Is my new friend jealous of me. She's queen of the backhanded compliment

[Mulledcider]

We were good friends until age 20 when she got married and I never heard from her again until she was lonely and bored. I knew she was probably just using me but I have her one chance.

Since coming back to the UK she has put on around 4 stone and is now quite a big girl, I'm a size 12 and tall so while I'm not slim, im certainly not fat. Yet she embarrasses herself constantly by making comments that she used to be my size before he lost weight and how she would give me her old clothes but they will be too small for me. She seems to want me to think I am fatter than her when I am clearly not.

She comes from a well off family but is on benefits herself. I have a masters degree and that is something that makes her very jealous as she constantly says she will be doing the same and has a place Line up she just needs to call the uni and start (i just don't believe her).

I have introduced her to my friends and after only one meeting she was adding them on facebook and liking all their posts so they got a bit freaked out and removed her on there. She has absolutely hated them ever since and does nothing but bitch about them and try and turn them against me. They have done nothing wrong. If I'd met someone only once and they were Liking all my stuff I wouldn't do the same as them.

I have a best friend and he is lovely. I would never bitch about him and you can tell she hates how much he cares for me, she has no friends herself so seems desperate for one but loses everyone as why tire of her.

She keeps trying to force a friendship between my best friend and her, inviting him for tea at hers with his boyfriend. His partner has said he doesn't like her and just can't stand being around her because she bitches about me so much when I'm not there. He has never ever said anything like that in the 10
Years that I've known him.

She will sometimes put down the clothes I wear, the area I live etc.
I would never ever do that to anyone.

When I'm told my strangers or
Friends that I look
Lovely or I'm pretty she will say 'maybe In an unusual way'.
Also, my ex messaged her on facebook to ask if he could pick up my
Son from hers'. I actually hasn't been at hers but she text saying oh your ex text me saying hi. I think she was trying to make me angry.

Do you think she's jealous? She's certainly
Lacking in self esteem. I'm thinking of just ending this friendship. It's a shame as we actually have a lot of interests in common. Essentially though, I feel that she doesn't like me. Wants me to feel less confident and is just using me for company.

But then at the same time she would probably be someone who would help you out in a crisis, is generous to my Son when he visits and plays with him, never asks for money or gifts and is always willing to Visit me eventhough I live fairly
Out of the way.

She has openly joked that if she got a boyfriend I would 'never see her'. So maybe she's someone who goes all out until she has a boyfriend.

Aibu to say she's jealous and probably
Someone I shouldn't be around?

Halfway through reading your post I wondered why on earth you would be friends with someone like this??

I had a friend like this, incredible narcissist. I met her once through a group of friends and she added me on FB, asking to meet up etc. Within 2 weeks she gave me a sob story of how all her bridesmaids had been awful towards her and asked if I would be her bridesmaid! It felt so awkward but I stupidly felt sorry for her so said yes.

She was on benefits with zero qualifications yet undermined me constantly as I wasn't a parent. This continues when I had DD until another friend pointed out how difficult my career was etc. So she started on my husband, we would be on nights out and she would point out horrible looking blokes and say "he looks like a carpenter" (DH being a carpenter). She would mock her dp's (undoubtedly non-existent) friends opinions because "they're only carpenters and everyone knows carpenters are thick as shit, all whilst laughing.

Her wedding was a small, 25 person affair and talking to the other guests they were all as shocked as I was about being involved as they barely knew her.

I longed to end the friendship but stupidly felt I couldn't as she would have no one else. However, I drew the line when I was telling another friend about DD's nursery (Montessori) and she piped up saying that not all kids could be as gifted as hers, and it was perfectly fine for below-average kids like mine to go to a "crap" school. She was 2 ffs!

I wish I ended the "friendship" a lot sooner, was such a waste of my time and I'm still angry about the way I let her treat me.

Thanks for the replies. I won't be responding to her communication anymore. She must know sooner or later I wouldn't get fed up anyway.

I just felt bad that's all.

But I know I don't owe her anything.

She also brought me round a load of her old clothes when she lost weight. I was a size 10 and they were a size 16 😒

I don't hate her. I think she's troubled and has low self esteem issues but I don't hate her.

I also feel bad as she will be very lonely and have no
One else. She has absolutely no
Other friends.but then I am not
Responsible for her company

I just felt bad that's all.

Drquinzel that's like the same person!!! 😂

Mulled I don't know if I'm more worried that it is the same person or more worried that there's 2 of them!

She is very insecure and is jealous and competitive with you. It will not end well. I wouldn't count on her being there for you in a crisis and I think as soon as she gets a bf or other friends, you will be ditched. Listen to your intuition and start distancing yourself.

that is a really sad story OP. It's like you catch occasional glimpses of the person she could have been/wants to be but she keeps screwing it up.

If you are ever able to say something honest - a home truth - it sounds as though she is capable of learning something from it, indeed she is almost desperate to do so :(

When I was 21 a "friend" said to me "jealousy is an ugly emotion eye". It was humiliating and dreadful at the time but over the years I have not forgotten it and learned to recognise situations where my "wit" was actually just negative stuff (envy) spilling out. It was exactly for the reasons you say - I wanted someone else's life and it was a habit I'd learnt from my very unhappy/fantasist mother.

Tell you have moved on from the person you were at the age of 20, and you are no longer interested in maintaining a friendship with her. I wouldn't cite her weight issues, lack of job, childcare arrangements and so on, because that's all irrelevant. I find it odd that all your friends decided to delete her on Facebook all at the same time though, what on earth was that all about?

She sounds lost and unhappy and I hope she has someone in her life who will see through all the bullshit and bluster and be a proper friend she can rely on.

I'm with BuggerOff to an extent on this one.

From what you've said, this woman isn't a nice person.
But OP, you've just written a comprehensive list on all of this woman's failings, repeatedly stated that she's jealous of you and how you are much better than her. Then said you're friends with her because you're such a nice person.

The undertone of your post isn't very genuine, she may well be awful - I'm not disputing that - but you have a lot of positive things to say about yourself within that, albeit subtley.

Anyway, you clearly despise her and are more than aware of her flaws - so stop being friends with her. I'm not sure why you needed to air it all online.

It's time to let this 'friendship' go, it's making you miserable

I agree that she is toxic and probably has a wagonload of mental health problems. If you don't want to cut her out of your life, you are probably doing it for reasons of pity and guilt and a desire to help. What about having the whole thing out with her and explaining that if she wants to continue as before, your friendship is over? She does it partly as she gets away with it constantly. I have a similar 'friend' who is a malevolent nightmare but as she has no-one else, I have stuck with it and bite my lip on some of the occasions when she is being vile. Some of it she can't help as she has had a serious illness that left her with a degenerative mental health condition and its not going to improve. I keep with it out of guilt and concern rather than out of true friendship, so I do understand your dilemma. It is really difficult sometimes!!