I'm posting here as need some honest feedback as to whether I'm doing the right thing!? To cut a long story short I've been with my husband for 12 years now and we have 3 wonderful children, the eldest is 8 and the youngest is 1.
The problem is he's a heavy drinker (6/ 7+ cans a night) and frequent recreational cocaine user and I've just had enough. I've been unhappy for the last 4 years in particular but have stayed through fear of the unknown/ other women suffer through more/ for the children/ when he's nice he's lovely/ hes a good provider/ fear that he'll meet someone else and I won't be able to handle it/ that he'll want unsupervised access to the children.
Since having my last baby and suffering an awful pregnancy due to the emotional stress endured from him, I have been psyching myself up to leave...well, make him leave. This time has now come and hes left. However he's left before and then returns the next day full of promises and gushing about how much we mean to him and how he'll change. He usually uses the time to get smashed with his friends. They all have families and hold down good jobs which validates his behaviour in his eyes. He's 40 so you'd think he'd outgrown all that by now.
I've found porn on his phone and he stays out overnight about once a week seeing one friend or another...or so he says. He's a good liar.
Tonight he has blamed me for making him the way he is.
My main concern for separating is that I may come to regret it. Or worse still, that he'll gain access to the kids. I do not leave the children alone in his presence as it is due to the many reasons above.
Let me know what you think please as I seem numb to it all now where he's concerned.