AIBU to completely ignore neighbour?

[Rinmybell]

OH and I at the beginning of this year relocated 200 miles away with 3 year old DS.
I soon fell pregnant with our second - and I am due next week.
I am always friendly with our neighbours and was open for conversation, however the household directly opposite us has taken a particular liking to us.
Their son is the same age as ours but is raised very differently. He is fully aware of how babies are made and has a colourful vocabulary. Including a word that is racist.
I try so hard too separate ourselves from them, ignoring her messages, pretending we aren't in, just smiling and waving rather than hanging about too chat but NOTHING works. If I do not answer a text within 10 minutes I get another one following very quickly after, a phone call, a door knock and often a Facebook message also - OH let slip I had Facebook so that's how I ended up with her on that.
When OH pulls up from work very late at night they come out to chat to him and then she will knock on the door until I speak to her also.
She has asked to borrow things numerous times and if I am going to the shop 'can I grab her ....' All of which I say I can't for whatever excuse.
I understand she maybe slightly lonely and I do 100% understand that as I have found maternity leave quite lonely but I can't stand her views or lack of respect for my privacy.
She knocked the other day and I told her I would really like some space as baby will be here soon and due to a complicated pregnancy (true) I needed to be fully recuperated before birth. She just nodded and left. Half an hour later she returned to ask if I had ever seen that Tesco sells orange peppers.
When her son is here to play he breaks my sons toys/ruins his pictures/etc and she never pulls him up on it. She often tries to guilt trip me into having her 6 month old as she 'gets no time too herself.'
I really seriously do not want to have maintain this level of relationship with her, she texts me as soon as she wakes up in the morning and is at the door half an hour after that. She then sends her DS over to shout for my DS - which obviously then DS doesn't understand why he can't answer the door to his friend.
Please any advice would be great, I feel so so trapped.
I have tried - what feels like - everything!!

That sounds so awkward! I don't know what I'd do cos if I took the advice given on this thread is end up feeling like a cow but the alternative is her in your face life till you move. Good luck.

I'd answer her first text with a 'Sorry too busy for contact at the moment' and nothing more, a second one with 'Like I said earlier I'm too busy' and ignore phone calls entirely. If she then comes to the door (and doesn't everyone who cares already know that Tesco sell orange peppers?!) sigh heavily & go with 'As I've already said, I'm too busy, and to be honest I really don't need this right now. The amount of contact I'm getting from you makes me feel like I'm being stalked. Now if you'll excuse I've a lot to do' and shut the door. And just repeat that. Every day until she gets the message (and moves on to bug someone else).
She sounds less the type to give you aggro and more the sort that just don't get that you don't want contact (the peppers incident for instance). You just to be blunt and ignore her.
I admit I'd just ignore her texts, not answer the phone and never answer the door but I'm a coward

I'd completely ignore her.

Oh I had this OP! I totally understand how cloying it feels. You've got to be as hard faced as she is.

Just ignore the texts, don't answer the door, say your son can't play...it might take a while but she will get the picture.

I had this problem with my neighbour. It got to the point I was telling my daughter to whisper so they wouldn't know we were home. It started as nice, quite friendly, within months it had transcended into the point that her DD was copying everything my DD had, we couldn't be awake, in the house, or in the garden without them knocking, texting, calling, facebooking. All the while trying to drag us into their chaos.

It honestly got to a point where I was leaving the house 15 minutes earlier for the school run, so I could avoid them.

One day she blew up at me, telling me what a bad friend I had been to her (not true at all!) and that she deserved better friendships and I must apologise... in the school playground. She then text and text that afternoon.
I've since had my car keyed, had them park so I can't use my parking space, her daughter has tried to bully mine, and it's now generally an awful situation. I'd just recommend saying you don't do well with intense relationships, I'd swallow play dates once a month.

i know this really isn't helpful, and maybe a tad extreme, but when I haad this happen to me, I moved across town. After that I only saw her when she could be bothered to walk 2 miles ie not bloody much!

Oh gosh op, this is one of my nightmares. Would you consider putting a sign on the door saying not to disturb/knock due to newborn baby?

I had the same problem. My neighbour would do all sorts of things to dump her (much younger) DC on us. Among other things that really pissed me off, we'd get a knock every evening on their way back from nursery to come in and play. This was at about half six and my school age DCs were doing homework/music practice etc. She once asked me to look after him so she could make a meal (and her OH was in their house at the time). She tried to befriend some of my friends and do it to them too. It was awful because I couldn't make arrangements without worrying she'd turn up too. Over time I realised her OH was emotionally abusive and wouldn't do any childcare. I feel sorry for her but I can't become involved in her complicated world because it's draining.

It's hellish isn't it!

My suggestion is to avoid her without a confrontation if you can as she will still be your neighbour. Don't answer calls, ignore door knocks (say you were asleep, on a phone call, in the garden), make excuses on FB posts (not this week, xxx is coming to stay, maybe next week), get your son involved in activities the other doesn't like/can't share. Be vague about plans, act like you're in a terrible hurry whenever you see her and can't stop to talk, don't have enough money for her shopping etc. Definitely tell her you're going to some anti-racist events and put some anti racist leaflets through her door. Make yourself seem unreliable even, so that rather than her feeling left out by you, she'll feel you're not suitable for her. That way you can get to the point you can wave when you see her and neither of you expects any more. That's what my neighbour and I do now. She still asks me from time to time to do things, I always find excuses. Of course she must think I'm a bit unfriendly, but it's the only thing to do with someone who doesn't have an off button.

Good luck!

You are in a horrible situation just because you are too nice and polite. You have just got to be blunt with her and tell her you are being harassed by her and it needs to stop. Maybe your OH can help you make it absolutely clear to her, you do not want her to keep bothering you. She sounds needy and sadly people like her can make her people's lives a misery. You cannot even relax in your own home. That is awful.

You poor thing

This sounds really horrible. Agree with pp's who say that bluntness is the only way to go- she won't understand anything else

As you are heavily pregnant you have a legitimate reason to be "resting" whenever she tries to contact you. Once the baby is born claim that you are only having contact with close friends and family for a month and will contact her when you are ready. Hopefully she'll get the message! I'd be wary of falling out with her though as she sounds like she could be a nightmare.

I wouldn't use words like feeling harassed/stalked etc... if you try to address this with her, I think I'd be honest and the next time she shows up at your door say something along the lines of "I need to have some distance Sarah (or whatever her name is), you are very social and outgoing but I am a private person and need alone time. All this texting and calling around every day is too intense for me and it's stressful. It's not personal, I just need my space."

She might get a little huffy because it's basically a rejection of her friendship but that's not your problem and in future when you don't answer the door or respond to texts she will know why. I think ignoring her without her knowing why will make things more unpleasant.

Most blunt would be: "I don't like you. Please go away".

Well yes but if the OP felt comfortable being that blunt she wouldn't be in this situation would she? Besides she has to live on the same street as the other woman so why go straight to the nuclear option that's guaranteed to result in a hostile reaction.

Any update op?

Sorry new baby has made me lose all track of time!
She came knocking as soon as I came home from hospital with the baby and I just said, "sorry I'm really fussy with him as he is so tiny, I don't want anybody to come near him who isn't immediate family"
The day later OH's friends arrived to see the baby to which she was watching.
She has knocked for things like a bin liner - which I gave her - and then said bye and literally shut the door in her face.
OH thinks I'm a bit out of order but she definitely did push me to this point and I think she is now throwing a sulk because whenever we leave the house she comes out and watches but doesn't call me over or run across the road, just shoots dirty looks in our direction.
Could be a lot worse and I am just so glad it has died down and I found the strength (irritability and tiredness) within to just be so blunt.
Thank you everybody!

Result!

And congrats on the new baby.

Well done op coping with that while pg/new baby must have been exhausting. Don't let her back into your space!!!

Well done you! And congrats on the baby