To be upset at being described as "timid"

[hyperhypermum]

DSIS was at a party and got chatting to a woman she established had a DC in the same year at school as my DC. I know this woman very vaguely, having spoken to her briefly probably no more than 2 or 3 times in all the years we've been there. No reason for this, we just have different friends at the school gates and our DCs are not friends particularly. On the (now rare) ocassions I see her, I will smile and say hi, as will she.

DSIS said the woman said "Oh I know your sister - quite timid". My sister said she laughed and said "Well, I guess she is, compared to me!" DSIS is particularly extrovert and oozes confidence wherever she goes, so fair comment in her case!

Now, I'm not the most confident person in the world. At school I was always described as "quiet & shy" and have always been softly spoken. However, over the years, I have worked hard to try and overcome this. Yes, I can still be shy with certain people before I get to know them but would like to think that I, at least, don't come across across as a complete mouse and appear reasonably confident in most situations.

If she'd said "quiet" or "reserved", then fine. But "timid" conjures up an image of a pathetic, mouselike creature, like Mavis from Corra!

I'm really upset that I might come across like this to people who hardly know me, especially as I'm now too old to change 😢

I would add that this woman does come across as very loud & brash and I realise this makes me judgemental too. However, she does have a very loud voice and dresses flambuoyantly so not a totally unreasonable perception on my part.

ALIBI to be hurt & upset?

Timid doesn't mean shy or quiet. It definitely means scared of things people aren't usually scared of.
She's a bit odd to use any of those words to describe someone she doesn't even know though.
You could be the life and soul of the party; she wouldn't know because you have no occasion to speak to each other
She sounds thick.

The dictionary definition of timid is; "Showing a lack of courage or confidence; easily frightened."

I think I'd try really hard not to let this get to me. You don't like her anyway! I don't think you needed to teach yourself not to be shy, either. There's nothing wrong with shy people; at all.

I think the problem is more to do with your perception of the word 'timid' being perhaps at odds with the other person's perception, OP. I really wouldn't worry about it. If she'd wanted to insult you she would have picked something better than 'timid', I'm sure.

I think you're overeacting, why do you care? You barely know her, you're not friends, you don't work with her, your kids aren't friends. She made a passing comment to your sister - I can't imagine how or why you would bring it up with her. Its a bit my sister said that you said .......... If I was going to be annoyed by anyone in this it would be my sister - why would you pass that on?

I agree; you'd have to wonder what your sister hoped to gain by reporting that back...

Tell her that you're not timid, you're quiet and mysterious.

agree it could very well be a vocabulary issue. There are so many words that are slightly misused, or have evolved to become different to their original meaning - look how many people use mortified thinking it means horrified rather than embarrassed.

She could very well have thought she was describing you as quiet or reserved. Even if she did mean 'timid' in the way you understand it, she's obviously not someone who knows you well, so who cares if she has an incorrect opinion of you?

Thanks all. I do appreciate it may have just been a vocabulary malfunction on her part but it still hurts as I thought I'd overcome my shyness to at least some extent 😟

That makes more sense. That what upsets you is how much it has stung because you thought you'd got over your own issues. I agree with wiggles that it's really not worth caring about. The fact that you do says more about your sensitivity than whatever this woman's particular definition of timid might be. It's really not a big deal that a random woman misinterpreted your behaviour as being timid. Who cares what she thinks? But if you're the kind of person who can't help caring about that stuff then your sister really should have been more sensitive and not passed it on.

I think part of confidence is believing in your own opinion of yourself and not needing it reaffirmed by other people who don't even know you.
You are not timid in your own estimation so why should you give a fuck that she is mistaken?

You don't need to over come your shyness you wouldn't be the person you are if you try and push yourself and you would be miserable imo try and let what she said go she doesn't even know you

I agree; you'd have to wonder what your sister hoped to gain by reporting that back...

I think she thought it was amusing and thought (wrongly) that I would be amused too. She clearly wasn't too impressed by the woman, describing her as "a chav" and told the story doing a mickey take of her voice, e.g. "I see your sister daaaaaan the school".

Funnily enough, she did cross my path yesterday and appeared to try to catch my eye. I chose to pretend I hadn't seen her as didn't want to say anything in front of DC's friend's mum, who I was walking with. Had I been alone though, I did (and still do) feel riled enough to say something...

Most of us describe people in a way that's relative to ourselves.

So if someone you consider 'brash' describes you as 'timid' thats only because you're quieter and more considered than her.

I wouldn't worry. Someone quieter may describe you completely differently.

Ultimately it doesn't matter as long as you're happy with yourself and your nearest and dearest accept and appreciate you as you are.

I agree, it's all about interpretation of the word timid. And as you can see, people have different opinions about it.

This woman doesn't know you and by extension can't really know if you are just a quiet type of person or a timid one. Both of which mean different things. Timid suggests not so much lacking in confidence but easily frightened, scared and gutless and as she doesn't have the first clue about you, is in no position to say. She prob thinks timid and just a bit shy and quiet mean the same thing. So although YANBU to take offence at her choice of words, I'd not given them any more attention.

Timid is a negative way of describing a person perceived to be more reserved than the person labeling them.

I understand you being pissed off. It's the same as you describing her as 'brash' rather than 'vibrant' or 'expressive'.

We all understand the distinctions between words. 'Timid' is a dis. I would be cold with her too!

And if she does mention meeting your sister, if I were you I would say, "Yes, she said. And neither of us were impressed with how you described me".

I was once described as timid after a job interview.

Funny this is I had two other interviews that week - I wore the same suit and was groomed well each time and used the same answers - one interviewer said I came across as quietly confident and calm and another said I seemed a bit over-confident!

I don't listen to opinions on my personality now.

Hi, I came here because I was upset when someone said to me - I'm quite surprised you do (something quite brave) because you're timid. I thought it sounded quite insulting, and I responded to the person that it was a conflicting compliment. Yes I have always been shy from a young age, and somewhat introverted, but I hate the thought of seeming drippy or cowardly/cowering with people.
By the way, I'm not a mum - is it okay to comment on here? :)