About friends cancelling my leaving meal

[applesandpears86]

I've lived in this city for 4 years. On Saturday I am moving away to start a new job in a city where I know a handful of people.

This week I've arranged to see different groups of friends each night, to fit them around each other before I leave.

The group I'm supposed to be seeing tonight have all cancelled on me just now; one can't get a babysitter and one has to go to the gym because she didn't go yesterday or this morning.

I've also been seeing a guy for 8 months and this morning we said our goodbyes (don't want long distance), my house is getting packed up and I just feel scared and nervous.

AIBU to feel really upset about this and the fact that none of them seem to understand why?

If your friend hasn't declined seeing you because she was getting ready for a date, I would be on her side. Sorry people, but sometimes you have commitment and you are dedicated to achieve something, even if it means sacrificing nights out. YOU might believe it's not important, but it's out of order to insult someone who has more discipline than you and keeps on training/ studying/ working for something.

The fact that she had the day off and refused to see you is different. She can't make it clearer she doesn't want to see you, sounds like you have fallen out!

The best bit about moving away is that you find out which friends were worth keeping.

Hell to the yes.

If babysitter friend is telling the truth (let's assume she is), couldn't she suggest you come over for a takeaway or something instead?

Sorry OP. Good luck with the move and your new city/life.

I think that's bad form on their part.

MauiWest I agree - however she told me to keep the Wednesday evening free a couple of weeks beforehand as she wanted to go out.

She openly told me jokingly that she had skipped the gym on the Tuesday evening and Wednesday morning so had to go Wednesday evening instead of making our planned-by-her evening!

Well how long does she spend working out? Surely she could fit in a casual meet-up afterwards for may be an hour? A bit of a chat over a drink and nibbles? She should be having something after exercise after all. Still, if she does not want to see you before your move, sounds as though she may not be worth keeping in touch with; If she can't be bothered to ensure she keeps to her schedule and/or go a little out of her way, she probably isn't going to travel for several hours to your new location, especially if she does achieve her aim of joining up.

Some people are weird about goodbyes. Send a breezy goodbye message and use the time to research things you want to do in your new area with a bottle of wine and something nice to eat. Toast yourself on the new adventure.

all these arrangements and stuff about moving seem quite self indulgent, how far are you moving? where are your friends from etc is it colleagues or someone you have been properly friends with? how long have you known them/how often do you see them?

Looks like they are less invested in the friendship than you. doesn't make you or them a bad person, but i'd not plan to keep in touch much post move if they're being this flaky now.

It's not self indulgent to want to have a quick meet up with friends before you move to another part of the country. It might be a while before she can see them again. I will agree though that the friends don't seem as invested in the friendship as she is but has only found out now. It's quite sad actually.

well i guess it depends on if they are friends that go for meals together or 'someone she knows from the school gate and doesn't usually go for meals with' iyswim?

I can see why you're hurt and disappointed....moving is a big deal for you of course, but their reaction makes you feel like the fact you're not going to be around doesn't matter much to them.

Recognise too that you are probably feeling this more than you might otherwise, because moving will be making you feel everything more strongly and emotionally.

Still crap though. I hope your new place is a great success and you make lots of good friends really quickly.

If it helps, I lived somewhere for 3 years where I didn't make many friends and the ones I had didn't feel like close friends. Then I moved and within 6 weeks I had more friends than before and many of them have turned out to be really really good friends. Good luck!

I know how you feel. We did a biggish move a few years ago and organised a leaving party at ours to say goodbye to lots of friends we had made in the area where we had lived since our children were born.

On the night only about half of the people came but what really upset me was that the ones who didn't come were people I'd considered to be closer friends.

I was really upset - its a stressful time, I'd gone to a lot of trouble and I felt as if they didn't care that we were going. I've never seen most of them again. But I have kept in touch with a few people who did come.

Try to stay positive, enjoy the goodbyes that do work out and I really hope your move goes well & that you meet some lovely new people in your new home.

The woman going to the gym, I would be shot of. My brother has been in top form for the past decade. He makes do with a 30min regime to keep him in top shape so he can do other things in life, like go for drinks/dinner with friends.

I second that you should call your friend who can't get a babysitter and see if she is open to you coming around with some wine and a take away.

How is it self-indulgent to want to see friends to say goodbye before you move away?

Did you suggest going round to see gym bitch or the women who couldn't get a babysitter?

I would give the latter a second chance if you haven't already and suggest popping round to see her (and baby) for a takeaway (no need for alcohol).

Gym bitch can go to hell. She could have planned her gym around your night out; she's pushed you off her priorities list.

Babysitters can be hard to find - if the other one won't have you over, you know to ditch her too, but if she's willing to catch up whilst keeping an eye on her little one, she's still worth keeping in touch with when you move.

I moved today. Got a message from gym friend saying she was outside my door at 1pm, about 3 hours after I had moved out!

She only lives next door but one as well.

Oh ffs she had already proven herself to be shit, there was no need to demonstrate even more shittiness. Have you responded? I don't think I could respond to that tbh.

I just replied saying 'no not in, I moved today?'. Got no response.

Silly woman

I think I'd send 'Enjoy your exercise regime. Don't bother contacting me again' as a final message tbh....

Text her 'Better never than late'

Well rid. Good luck with your new life!

What a knob! You'll be well shot of her in your new life.

Just out of interest. Why didn't you go round to 'can't get a babysitter' friend's house?

Enjoy your new home and making new friends.

"May the Stairmaster provide you with as much warm friendship as I did."