To be offended and sad with this friends comment

[MyPeriodFeatures]

I'm bi sexual and very single and have been for a couple of years.

I have been chatting with friend about all sorts to do with r/ships and was telling her that a seemingly lovely guy had asked me on a date today and that it really made me realise that I had feelings for this woman (that lives bloody miles away and has a totally different life to mine)

She said, 'what's sex with a woman like, I've heard it's like endless foreplay?'

I had this kind of bullshit in past when I was younger and in LTR. People thinking they can just ask you about the mechanics of the sex you are having.

I feel hurt and wierd and angry and sad like my sexuality is some kind of open book for the curious. I hate it.

littlepaintbox. Yes it did. Unless you think, a conversation about juggling home, work, and family with dating, being asked on a date and considering the possibility of someone you like and the attraction of another person, wanting healthy relationships and readyness to be in relationship can take a leap to 'what's Sex with a woman like, is it just lots of foreplay?'

With nothing to bridge the gap, if you think that's ok then in my book that's pretty poor social skills.....or a total lack of respect..or the conversation going off map by the introduction of a notion that is 'wierd' to some people. , Wierd enough for them to take the conversation to a place which is crass and makes the intimate suddenly really impersonal. Yeah. That's it for me really..

I think BewitchedBotheredandBewildered has the answer.

And to say 'being sad is over the top'

No it's not over the top to feel sad that my friends deal with my sexuality in this way. It's not over the top to feel sad and hurt that a friend can redirect a meaningful conversation so quickly to become basically about her curiosity. it hurts

Senparent. Yeah, you're right! If I wasn't so taken aback and bothered I would've said that..
it's annoying having to deal with this bullshit. I can see why lots of gay women I know tend to mostly socialise with other gay women. It's crap navigating this stuff.

I've got a friend who is often asked where she's from and gets called an exotic beauty by people. It's a sort of similar thing. People home in on it ..makes you feel like a sideshow

Think you are being a bit touchy OP

I think gay and bisexual women get this a lot. "What do you do?!"

I think it's part of society's inability to see anything other than PIV sex as actual sex. They understand two men having sex because that's just a different hole. But, what, no penis?! How does that even work?! The suggestion that it's like endless foreplay makes it clear in this situation.

I think it's a bit insulting.

I'm with you, OP. It's exoticising your sexuality and relationships and treating you as if your emotions have less reality than those of people in straight relationships. You're not a circus sideshow.

That said, she would probably be shocked to realise how offended you were as I am sure it wasn't deliberate.

All of the people on this thread saying they think that comment is totally cool and can't understand why you'd be upset might do well to think pretty hard about how you talk to your LGBT friends.

'what's sex with a woman like, I've heard it's like endless foreplay?

First of all dismissing lesbian sex as just 'endless foreplay', wtf. Ignorant and offensive.

Most LGBT people are tired of being an object of curiosity. Most LGBT people have had to put up with intrusive, inappropriate, ignorant questions about their sex lives (especially as I think most people are roughly aware of how lesbians have sex, tbh). Most lesbians/bi women will naturally resent the offensive opinion that lesbian sex isn't 'real' sex. I've had to put up with this sort of shit too and I resent it. I wouldn't share anymore personal confidences with a person who said that to me.

sniv thank you. I really do question myself and I'm just trying to be more 'out' and this has really thrown me. I feel sad about this friend and yep, feel like I can't confide anymore.

I can really see why people choose to stay in and keep a social circle close around them too.

I'm bi op and tbh if it was a very, very good friend after a few glasses of wine I wouldn't really mind but we do talk about sex. I know not everyone's the same however. Anyone else would get a face, as if it's any of their business.

I do get the whole 'sex isn't real sex unless it's piv', even doctors when asking about the chance of pregnancy ffs. Yes I've had sex, no there's no bloody chance of me being pregnant.

Someone (I considered a friend) recently told me even though I identify as bi because I have a girlfriend, I must be 'licking pussy' and am therefore a lesbian now

Yes, I remember my first post birth appointment with them banging on about contraception. I don't know how many times I had to say 'no I don't need it' with them actually arguing and trying to educate me that I 'could get pregnant again'. Because apparently lots of breast feeding mothers think you can't conceive whilst breast feeding.

Yes and this friend - was no context that was ok for her to say that, none. She pisses me off regularly so I'm probably reacting more than I would with some other people.

Is discussing sex taboo for you just because you are bi?
What makes you so uncomfortable about her question?
I find being able to discuss most subjects is what makes friendship interesting.

'Endless foreplay' LMAO! You should have just gone with 'an orgasm ( or 2 or 3) every time ' and left it at that...

BTW I had someone at work say something similiar - and THAT did p*ss me off...

Depends on how close you are with that friend common. A couple of friends I wouldn't mind them asking that question, others I would be thinking they have no boundaries.

I know I get sick of being asked the ins and outs (no pun) about my sex life as have some of my lesbian friends. I once heard someone ask a lesbian friend of mine at a party if they used dildos so what was the difference between that and sex with a man? They had met them that night!

Everyone focuses on the sex and that's what it's brought down to. Not the fact that you like someone/fall in love regardless of whatever genitals they have.

I would have replied 'bloody awesome thanks for asking. How do you have sex with your partner?'.