To ask what is fair here re: night waking

[Leonas]

For context: 2 dds, I am currently on mat leave with dd2 (6m). DP works full time (mon-fri 9-5) and extra freelance work evenings and some weekends.
DD1 (3) has been getting up and coming into our bed for the last fortnight or so and, for an easy life, we have let her (I know, rookie mistake and we should never have let it happen regularly). She is a restless sleeper, thrashing around and talking in her sleep, plus we only have a double bed and we are, ahem, not the smallest of people, so it got to the point that nobody was getting a good sleep. Added to that is dd2, who is very clingy just now and was only sleeping if she was in with me too - 4 in the bed, flailing toddler, snoring baby, eurgh!
So, we agreed that we would have to get dd1 back to her own bed and would just keep taking her back through to her room and settling her if she got up through the night. I also made some changes to the cot and routine etc to get dd2 out of our bed too.
Night 1 of new regime - dp went to bed first, I came up to find dd1 snoring away in our bed. I lifted her back to her own bed (he muttered an apology) and got her settled. She got up another 3 times through the night and each time I took her through and got her back to sleep (eventually). Thankfully dd2 slept pretty well in her cot.
Night 2 (last night) - dd2 has a cold, sleeping is awful so ended up in with me. DD1 got up twice, second time DD1 was already awake for a feed so I ended up with both of them in dd1's bed (a single) trying to get at least some sleep.
Still with me??
My question is, if I am off work just now, should it be me doing all of the nighttime shenanigans? Should I leave dp to sleep because he has to get up for work or should I expect him to take a turn too?

I did the majority of the night wakings when it was just ds but after we had dd dp dealt with ds and me with dd (she was bf). He still gets up with the kids if need be, although they are both pretty good sleepers now.

It's difficult. I have a DD age 3 and a DS age 13 Months. DD has always been a good sleeper but I always did the night wakings when she was small despite also working myself. DS is an awful sleeper and even now is up several times a night. I have always been the one to go into him and it's been really hard on me to be honest. I am always ill with something, always feel tired. I haven't had a full nights sleep in over a year and it gets to you. DH works shifts which is why I have always done it but it's so bloody hard and sometimes I resent him for it

Ds is ebf and feeds to sleep so I always do all the wake ups. Sometimes dh used to get up in the weekend mornings after I'd fed ds and stay up with him so I could go back to bed but that doesn't seem to happen anymore.
If I had an older child who just needed settling though whilst I was bfing a young one I'd expect him to help.

I think it's very much the 'what works for you' thing. I went back to work when dd1 was 4.5 months. DH is a sahd. Despite that, he's done 5 night wakings in her 19 months. She's a very good sleeper at the moment but wasn't until about 14 months. Expecting #2 any day and once this baby arrives, he's in charge of DD1. hopefully the be arrival won't disrupt things too much for her!

We have children exactly the same age. I do all night feeds for the baby, and my husband gets up to the 3 year old if needed.

I find I can do the four or five feeding wake ups and still cope, but add on two toddler ones and I'd be a zombie. I don't nap very well though, so a catch up nap in the day doesn't really work for me.

We have also been through the phase where they both slept in with us and DH worked really hard taking the three year old back to bed each time, and now the pay off for him is that he generally gets an uninterrupted night of sleep. Try selling that idea to your husband. It didn't take very long to sort in the end.

Now we just need to stop the baby noisily cooing herself to sleep after night feeds.

I think your DH should deal some of the night waking, otherwise DD1 will get the idea that Mummy won't let me sleep in the big bed (but Daddy might...)

I would say what works for you two. I need much more sleep than my DH. So even when I was on maternity leave, there were nights when he did all night wakings. Otherwise I was really not functional.