third, he needs to go to anger management treatment.

DP seems to think it wasn't his fault, and that DS 'made' him do it.

See other thread running about DPs who never take responsibility for their actions and blam things on their wives/children...

I'd feel really worried that the DH does not even feel guilt or remorse.

He sounds like a bully of a dad

A "do as I say because I say so" attitude + violence , just how sad and awful

Sounds like the type of man that thinks giving your partner / child a good slap , if they 'make' him do it