DH has been the main breadwinner for most of our marriage and has generally worked very long (60 hour) weeks. He was self employed and doing a very physical job. Due to health problems and struggles to find work he has not really done anything, apart from the odd week's work here and there, for the last couple of years. I would think he's probably brought in about £2,000 in this time.
I have always worked too, although I spent several years part time when the children were younger, but have been full time for last 4 years or so which now means I am the sole breadwinner effectively. When he worked I basically did everything at home - mostly because he left at 6.00am and got home around 7pm and so naturally most childcare and housework fell on me. Only it still seems to fall on me.
DH cooks, occasionally does a bit of hoovering and puts 11yo child on bus for school and is around when child returns. I on the other hand am out at 7am home around 6pm and then have 2-3 hours work in an evening often (teacher). Am still doing the bulk of the housework in my weekends, and still doing most of the crappy child related jobs, eg arranging dental appts, buying school uniform, sewing name tags, nagging about HW, etc.
DH has now disappeared off to a family event for the weekend 300 odd miles away and has the chance of a couple of days work for an old friend. When I spoke to him tonight to ask when he'd be home (expecting him to say Sunday) he wasn't sure - thought it might be Wed, he'd let me know etc. I told him rather tersely that I needed to know very soon as I would have to sort childcare. This will be a pain - and I can probably call in favours for a day or two, but I have a Dept Meeting Tuesday which means I'll not be in til 7pm, having left at 7am that morning. And it is now just me and the 11 yo. I work an hour away from home.
AIBU to think that DH should actually consider the fact that HE is now the main carer and expected to sort the childcare if he wants to/needs to be away from home? And that I would never have buggered off for a few days knowing he had to go to work without sorting out who was picking our child up/taking care of them? I know he is concerned that he isn't earning. I know it's been hard on him and that he wants to work. But it's been hard on me too and I'm so tired I can barely think straight some days. I'm pissed off that he just dumps even more work on me without thought.