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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is a Reasonable Adjustment for disability?

116 replies

Batterypoweredmumra · 21/11/2016 18:37

cross posted in SN too for traffic.

DS has SPD and ASD. Clothes are a huge issue and things took a marked downward turn when he went up to juniors and had to wear a shirt and tie. He absolutely couldn't tolerate the collar, I tried all kinds of shirts and collars and his meltdowns were epic. Full on self harming, screaming fits, and if I did manage to get him in, then he'd refuse the tie and then rip the lot off at home time. He'd also only wear shorts, not trousers.

So our autism support lady pointed out that his best days are the days when he does swimming, as they're allowed to wear PE kit all day and suggested that he wear this every day instead of the usual uniform.

We trialled this for two weeks and he's like a different child! Mornings are infinitely easier, he's more relaxed at pickup and is generally happier all round.

And yet I've been told today that this isn't part of school policy and the head needs to get permission from the governors, and wants to discuss a phased return to uniform.

I'm really disappointed. Can they do this?

OP posts:
Original poster
Batterypoweredmumra · 21/11/2016 19:14

It's because it represents something different to The Policy. And all changes to The Policy must be agreed by the governors.

OP posts:
Misselthwaite · 21/11/2016 19:15

This isn't just about your son either. I can't imagine waking up every morning knowing a meltdown was guaranteed - what about your mental health and the health of your family?

Original poster
Batterypoweredmumra · 21/11/2016 19:16

A polo shirt is the infant uniform. He's year3. And we struggled like mad to get him in the polo shirt.

OP posts:
Fluffsnuts · 21/11/2016 19:16

They do need permission from the governors, but a reasonable adjustment should be made.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 21/11/2016 19:17

YANBU. The head should be 100% behind you on this. There is no reason why he cannot wear the PE kit. I understand there are rules about uniforms but your son's condition clearly means that reasonable adjustments need to be made to his uniform.

Why does the headteacher want to discuss a phased return to the school uniform if he is also going to get permission from the board of governors for the PE kit? That is only going to confuse matters and it's pointless if the governors agree, and I'm presuming they will do (because why on earth wouldn't they?)

I personally wouldn't entertain the idea of the phased return to the school uniform. Could you speak to your autism support person again about potentially writing a letter to the board of governprs, describing the improvements seen in your son since he has been wearing his PE kit, and the problems that would occur if he was made to wear the school uniform again?

5OBalesofHay · 21/11/2016 19:18

OFFS to the school! Why dont they just support you and your child. He can learn perfectly well in P.E. kit. Boils my piss this sort of intransigence. Nobody will be harmed by this excellent compromise. Stick to your guns op

Original poster
Batterypoweredmumra · 21/11/2016 19:18

Missekthwaite that's made me fill up. Yes. I wake up at 5 with a big knot knowing what's coming. And yet with the PE kit option, the tension in the house has dropped! He's calmer on the way in, chats to me on the way home. Its not perfect, he had a pink fit tiday over his swim shorts not being just right, but it's NOTHING compared to where we were.

OP posts:
DancingPenguin1 · 21/11/2016 19:19

Policies are written by the senior leadership team and given the nod by governors. The head can certainly make reasonable adjustments if he chooses to. I work in an ASD school and the sensory aspects in relation to clothing are very real and should be considered. The head should (and can if he chooses) agree to your suggestion. He's being difficult.

merrymouse · 21/11/2016 19:19

What are they going to do - refuse to educate him? Do they really want to fight that battle?

TinklyLittleLaugh · 21/11/2016 19:20

How mean and unChristian. They could be using it as a way to teach the kids about love and acceptance. Petty uniform rules seem to bring out the worst in people.

merrymouse · 21/11/2016 19:21

What are the governors going to do to the head? Get rid of him because he accommodates a disabled child? It sounds as though they haven't thought this through.

Original poster
Batterypoweredmumra · 21/11/2016 19:24

I don't know what could happen Merrymouse, or why on earth they even want to discuss it. And a phased return? His autism isn't a phase...

OP posts:
user1471446905 · 21/11/2016 19:24

Bollocks to the policy. Governors ratify policy but the policy isn't being changed a reasonable adjustment is being made, which should be covered in their equalities policy.

Governors should not be involved in day to day operational matters of the school, that is not their role.

olderthanyouthink · 21/11/2016 19:25

Also film a meltdown, it's useful to show to people who haven't seen him do it.

My brother started having them a few years ago and the videos of him losing it got us a lot of help.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 21/11/2016 19:27

Please don't film a melt down, if the school are not compleatly on board with you it will result in all manor of shit landing on your head and nobody need to have to deal with that.

It is something that can be written into a ECHP and is not at all unusual for it to be

missymayhemsmum · 21/11/2016 19:29

It is absolutely a reasonable adjustment to his disability. However the head is probably under pressure to be strict on uniform as people have this crazy idea that strict uniform = good school. And some other child is probably demanding to wear their PE kit all day too.

So what they need to do is for governors to agree an amendment to the uniform policy that allows discretion for children who have a medical/educational reason to wear an individually agreed variation on school uniform as part of inclusion for SEN. Give the Chair of Governors a call and suggest this.

Bogeyface · 21/11/2016 19:30

As you say, his autism isnt a phase anymore than someone who is a wheelchair isnt in a phase.

Ask if they would expect a wheelchair user to have a gradual return to walking. I think part of your problem is that some people still dont think that autism is a "thing", they think it is a phase or attention seeking or bad behaviour and see coping mechanisms as pandering :(

I would read up on disability discrimination law in case they do decide to be arseholes about this.

lola111 · 21/11/2016 19:31

The school wouldn't let my DD wear PE kit even with a leg in pot, so I don't like your chances !

merrymouse · 21/11/2016 19:31

It all sounds like lazy thinking. I imagine that wearing a tie is pretty low down the list of things that you would like him to be able to do.

Happily, he is unlikely to be in a situation where he needs to wear a tie in the next 10 years. It is more than likely that simply by growing older, at some point in the future he will be able to wear a tie - but attempting to force one on him now won't help. If he never wears a tie, it won't be because somebody at junior school didn't make him wear one. Plenty of children all over the world don't wear uniform.

notapizzaeater · 21/11/2016 19:32

That's crap of them, my son has just gone to a high school with a ASD unit on site - he hates anything round his neck so was dreading tie and shirt - 1st day he went in and they phined me up asking if it was his autism - they offered to let h wear it have way down his chest in lessons but on the collar in corridors, it lasted a day - he spoke to the head direct the next day and explained how he hated the feeling and he couldn't concentrate with it being round his neck do they've allowed him to wear it half way down his chest all day long. A simple concession but actually made all the difference.

Bogeyface · 21/11/2016 19:32

who is a wheelchair user....

BoffinMum · 21/11/2016 19:34

Of course it's a reasonable adjustment.

(I think it's a ridiculous situation to talk about 'phased returns' to shirt and tie for little kids anyway, FWIW).

You are in a good position to refuse, especially if you can get a consultant to write in agreement.

dataandspot · 21/11/2016 19:35

Well I would expect the governors to add to the uniform policy about reasonable adjustments for Sen children.

In my opinion this is a no brainier. Good luck op- I don't know about you but I often feel that it is not the child with Sen who causes the stress but other people who seem determined not to understand!

Owllady · 21/11/2016 19:36

I agree with bogeyface. I hope you are ok. Yanbu at all

LittlePaintBox · 21/11/2016 19:37

If DS is at an RC school because you are RC, have you spoken to the local priest? I'd imagine they have quite a lot of influence and are probably on the governors. Regulations have changed since I was a governor, but I think they still have to have an SEN governor, and you should be able to communicate directly with them as well. You are not kicking up a fuss but asking for what your child is legally entitled to, it is the school that's creating the fuss!

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