Bit of back story, we lost beloved FIL just over a year ago after a long drawn out period of him being ill. He basically had a very poor quality of life and MIL was his carer for about 5 years. She's also considerably younger than he was by 15 years.
After he died she had met another chap on a dating site within a month. Yes a bit fast but when you're in your late 60s, and had basically lost the man you loved a few years ago due to his illness why wait?
There were a few raised eyebrows from other family members (Dh is her only child, but there's extended family on all sides) but on the whole, it's good to see her happy etc.
She is now engaged to 'bob', no plans to get married specifically but there is talk of her moving in with him.
Now we have tried to build a relationship with Bob this year, we went on a holiday in the summer and we have visited several times (3 hour drive away) but it's not been easy. He couldn't be less interested in us, the children irritate him, he has a yappy dog that snaps and growls at the kids and he gets annoyed because he has to keep it on the lead when the kids are around ( the dog snapped at my son during the holiday and gave him a nasty nip) but be is a nice enough chap in his own way. Just very stuck in his ways, only interested in MIL and not her family it seems quite clear.
The other thing is his house, it's a dump, cluttered, dusty, hasnt been decorated since the 70s. His two grown up children live with him (they are in thier 50s) jobless, heavy smokers and drinkers thier entire lives seems to revolve around the pub opposite his house..they are all a bit rough If I can be candid here. Its not ideal.
MIL wants us to go up for the day between Xmas and new year. Dh has flatly refused, he has said we will visit her at her house but not at Bobs. But as MIL practically already lives there and it's inevitable that she will eventually then we might need to suck this up.
Personally I think it will be a visit that takes us 1 day. Yes it's not ideal but we need to get on with it.