Long story, will try and keep it shortish.
Work in a very male dominated industry, only woman in my office for most of my career. No issues until becoming pregnant with dc1 when I was made redundant at 6m pregnant (but that's another story).
Had a few years "out of industry" working part time after her birth and subsequent birth of dc2 but never felt fulfilled, career wise. Dc2 now 14months old, returned to work in my industry 6m ago working 4 days a week. Felt very lucky that I was able to swing the day off a week thing and very happy. Until last week when I received news out of the blue that I was at risk of redundancy - three jobs are going into two. Boss has made it clear that to be considered for one of the jobs I will have to go full time - times will be tough, workload will be heavy and he couldn't have a part timer filling the role. I understand this. So now I have to decide whether I want to go for it - he's made it clear he wants me to and that I am almost certain to get one of the jobs - or if I won't consider full time then I'll be the one to go.
My dcs are 3.5 and 14months old, the eldest starts school next September. I adore my job but I can't stomach the fact that I'll never be the mum at the school gates. That my dcs will be picked up by someone else, never have tea at home during the week, can never have their mates round for tea. I had a stay at home mum who was always waiting at the school gates, always had my friends round for tea, always had time spent on me and a mum who sacrificed her career to do that. Am I a bad mum if my dcs don't get that? I've been so happy the past few months, finally felt I was getting my career back on track, and that I still got a whole day with my precious dcs. And now it's all gone to shit. I don't know why that one day meant so much to me but it did - I thought that I'd at least be there one day a week, that we could fit fun after school things in at least one day a week, that I got the best of both worlds. But now that's not an option - what would you do? And if you're a full time working mum of young dcs then how do you do it while still making sure that you're around for them? Alternative part time job not an option - I was bloody lucky to get this job, it's not a massive industry and I'm with the industry leader with the most robust hr policies and flexible working options, alternatives are just not out there.
Aibu to be feeling so torn? Should I just get a grip and accept this is the way of the world now and not many dcs have mum waiting at the school gates every night he way mine did 30 years ago? Wwyd?