To report an on-line person to SS?

[Godstopper]

I am a member of a health group on FB. The group is for a physical condition that is benign in 99% of people but tends to cause anxiety.

I am thinking about reporting one member to social services, and feel vindictive, I will try to explain. Said member has a teenage daughter and:

• Admits that she spends all her time in her bedroom, to the extent of having a bucket in it to go to the loo as she is scared to move incase condition x begins.

• Only leaves to take daughter to/from school, and doesn't interact with her outside of these times.

• Makes offers to pay people from the group to spend time with her.

• Keeps repeatedly having numerous tests despite all of them coming back benign.

• Medical professionals have offered to refer her to a psychiatrist, but she won't, as apparently, they have "missed" something.

• Doesn't wash, clean, or do anything household related.

I have genuine concern for her, and her daughter. I do not like taking on-line things off-line, but I've never seen anyone worried by this condition to this extent. Meanwhile, I've been told off for posting that her consultant was right, and people, quite frankly, are indulging her out of control hypochondria.

Can one help someone like this? I don't understand why the group would continue to encourage her to post the same thing over and over (as she has for a year) but discourage her from seeking actual help. I seem to be living in a parallel universe.

Would I be being vindictive? From my perspective, I see a child being neglected owing to major mental health issues which can be improved to some degree.

I don't think it is a matter for the NSPCC. Her DD isn't being abused.

Hate to 'armchair diagnose but sounds like a personality disorder

Personality disorders are extremely complex and widely misunderstood. I've worked in mental health most of my adult life and to be honest, there is nothing in OP's posts that I could confidently say is evidence of a personality disorder. All we really know, from the very limited information available, is that this woman is distressed. Anything else is pure speculation. The issue at hand is whether her level of distress is impacting on her DC and the information OP has suggests this is likely.

OP I second previous posters suggestions to contact the NSPCC. They are very helpful in my experience and will know what needs to be done.

You're not in a position to judge whether she's being abusive to the daughter or not. You're not claiming that she is but you're raising concerns about her behaviour which if true amounts to a potential neglect. Sounds like a Munchausens type situation to me ( not a medical expert) which is a psychiatric / psychological disorder. SS may be involved already but it's important that you don't assume someone else has already done it.

No. The most I can infer is that if what she posts is true, then her daughter is being neglected. But I think it's at the level where she needs community support rather than someone barging in there and removing said daughter (she says she's fearful this will happen).

Flying, that's precisely why I've held off for a while. A quick Google reveals she appears to be who she says she is, though.

WouldHave - Her partner apparently went on holiday with them last week. Before this, he's also (apparently) been threatening to leave her as the situation has become untenable (so I assume the daughter would be reporting things). There are numerous posts about him being "fed up with it", "Not understanding", and "Planning to leave." Obviously, I don't know what's true.

Is it a cardiac arrhythmia per chance?

How odd that she wanted someone from the FB group to travel with them if her husband was going. Were they supposed to reveal themselves and push him to one side if X suddenly struck and give her instant treatment (if that's even possible)?

Yorksha I also work in mental health and have for some time. And I think there's evidence of a personality disorder. I qualified that with saying that armchair diagnosis is not advisable. It was implied.

Albadross, yup, and not even classified as an arrhythmia, strictly speaking. I'm having a 24 hr monitor in two weeks to quantify the amount I'm getting, and no medical person has yet expressed any concern beyond explaining it is, despite how things feel, normal.

I know WouldHave.

Apparently x kept striking whilst she was strolling about (within the vicinity of a hospital), and her partner went out and about on his own.

I have found a public post (on an unrelated message board) that may help the NSPCC gauge the scale of the problem: it describes being too afraid to go to the door that her postman "has to throw mail through my bedroom window", being an "anorexic shaking mess", and "written a funeral plan." So nothing significantly different from what keeps popping up on the FB group.

Just to update: I have filled in the on-line form (I was able to quickly find her children's names) with all known details. I do not know her address, but it is a small village, and I was able to provide her name. I also provided a link to a post that is publicly accessible.

I do feel that I've done the right thing: if someone checks on her and there is nothing amiss, then no harm has been done; but if what she has been posting is true, then hopefully, she can begin to obtain some much needed help.

I think you've done the right thing, with the information that you had.

It sounds like she is ill, if things are really as she's reporting. I'd expect alot of exaggeration though with the group responding as it is.

I'm very ill with a rare disease and happened on a very odd post last night on a Facebook group for the illness I have. It was an incoherent panicked post by someone desperate for her symptoms to be recognized as this condition. And a lot of 'but I have the same x, y and z things happening and so why am I turned away or told it's not true when you lot have this diagnosis'.

I was somewhat torn as I've spent years knowing in my heart of hearts that someone was very wrong about my body (& my family's). So although I never wrote a post like that, I might have done given the right circumstances. I recognize the fear.

And being met with cynicism or if I'd felt somehow rejected by this group, it would have been very upsetting. Maybe it would have made me or someone like me give up, stop trying to find answers. Stop believing in myself and my experiences of my own body.

Buuuuut... I don't recognize the way she described what she's living through. Nothing rang a chord with me. Which is weird, as usually you get the kinship vibe very quickly having exchanged a few basic details.

And I do think that if someone is very anxious and paranoid about their health, then jumping onto these types of groups would be so tempting. And yet, so damaging if she doesn't have what she thinks she has.

Latching onto a source of collective support and empathy might be very addictive to someone with certain kinds of mental health problems. And it's sad for them, and also not good for the other people in the group. In the group I'm talking about, people are living with horrendous circumstances every day. People die. Their families die. Their children die. It's fucking awful and these are people who don't need their kindness and support misused, they don't have enough to give to someone who's not actually in the same situation.

So... it's difficult. How do you know what's really happening behind the scenes? I didn't reply last night. I read others replies who were compassionate and sympathetic (& made me feel like a heel for being skeptical!). But in the main, that's as far as it went, so I guess others were also a bit mindful that too much encouragement might not be the right thing to do.

All you can do is try and do what you think is right.

And in your situation OP, I'd be contacting SS or similiar. And not telling her it was you.

I certainly agree that one must be compassionate. I also think that, if someone is displaying worrisome signs of being mentally unwell, then it is compassionate to point them towards psychological help. I was rounded on for that: "How do you know that Dr's haven't missed something?" they said, which I take to be feeding her anxiety.

I've a great deal more compassion for those in your group than someone who has started apparently neglecting their child because she has ectopic heartbeats (a perfectly normal non-life threatening occurrence in almost everyone with them).