WIBU to just leave my family and go and live alone?

[Swally]

DS is at uni, he's 20. He has lovely accommodation and is just fine. DD is 17, lives at home but has been nothing but a pain in the arse. She's rude, lazy, etc. Used to be very violent when she was about 11-14 and I was close to leaving then. Dad would live with her I assume. I would sell the house. Then purchase somewhere on my own. WIBU?

(Swally).

What about your ds when he has uni holidays and when he finishes? Although he's an adult he might still need your support. Mine certainly did.

If dd gets on better with you that indicates a very poor relationship with her dad. Even if she is rude and lazy I don't think I could just leave them to it. I just don't feel that parenting ends when they turn 18.

My ds2 was a total pita for years but did turn the corner and is 95% lovely at 24. If you walk out and don't offer dd a home even part time I would be concerned that you would ever recover your relationship down the line.

Agree you sound defeated and low. You need a full discussion with dh to find a way forward. Good luck.

Is she actually working much for her GCSEs? Does she have a tutor? I was teaching in a sixth form and know how hard it is for students to work on their own at that level.

Have you thought of ADs for yourself, to help you cope with her? I know it's awful to have to do that, but you do sound very down.

Swally, I was a difficult teenager.. I think many of us were, but you're her mum. If you walk away from her now in this way you risk causing irreparable damage to you relationship with her. Not only that, I can't even imagine the emotional impact of parental abandonment on a child sitting exams who is already experiencing mental health challenges.

She's almost 18, wouldn't it be better to support her, financially if necessary into independence? There must be an alternative?

I would be worried sick to leave such a young girl with depression and in the state she's in especially as she doesn't have such a great relationship with her dad. What if she did something stupid? You'd never forgive yourself. Sounds like she needs professional counselling for her issues. As s mother you need to be there for her no matter what. Once she's sorted herself out then make the decision to leave.

I think if you left her now it would cause more damage. At 17, and not yet living as an adult, she still needs you.

You sound so unhappy though. Do you have depression as well? It's a condition that makes even small blips seem unbearable.

Your poor daughter.

I think that even though children grow up quicker than they used to, they are taking longer to become "grown up".

I also think you need to stay. Maybe try and distance yourself a bit more though and make sure you do more for yourself. Give yourself more time away from the house doing something you like. If you leave your daughter would feel really abandoned and she may well get worse. You could tell her you thought about leaving though so she doesn't take it out on you all the time. Tough times!

I would stay in the short term, but sort out the separation with your H now and let your daughter know that you will be leaving next summer (or whenever you think is right).

That will give some warning that things are about to change fundamentally but also fix a deadline on when it's going to happen that everyone can focus on. You will be making process towards a happier state while still giving her support. Your H will be able to make his own plans and - hopefully - you'll all be able to do it without too much emotional clashing.

Great advice Peppa.

In your daughters shoes and suffering from depression I'd be devastated my mum would consider leaving me, that abandonment may add to her issues.

I'd look a bit deeper as to why she was difficult during that three year period, why she's depressed now and what may have caused it. I certainly wouldn't be leaving her until she's in a better place and settled herself.

I would, life is too short to be made unhappy by other peoples choices..