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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think if you don't RSVP you're not coming?

45 replies

MerryMarigold · 17/11/2016 09:10

Ds1 has a party on Sunday. He's been trying to make friends in his (relatively) new school for over a year now and seems to have made a bit of progress so we decided to do a football party in a Sports' Centre so he could invite a decent amount of people. We invited about 10 from school (plus a few outside-school friends) a couple of weeks ago, but I have had only one RSVP which is someone who can't make it. I have asked ds and he said some people are coming, but I haven't heard anything from the parents. I don't really know the parents (have only 1 mobile number) as a lot of them don't do the drop off and now kids are Y6 they often come by themselves.

I am not sure what to do about ordering a little gift to take home afterwards (instead of a party bag) as there could be 6 there or there could be 16! Not to mention I think it is quite rude not to respond. My heart is quietly breaking for ds1 who has been so excited about his new 'friends' coming .

So this is partly to vent and also to get some practical advice. I have 2 more pick ups and one more drop off to sort this out. WWYD.

OP posts:

Original poster

MerryMarigold · 18/11/2016 10:30

I got 2 replies, both coming!! Ds is thrilled. Both apologised for replying late. I don't know whether to text the one number I have, seems a bit hassly now I've sent a note out.

OP posts:

HarryPottersMagicWand · 18/11/2016 11:07

I've come to the conclusion that a lot of people are just self absorbed and don't really bother to think about others. It takes 20 seconds to send a "yes X can come/sorry can't make it" text. There is no excuse other than they can't be bothered or waiting to see if a better offer comes along. I'd never ignore an invite, it's just rude (obviously this doesn't apply if you never actually got the invite in the first place).

Hope you get some more replies today. I have found there are very few people who will respond to anything in less than a day. I do it at soon atss I get home, then it's done and I don't have to worry about forgetting.

As you have sent out reminder notes, I possibly wouldn't contact the one number I had, unless you can phrase it as a "not sure if you received my note, but just checking if X can come to the party as DS was really hoping to see him there."

ViewBasket · 18/11/2016 13:18

Good to hear you've had those two replies

I don't think you can really text the number you have, now you've sent the reminder.

Hope you get some more replies today.

Pineapplemilkshake · 18/11/2016 13:21

I hate this too! This time of year, selection boxes are great instead of party bags. I did them for my DS last week - home bargains are selling 2 for £3

Original poster

MerryMarigold · 18/11/2016 14:26

Great idea Pineapple, but we're not near any Home Bargains. I got them a Match Annual and ordered only enough for kids who have let me know they're attending. I've checked and there is a Smiths not far from the Sports' Centre, so if others do just turn up I'll pop out and get a few more (though they aren't so cheap in WHSmith!). Foodwise I'm going to get a few bits/ drinks and then order pizza, so again I can do that after the football starts and before the eating begins!

OP posts:

Scribblegirl · 18/11/2016 14:33

Random question - do schools not do contact sheets any more? When I was little we had a parent phone pyramid with everyone's names and numbers on for eg school trips. Guessing it's a data protection thing now but do you not get contact details for classmates parents? At least in juniors and infants?

Scribblegirl · 18/11/2016 14:34

Sorry for the derail there merry just realised how rude that was! Hope your DS has a great party.

Original poster

MerryMarigold · 18/11/2016 15:14

Oh no, that's fine Scribble. No, I've never had that and been to 3 schools with my kids. The youngest have just left infants. Maybe it is data protection. You generally know a few parents and have their numbers, but because we haven't been here for long and he's older and not v popular so not been asked round to anyone's house, I don't have many numbers of parents.

OP posts:

Scribblegirl · 18/11/2016 15:39

That's such a pain - ours was pinned to the fridge all through school! also an uncool child so the only way mum was going to be able to know who the other parents were

Hope all goes well tomorrow and sounds like the six from out of school are a good gang

WhisperingLoudly · 18/11/2016 15:45

I don't think most parents mean to be rude. I always try and respond immediately but there will be times when my work calendar is not finalised and I might be away which makes attending very tricky so I need to wait and see.

Original poster

MerryMarigold · 18/11/2016 18:14

2 more! I text the one I had a number for to get another number as ds insists he's coming but has lost my number twice. The one I text then said her son is coming too! So 4 from school. We doesn't unfit all the boys in year as there are 2 classes as last year ds was in with different kids so we may asked those he plays football with, and knows they enjoy it.

OP posts:

Original poster

MerryMarigold · 18/11/2016 18:15

Sorry made no sense. We didn't invite all boys in class....

OP posts:

KathArtic · 18/11/2016 18:49

Its a good idea to keep a note of all the mobile numbers that come with invites your kids receive over the years.

The trouble is parents can't be bothered to reply in case something better comes up. If it doesn't they'll turn up - with siblings too- to your party to be entertained for the afternoon.

MrsMook · 18/11/2016 19:57

I'm learning to put the phone number in my calendar and write it down when I get an invitation now, because invitations have a nasty habit of disappearing when I need to refer to them.

I really struggled last year. I had a demanding new temporary full time job, DS1 was new in school from a different nursery, DS2 was in a different setting and I spent the year frantically trying to just get through each day. I knew no one at the school, and didn't get near it between 8am and 5.55. DS wouldn't even divulge names of his class or friends. No class list. When it came to his party, I ended up writing "classmate" 29 times because I still hadn't got a clue about who was in his class several months into the year. I was being flakey, but would never have dreamed of turning up without a confirmation.

Some parties where I knew it was a definite decline I'd respond promptly to. The problem is where a party falls in a wait and see around life- for example, if we're doing DIY, it's hard to know far in advance if it's a one or two man job. To accept every invitation where there's no other concrete plans leaves little time to make any progress in the house and a balance has to be struck. Hopefully I'm managing to organise it better with my new system...
It'll also make chasing up for his parties easier, especially as his birthday is really badly timed for availability.

welltakeitaway · 21/11/2016 12:41

OP how did the party go? Did any other guests turn up that had not rsvp?

ViewBasket · 21/11/2016 12:59

Hope it went well OP?

Original poster

MerryMarigold · 21/11/2016 16:16

Thanks for asking. No-one turned up unexpectedly. Just the 4 from school who said they were coming. One finally rsvp'd on Sat but ds was pretty convinced he was coming so I was prepared. So 10 plus my 2 boys was 12. Ds had a brilliant time and has been incredibly well behaved since. I think he was anxious about it, bless him. Thanks MN for the idea to chase with a note, it saved the party for him and a considerable chunk of his self esteem. Love this site.

OP posts:

LaPampa · 21/11/2016 16:27

I don't think everyone who forgets to reply is rude or waiting for a better offer. My daughter is invited to 2 parties, one next weekend, the other the weekend after. In both instances I received invite, it was for an event about 6-8 weeks away and I promptly forgot about it. (Small baby, baby blues, hormones, new school etc). I'm usually very polite organised and reliable, it is just both invitations managed to slip through the net. One mum asked me at school as she needed to confirm numbers and I was horrified I had forgotten.

Hope you get it sorted OP.

Original poster

MerryMarigold · 21/11/2016 17:18

LaPampa, no one has a small baby though one has a kid who looks about 18 months. And I only gave them out 2 weeks ago so not a huge time to forget!

OP posts:

ViewBasket · 21/11/2016 20:12

So glad to hear it was a good outcome Well done on staying calm and persistent.

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