Aibu to just sit in a heap and cry because I don't know what people expect me to do about this.

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I have 6 children ,4 of them fine no problems at school but 2 who struggle for different reasons.

Ds has always struggled with the actual work . Until the end of year 4 we struggled along at school , he is generally ok but he just finds it extremely difficult to concentrate and he has terrible difficulty writing (I have attached a picture of his writing to show you what I mean).

The school gave him some extra help but once he got to a certain level (still well below what you would expect) this stopped after that he was pretty much left to get on and this caused major problems, panic attacks crying when asked to read etc.

By September this year things were so bad we took him out of school . We felt like we had tried our best in two different schools and he was at a point where it was more damaging for him to continue as he was than to leave.

He has been home educated since September and he has improved so much not his writing or his work but god he can look at a book now without having a panic attack he can listen to a story he will even read small passages.

Today a teacher came out to see us come the local authority and she was lovely but repeatedly kept saying that "a child like this needs to return to school as soon as possible". She basically told me that he should be aiming to return to the SEN group for year 7 but he has been in these groups before he was bullied , the behaviour of he other children was terrible and downright dangerous on occasion I see no advantage to this.

She also referred to my daughter who is 6. I know that she recently had a social and emotional assesment as she has struggled so much socially at school . She is way ahead in her schoolwork but socially she can't cope.

The teacher today said "so it looks like she's on the spectrum". Apparently the tests she has had have been to looks for autism. I mean she has them 2 months ago and no one ever contacted me back so I just thought It was all fine

Anyway I just feel so shit like wtf am I supposed to do about any of this.

I have one child who I am told might be able to get some key skills certificate if he goes back to
School rathet than stays home and one who I just have no idea what I am supposed to do.

I feel like just telling everyone to fuck off and leave hem alone - we are getting on fine and making progress. I feel like just keeping my 6 year old home with me and ds and just doing what each needs the best we can. I know that's not how it works but I wish it was.

Aibu to just go to bed and cry because I don't feel like there is anything I can do? Ds is really upset because he was of course he wipe all his was going on and I feel powerless to help either ds or dd.

She did however say at the end that she had no concerns and probably wouldn't see me for at least another year

Dry your tears and give yourself an enormous pat on the back as you've done exceptionally well as a home educator.

This teacher may be of the opinion that all dc should be in school, but she clearly recognises that your ds is doing very well out of the system.

As others have suggested, report your post and ask mumsnet to transfer this thread to the Home Ed board and do give consideration to removing your 6yo dd from school and educating her at home too.

Don't do what needsasock suggests (sorry needs a sock).

Don't get into a lengthy argument. You can't win and you don't need to win. If you ever did need to win (if there was a School Attendance Order) you would have a lawyer for that.

Don't get a name for being 'aggressive' as it can easily be used against you. (You have to be painstakingly polite to avoid this!).

The way the system works at the moment, all you have to do is give them something to show an education is happening. Something vague like a philosophy of education that they can't criticise because there's nothing concrete there.

Remember their hands are tied. It is a little more complicated for a child with additional needs but you would be better finding a facebook home ed group for advice on that - preferably one in your area because they'll know the ins and outs of what the woman you're dealing with wants to see.

I have no idea why I said needs a sock instead of needsasock :)

No advice as I have no expertise in this area, but just wanted to say that firstly it sounds like your DS is making progress and developing confidence at home at the moment, don't forget that is great and you can feel good about that Secondly in higher education some students on degree courses use pcs for all writing, including exams because they have learning support needs that make their handwriting indecipherable, so he is not alone. Even many NT primary age children get frustrated with the time it takes to get ideas down in handwritten work, so my feeling is that over-focus on handwriting may perhaps hold many children back from accessing actual education IYSWIM? Hope you get some answers and the support you need

And remember she would like you to see her as an inspector but she's only pretending to be an inspector!

Teachers are not qualified to diagnose ASD conditions. It's hard enough for a psychiatrist, quite frankly.

I think you need to insist on an Educational Psychiatrist appointment for both children, to be provided by the Local Authority, with a view to getting an Education, Health and Care plan, from the sound of it.

You can still HE them if this happens.

Thanks boffin - she told me today that the only au of getting any kind of diagnoses for either was if they were at school

I homeschooled for a while OP and 1 of our DS is autistic and is registered disabled.

With your son has anyone mentioned dyslexia to you?One of my nephews is dyslexic and he used to get so upset bless him if he had to read,he'd run away,hide under a table,scream what ever it took so he didn't have to read.

They did some tests and discovered the dyslexia and he started getting proper help and it made a huge difference to him and his experience of school.

Like a PP mentioned look at what is available in your area,there are so many types of school and education now,it doesn't have to be all or nothing.

I'd question why the hell you weren't informed about austim that really is bad form from them!

If you want to carry on homeschooling have a look online there are clubs you can join,some of them meet up for days out and to offer support to one another.

Have a look online as well for your local Family information service they can usually tell you more about local homeschooling groups.

I don't think my dd has had any actual test apart from a really basic questionnaire - I don't think anyone can say she is autistic at the moment. I think she was just guessing. The assessment she had was literally to see if she needed further assessment that's all I think!

Here's something about EHC Assessment, OP. This charity is terrific. They helped us so much when we had two kids going through it at the same time.

www.ipsea.org.uk/what-you-need-to-know/ehc-needs-assessments/what-happens-during-an-ehc-needs-assessment

Hi rain Just an aside, my DS struggles with handwriting (now Yr5) and I notice in your first pic it looks like he's attempting joined up writing. DS's teacher told me that (my DS) should concentrate on individual letter forms and leave joined up writing for the time being. That helped a lot. It's still a bit "spidery" but better.

Can I reinforce the suggestion that you get a dyslexia/dypraxia assessment preferrably with an Ed Psych? . I think you can access this through the LEA even if he is HE, don't rely on what the teacher said. My son was diagnosed with dyslexia with some dyspraxia trait when he was 17. Like your son his verbal work was good- just look at that story your DS dictated- but his handwriting was not good at your son's age ( it improved) but the act of writing was slow and laboured.
Agree with the others, autism need specialist multi-disciplinary input, a teacher tried to tell me my son was autistic because he got cross if he got behind in class due to slow writing. Completely missed the dyslexia.
You are entitled to want to sob your heart out, I did many times, but please don't wait as long as I did before getting some help.

I educated ds2 from end of Year 7 - he has diagnosis of ASD, and now dyspraxia and dyslexia. There is no legal barrier to educating a child with SEN at home, unless they are already in a special school with an EHCP (which ds wasn't) Children with EHCPs can still be educated at home and you are under no obligation to give any written evidence about their education at home - the EHE officer in our borough just listened to my list of what we had been doing and where we had been going to socialise (she knew the groups we attended - they were large social groups which met regularily) I mentioned work with phonics and handwriting using specific books (Speed Up and Write from Start) and some reading texts (ie Moby Dick version) It was enough to sound interested and engaged, at least in our borough. She never even met ds. It was fine.

Teachers will always say a child is better off in school - it is like asking a butcher whether they approve of vegetarianism.

Enjoy home educating. Ds is back in school now, aged 14/15 for his GSCES, (with an EHCP) but I truly believe in a parallel world he would have been equally happy doing GSCEs at home, but we were pushing for a certain school and the EHCP to get in, so became slightly sidetracked. Home ed was wonderful, ds is a changed boy. All teacher comment on how polite and engaged he is in lessons (unlike the kids who have been there for last four years

What complete rubbish about needing to be in school to be diagnosed.

Ds had both his dyslexia and his dyspraxia diagnosed OUTSIDE school, as did Ds1 with dyspraxia, school did not organise it, or press for assessment or ultimately diagnosis, I DID IT ALL...

Thanks everyone I have spoken to dh and SIL about it now and I feel a lot better from that and the lovely replies on this thread. The plan is ignore ignore ignore and keep doing what we are doing because before today everyone was happy

Hi

It sounds like you are doing really well for both your children. You should be so proud of yourself. The fact that the education officer does not have to visit you for another year shows that you are doing everything right.

The teacher has not given you the best advice r.e diagnosis. If your daughter has ASD the proper diagnosis route is through your GP and to see a paediatrician not thorough school. This could also be the best route for your son if he has dyspraxia as posters have suggested.

Many children with SEN are homeschooled and have access to appropriate diagnosis and support that is what the NHS is for.

Your son sound like he is very creative and hopefully he will be able to build his self esteem in the supportive environment you have made for him.

There are lots of groups for home ed and SEN. There is a lot of support out there.

I'm an EHE advisor for a local authority and if she said she had no concerns and would contact you again in 12 months, then there are no concerns and she feels you're meeting their needs. That is fantastic. Hopefully from what you told her, she recognised that your DS is much happier and making progress at home.

You don't have to meet with her again if you don't want to. She certainly sounds like she gave you duff advice/overstepped the mark! You can self-refer to your LA SEN team for an EHCP assessment if you want to go that way (and continue to Home Ed) although there is no funding allocated if you continue to Home Ed with an EHCP unfortunately. It is much harder to access services like Ed Psych once you're out of school - because you assume 100% responsibility for your child's education so therefore the LA has no way of funding your child for these services. It sucks really.

Clearly you've had bad experiences slender - I'm certainly not on a power trip or pretending to be an inspector. LA officers for home Ed should be totally upfront about their roles and responsibilities. I'm trying to identify children not receiving an education and be available for any support for home Ed families. In reality, there is little support available because of the total lack of funding for EHE. It's extremely frustrating all round. And I get plenty of unpleasant and aggressive responses to my courteous attempts at contact! There is a person just trying to do the right thing by children on the end of whatever response you give. And there are children out there not receiving any education! They are the ones I want to identify. If I see education taking place and everybody is happy and there is some progress being made then I'm thrilled.

OP - don't get upset. I'm sure you're doing a great job. School does not always fit every child. You can try home Ed with your DD and if it's not for her, you can reapply for school at any time. Keep doing what you're doing, chin up.

Have you looked at Irlens syndrome?
I know a few children who have presented with dyslexic tendencies who have since been diagnosed with Irlens.

I don't have anything useful to add but just wanted to say your DC are lucky to have a mum who cares about them so much and wants to do the right thing for them. If your DS is so much happier out of school and is doing better with reading etc then I can't really understand why they are saying he "needs" to be back in school. If you're confident about home educating him and he seems to be doing better then why not continue?

Clearly you've had bad experiences slender

Everyone in this area has had bad experiences. The dishonesty and sheer incompetence is shocking and it is not unusual. Unfortunately it seems to be the norm because LEAs naturally feel defensive about children being deregistered, sceptical about parents being able to do the job they do, and powerless because the law does not protect their right to educate as they thought it did think it should.

What support do you actually give? Here, it seems to be more that home educating families give information about online resources and occasionally the EHE adviser might come up with a few mediocre print-outs.

If the experiences of home educating families in my area had been different, there would be no need for a 'in writing only' relationship. As it is, there's no place for 'friendly' and it's often the case that LEAs assume school is the best place for children regardless of an individual child's experience there.