Fed is best?

[Blueskies32]

It is coming up to my little lo's first birthday (first baby). I had a great pregnancy and not too bad labour, no concerns when he was born. We had to stay on the ward for 5 days as they though I might have pre eclampsia in labour (I didnt)

I struggled to breast feed and later had a posterior tongue tie cut privately (never checked but instantly helped). I spent 4 nights with a screaming jaundiced baby on an open ward with high turnover and inconsistent help

A HCA finally suggested formula on day 4 (my brain was fogged would have happily given earlier)

He had seizures on day 5 which would have happened anyway (we now know probably familial) and he spent time on NICU, everything came back normal and he seems to be developing normally now thankfullybut was v traumatic time

I have ended up happily ebf for 9 months but I feel a lot of guilt about the harm he may/could have experienced in that first week from effectively being starved

The reason that i am posting is that i had a link to 'fed is best' article recently on my Facebook and it brought back lots of memories, I agree a lot with the message it conveys (if a little scaremongering) and needed to write this as a sort of cathartic thing and for anyone else in a similar situation, it's not a plea to just give formula immediately but (aibu?) don't let it be the be all and end all, and if persevering please make sure glucose and bilirubin are being checked

I still expressed so my baby had some milk. I will never forget though how he was awake and screaming 4 nights solidly until he had formula and feel resentful that this happened.

Just needed to vent, if this helps just one person (ie you can stil give formula and go on to ebf with help) then I'm glad I posted.

Ignore mini. She pushes the same old tripe on every BF vs FF thread.

Cosmic I am usually the most vocal in my disagreement with mini on these threads and have been for about two years now under various usernames but on this thread she's spot on so far. Breastfeeding support is shit in this country and "fed is best" doesn't help whatsoever.

There is no convulsive evidence to support claims about the long or short term benefits of BF. I can't really understand the motivation of people who push BFing over and above baby physical health and mother's MH. This smacks of a kind of smuggery that says more about their own superiority complex than it does any actual concerns for babies.
Feed your baby any way you can. Don't let anyone make you feel bad about it.

convlusive obvs

And yes, there should be better support. But before we can offer that we need to be better informed.

Conclusive

I can't really understand the motivation of people who push BFing over and above baby physical health and mother's MH.

Who is doing that on this thread? You can support BF and call for better BF support, without advocating for compromising mental and physical health.

Wondered how long it would take to turn. If women built other women up we wouldn't be where we are today

The fact that we can't discuss the need for better BF support and more awareness without being accused of "turning" the thread is one of the reasons why BF levels are so horrendously low.

"Who is doing that on this thread? You can support BF and call for better BF support, without advocating for compromising mental and physical health."

Apparently there are people out there who really believe that a baby is better off dead or permanently damaged than having formula. And apparently they have no hesitation in clearly and openly expressing this opinion to exhausted and anxious new mothers who are beside themselves worrying about their newborn's well-being. I say 'apparently' because I'm 50, have worked on a truly shit postnatal ward where women often report being treated unkindly (got bullied off it for reporting what I saw) but even I haven't seen anyone being spoken to like that, or heard anyone express that opinion.

What I have witnessed is health professionals sometimes failing to spot when breastfeeding is really problematic and failing to address the issue in the right way - which sometimes will involve supplementation or (more rarely) the cessation of breastfeeding altogether. But it's a lack of skill which causes this, not a genuine malevolence and over-enthusiasm for breastfeeding.

"There is no convulsive evidence to support claims about the long or short term benefits of BF"

Tell that to the NHS, to UNICEF, the WHO, the RCM, the RCOG, the American Academy of Paediatrics and pretty much every single major health body around the world, because they don't agree with you.

According to NHS Choices breastfeeding protects babies from infections, keeps many babies out of hospitals and away from GP's surgeries, and reduces the likelihood of SIDS.

And excuse me for accepting the recommendations of major health bodies over and above the assertions of some random on the internet who has a vested interest in believing that breastfeeding has no value.

Personally I think it's shocking that women are constantly being told that NHS information about infant feeding is 'all bollocks and lies' and 'unproven'. AND taken to task for repeating the information online.

If you have a problem with the recommendations get a petition up to get this 'unproven' and 'false' information removed from NHS Choices.

If there is no evidence why all the propaganda and why are they trying to increase Breast feeding rates?

I agree with Mini wholeheartedly.

But that is a separate issue to the one facing the OP and a few others, who categorically should not be feeling any guilt.

I agree, the support I had was nonexistent. I was discharged after 6 hours from giving birth. No one checked the latch and how he was feeding they were too busy.

Fed is best. Breast is the biologically evolved norm for human mammal infants.

But as with anything humans have learned to provide a safe alternative.

I actually think there's an issue around any support Full stop. After my first child I trained as a BF counsellor. When I asked where I could advise a mother to seek advice about safe formula feeding, including information in storage and sterilisation, I was told we 'weren't allowed to advise on that or guide'.

I didn't take up the post after training. As long as how women feed their kids is an 'issue' is always going to polarise. What needs to happen is that both types of feeding are offered support. Ideally by the same professionals in the same spaces so that no one feels marginalised or looked down on

Ovaries as an individual who had no support i full heartedly agree with you. I did not say it was you who was turning this thread

Ah, sorry for misunderstanding Life

To op - yanbu for wanting and having catharsis. And for highlighting that supplementation is not the be all and end all - key for some babies and it is critical that bf support people do not fall into the trap of thinking "formula is poison" or that breastfeeding is so perfect it is immune to problems. Delayed onset of lactation can happen, and no quick fix to magically make the milk come (although can have retained placenta, needs detecting and addressing surgically). And babies can have probs latching, often can be addressed with skilled support but there can even be situations those with good training cannot fix, and science doesn't have an answer for us as to why. Have seen mums with nipples too big for baby's mouth that nothing will solve until they are older. Vital to take all the moralising out of bf support and just get on with support. Far too much moral value judgements and class / virtue signalling around this (as well as distortion of science) IMHO. - all in the name of bf advocacy. It's a huge shame.

I needed this thread, thank you OP.

My third child is now 8 days old and, like with her brother and sister, she just won't latch on.

I feel this incessant guilt for not managing to bf 'properly'. I'm expressing what i can, but I hate it. Have had a few break downs.

I've been to several baby cafes for advice and no one can say why she isn't feeding.

I'm getting her checked for tongue tie on Friday and if she hasn't got one, then I'm calling it a day and switching to formula full time.

Good luck economymode and thanks big mama peach nail on head and other posters thanks, for the record i did not set out for a bf vs ff debate.. my guilt was not around having to use formula just the worry now looking back of possible unnecessary harm i may have unwittingly caused by how long he was so hungry for, at such a vulnerable time. 4 long days and nights of attempting to latch screaming baby Is such a horrible memory for me. Think it was uterus who said it (formula ) sometimes needs to be thought of as a medicine and I couldn't agree more. Thanks all

"there can even be situations those with good training cannot fix,"

Yes - UNICEF recommends that perhaps one in ten breastfed babies may need some supplementation in the first few weeks in the event of difficult breastfeeding. At the moment it's about three or four times that number who are being supplemented with formula during that period.