First post, so please be kind!
So my wonderful DGM recently passed away at 97. It was expected, but still very difficult. However, it has been made a lot harder through the arguments around the will that have come to the surface.
My DGM had 3 daughters, with my DM being the oldest. Sadly, DM died when I was a baby, with my DF caring for her until the end. My aunts (I have been told) did not help him care for her, or offer to help with childcare or emotional support afterwards, which my DF has never forgotten. However, he let it go for the sake of me and DB. My parents also cared for my grandad before I was born - he had early Alzheimers which no-one else in the family could see. Parents saw it as their duty to care for him, no issue there, just it might be relevant to explain some of DFs anger.
Prior to my DM's death, it was known that DGM's will left everything to 3 daughters, split 3 ways. Like many wills, if one benefactor is deceased, the inheritance goes to their children. We were expecting this. However, we were told the day after DGM's death, that all grandchildren (me, DB, and one aunt's 3 children) and my DF had been left a small monetary gift from DGM, and my 2 aunts would be splitting everything else between them. About a year before, the will had been changed.
This happened 6 weeks ago. My DF and DB are livid. DF views it as my aunts cutting my DB and I out of the will, and benefiting from DM's death. We all agree that whatever DGM wanted should be respected, but in the later years DGM had some difficulties with family connections. I spent more time with her than any other grandchild, and whilst she knew I was her DGC, I don't believe it really clicked for her that my DB and I were her DD's children, through the way she would talk to me about my DM. I think (armchair psychologist) this was a way for her to deal with her grief for my DM, to only think of her as the little girl she used to be, instead of a mum. Therefore I don't think it would ever occur to her that we could be given our DM's inheritance, as it didn't occur that we actually came from her DD, or that there was any part of DM left.
We have just found out through the internet that aunts have put the house up for sale, with no mention to us. Also, all items of DGM have been taken from the house by aunts, without telling us. I understand they are her DDs, however I became very distressed on seeing all my female family members on that side wearing DGM's jewellery to the funeral, and discussing how much it was worth. I feel we are being told we aren't real family because my DM isn't here, and that's why we don't get anything. It feels like I'm being told that my love for my DGM wasn't real.
No conversations have been had with the rest of the family about the will, as we want to make sure everyone has time to calm down and be rational. I suppose what I am asking, is do you think it is unreasonable for us to react badly to this, and what are your thoughts?
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21 replies
user1479426600 · 18/11/2016 00:32
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