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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to feel sad for staying Christmas, Boxing Day and New year with

58 replies

btfly2 · 22/11/2016 22:04

Dh and our kids only...? No plans, no extended family nearby, no other people's invitations? It makes me feel rubbish, sorry...

OP posts:
Wolpertinger · 22/11/2016 22:52

YABU - that's a normal Christmas to many people. I only ever had Christmas with my mum and dad growing up, DH the same (with added siblings). Never occurred to me til Mumsnet that there was all this travelling about and usually passive-aggressive angst going on.

Now it's just me and DH and fabulously Christmassy. We will see the rest of the family but due to my work can never do it over the precise days of Christmas - doesn't bother us, it just makes Christmas longer which is excellent Smile

BlackeyedSusan · 22/11/2016 22:54

Yanbu to feel that way if that is what you like. I prefer it that way but we are all different. People saying that trying to be grateful for what you have got though is a good idea, not that it is easy of course.

holidaysaregreat · 22/11/2016 22:54

I am with you OP. This is us. I am very happy with my own little family & yes I realize that compared to many more unfortunates we have it good. But we have tried inviting people & get blanket silence. Tried asking November time what people are up to. Again blanket silence. We have lovely in laws who live nearby who always go to SIL and my parents host my DB.
This has changed slightly now as we lost my Dad last year & so we are starting to get a little look in. Otherwise none of our siblings want to see us even on boxing day or New Year.
We are nice people honestly & have plenty of mates we can hang out with. But the incessant question from everyone 'what are you doing for Christmas' gets a bit boring.
could yours is more of a stealth boast - like you have sooo many people who want to see you it is tiresome.

Italiangreyhound · 22/11/2016 22:54

OhBliss Re "I'm going to be on my own" I am sorry about that. I do know some people who are sometimes alone at Christmas, one friend spends every other year without her son. He goes to his dad's house every other year. So she chose to have a special Christmas indulgent just for her. She bought lovely smellies, chocolates etc and just had a really relaxing and quiet time at home.

Others might choose to find somewhere to go with others, to help, for example servicing food to homeless people on Christmas day.

www.themix.org.uk/work-and-study/volunteering/volunteering-at-christmas-2063.html

There will be opportunities to do things in your area. But it may be you are OK on your own but would rather be with family or friends. I think everyone is different. But I do think that there are choices out there.

Italiangreyhound · 22/11/2016 22:56

serving not servicing!

btfly2 we have a lot of little traditions. We make a gingerbread house or make chestnut stuffing or pirate cakes before Christmas. On Christmas even we go to the local crib service at our (C of E) church, we sprinkle reindeer food (glitter and porridge oats) on the grass after dark and we leave out the mince pie or chocolate and drink fro Santa (milk) and carrot for Rudolph.

PedantPending · 22/11/2016 22:56

This year I will be on my own at Christmas. I do not mind at all.

BurningBridges · 22/11/2016 23:11

Most of my family have died, we used to spend some time over Christmas with my best friend then she died too. The kids used to say to me "Mummy why is there no one else here?" when we sat down to dinner. So I am sad that all those people have gone; but even more grateful for those that are in the room with me - precious time. I do find Christmas depressing but also know how lucky I am to sit down with my two DDs.

NicknameUsed · 22/11/2016 23:12

"Dh and our kids only...? No plans, no extended family nearby, no other people's invitations? It makes me feel rubbish, sorry..."

That sounds pretty much like ours as well. We can't stay with MIL as she has alzheimers and can't cope with having a house full. The pub we usually stay at when we visit doesn't take paying guests over the Christmas period.

We can't stay with my sister as she doesn't have room and has pets that DD is allergic to. They can't come to us because of said pets (and OH doesn't like my sister's family anyway)

We try to see friends over the Christmas period and I do ask my friend over for Christmas lunch, but she gets loads of invitations.

angelofmylifetime · 22/11/2016 23:17

The same for me too, OP. Had numerous family members in the past but all have now passed away. I understand.

BackforGood · 22/11/2016 23:19

Don't know if YABU or not as you've not really said why you are alone if it makes you sad. Is this a change from previous years? Have you had a falling out? Have you been bereaved ? Has it just worked out people you normally spend time with are all engaged elsewhere? Or is this what you always do? Have you invited anyone else round - for drinks if nothing more ?

Petal02 · 22/11/2016 23:19

OP - count your blessings.

TheCursedOne · 22/11/2016 23:27

I know how you feel OP and YANBU because how you feel is just as valid as those who would rather be in your position.

We will be on our own too. Years ago we used to have big, noisy Christmases with lots of people around and I miss them (not the people mind you, it was not a comfortable atmosphere-toxic family).

I have had to learn to have Christmases my way and have created my own little traditions. On Christmas Eve - making Christmas houses/cookies in the morning (hate gingerbread), trip to Garden Centre to choose a 'family' tree ornament after lunch, Christmas film, Christmas Eve buffet tea, walk in the dark to spread reindeer food, new PJs. On Christmas Day - posh pancake breakfast with fizz!, forest walk together while turkey cooking, etc, Mexican dominoes in the evening which is quite easy for all DC to play. I hope they become special memories to my DC and they won't focus on the lack of people around. Have to wait for them to have their own families, looking forward to having a houseful then!

ladyjadey · 22/11/2016 23:33

You can all come to my house! I love Christmas and lots of people and this year will be very quiet for us

Original poster
btfly2 · 22/11/2016 23:34

Wow I feel better after reading your messages.
Yes I invited people but they are already dealing with their own commitments and gatherings.
Yes I love my dh and children but I miss my parents too (several thousand miles away) and would love them here to share with their grandchildren. I have to say watching the tv adverts makes me feel worse...silly silly silly me. Thanks for your answers.

OP posts:
Xmasfairy86 · 22/11/2016 23:38

Just enjoy it. Be thankful you have family to spend it with. Like many said, it's a lot of people's ideal xmas.

Greengoddess12 · 22/11/2016 23:39

You lucky cow!

That is all

HappyCamel · 22/11/2016 23:42

Can you skype or FaceTime distant family. We aren't in the UK anymore but extended video calls have really helped with the homesickness and GP love to see kids opening presents etc.

Ankleswingers · 22/11/2016 23:43

YABVVVU

BackforGood · 22/11/2016 23:45

Oh, right. In that case, yes, of course you can feel a bit sad you can't share with them, but at least you have a lot more contact these days than in days gone by - all kinds of social media to keep you in touch Smile

Plus, of course, there are downsides to being surrounded by loads of family members at Christmas - it's painted in films, TV shows, and even adverts to be the wonderful experience that doesn't usually materialise quite like that in real life.

nonicknameseemsavailable · 22/11/2016 23:49

what a few others have said - I wish I could!

CreativeBee · 22/11/2016 23:49

We plan our Christmas like this every year, we love just spending time with our 2DC and hate the thought of being invited or having anyone invite themselves over (we've had this in the past, worst Christmas ever, couldn't relax and had to accommodate people's preferences of foods). I think for us, we love the drama free Christmas.

Lorelei76 · 22/11/2016 23:53

Halfway house here
I spend it with immediate family which is tiny abd I'm glad there's no extended family
But my friends are with their families most of Xmas and I get bored. I wouldn't mind being home alone but it would upset the family. Always relieved when Xmas is over and often get that impression from friends.

NicknameUsed · 22/11/2016 23:56

"Yes I invited people but they are already dealing with their own commitments and gatherings."

This is what always happens with us, especially at New Year.

nokidshere · 22/11/2016 23:57

Despite having a huge family we always spend Christmas alone (me, she and two teens) and have done for the past 18 years. I do sometimes feel slightly envious of them being together and having a large Christmas, but it's a fleeting feeling and I made the decision 18 yrs ago that we would always be in our own home for Christmas.

It's the only day of the year when its just the 4 of us with no interruptions and we love it.

Lorelei76 · 22/11/2016 23:59

Sorry op I just realised you mean New Year as well...all the way through? I will have friends back by 28th, we will go out on New Year. Sorry I misunderstood the first time.

That does sound a bit full on for just family.