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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to want to move to a large house?

47 replies

velvetspoon · 16/11/2016 08:20

Long term plan with my bf are that in the next 5-10 years (probably nearer 5) we relocate from the south east to a more rural area which bf has ties to, closer to his family etc. There is a substantial price difference, meaning I could sell my current 5 bed semi and buy a similar sized, detached house and have money over (which I am likely to put towards either buying a small flat here - as we may need to continue working in London intermittently - or use to set 1 or both my DC up in their own homes, DC are currently 15 and 18).

I do look at what's for sale in the area we want to move to, and show the best ones to bf. Inevitably he looks at them and says 'why do we need a 5 bed house?'

He'd be happy with something 3 bed or less. But I want room for my DC (and his) to visit. Indeed it's possible my younger DC may even move with us. I'm conscious that we'll be 200 miles away from them and my friends, and people will want to visit and need to stay. AIBU not to think we should move to a smaller house than I have now?

OP posts:

OldBootNewBoots · 16/11/2016 09:42

both sets of GP live in 5 bedroom houses, i think it's the idea of children and grandkids staying - and what's wrong with that? If you can afford it, people are more likely to visit if they have access to the kind of privacy a bigger house gets you. You can always downsize at a later date if you need the money.

senua · 16/11/2016 09:42

You are selling this to your bf as "look at this 5-bed" because that is what is important to you. If you pitch it as "look at this garden/garage/view" (or whatever floats his boat) then you might get somewhere. His garden/garage/view will, fortuitously, have 5-beds, but you don't need to labour that point.
Don't forget that a second property (the flat you were talking about) incurs extra Stamp Duty. It might be more advantageous to put the money towards something in the DCs' names. But look at Help To Buy rules & regs before you lose their property-buying virginity!

MadMadDonna · 16/11/2016 09:44

YANBU - we have more than 5 beds and use them

hoddtastic · 16/11/2016 09:45

i don't really ever post stuff like this, but are you,perchance, having a go at a stealth boast?

It's a pipe dream right now. No need to stress about it. (keep your property in your own names if you think your DP isn't fully on board obv)

00100001 · 16/11/2016 09:46

It won't be a family home though, will it??

If you're moving far away your kids might visit and stay once a month, or every other - probably not at the same time.

It seems crazy to buy a 5 bed house when in reality 2 people will be living there.

SapphireStrange · 16/11/2016 09:49

Personally I'd go smaller, but with land, and use the left-over money for a flat in London and/or to help out the children.

I don't mean tiny, just not a 5-bed.

shovetheholly · 16/11/2016 09:54

How old are you OP?

I realise this may seem ridiculously premature, but I am doing some work on housing for older people at the moment, and one of the really striking things is how few people plan ahead for the issues that they may face. Now, don't get me wrong - 60 is very much the new 40 for many people when it comes to lifestyle, fun, and activity. Most people are still really young at that age and it seems ridiculous to suggest that they need to plan for a time when they might be less able to get about! But it's more that planning ahead- having a house that is manageable, flexible and adaptable builds resilience. If problems of any kind do start, adaptable housing can make the difference between a warm, cosy, comfortable, active, social and fulfilling time in retirement and a miserable, cold, uncomfortable, lonely and draining environment.

Plenty of people working in this area advise people to start planning what they want from their life early, from about the age of 50. That absolutely doesn't mean installing grab rails etc before you need them or anything like that! But it means thinking about how and why you want to live a certain way. Having a really large house can be a terrible burden if you are older - moving from one can also be heart-wrenchingly difficult.

EveOnline2016 · 16/11/2016 09:57

Go for it.

You can always have 1 bedroom as a dressing room, computer room 2 quest bedroom and your bedroom.

SpunkyMummy · 16/11/2016 10:15

YANBU.

However, there's no need to start an argument now.

If your DS were to decide to live with you or if one of your DC were to have kids this wouldn't even be something you'd have to argue about...

Good luck :)!

SpunkyMummy · 16/11/2016 10:22

What about a 3 bed house with a very large family room, a sitting room etc?

However, we live in a 4-5 bedroom house. (Depends on how you count... is a nursery a bedroom? And we currently use one as a study/book storage unit).

But it really is useful. My sister and her family live in the continent and it's more than a few hours drive to my parents, so, the amount of rooms is really a blessing. Although unfortunately still not enough to accommodate everybody comfortably over Christmas...

Allthewaves · 16/11/2016 10:25

Pil have 4 bed and it's huge - lovely massive bedrooms

BarbarianMum · 16/11/2016 10:39

I agree with shovetheholly Don't end up in your 80s with a huge house that you can't manage any more, filled with stuff you don't want to get rid of and fighting a move into something more managable. For everyone's sake!

If this move is to a big house, think about when you'll move again. If the answer is "I don't want to ever move again" then buy something smaller and affordable (think about heating/onward decorating and maintenance) and suitable now.

RebelandaStunner · 16/11/2016 10:41

I would try to keep as much money in property as possible, it's working fine for us.
We have a 5 bed with lots of downstairs rooms and use them all, when we're all here it doesn't feel huge or anything. We often have people round/dc have friends to stay etc plenty of space and storage.
We don't intend to move until mid 60's at the earliest and our dc are similar age to yours. So that's another 16+ yrs here whatever our dc do.
If I was in your position I would look for one with an annexe/holiday let potential as someone suggested.

80sWaistcoat · 16/11/2016 10:45

We've got a 4 bed house and ratttle round it a bit to be honest. 3 kids are off at Uni etc - (my stepchildren). We are going to turn one of the rooms into a proper spare room - so redecorate and remove teenage posters etc...but haven't got round to it yet.

We are rarely going to have them all back staying at once. We don't quite know what to do with the rooms at the moment.....

Anyway a 5 bed house seems a bit much. I'd be thinking about one with a granny flat anyway if your son is probably going to be living with you. I'd have really liked one of those for me when eldest step son was living here after Uni!

Original poster

velvetspoon · 16/11/2016 11:06

Something with an annex is a possibility. Also might work better for family visits when/ if we have DGC etc.

We're in our early/ mid 40s now, so will be late 40s when we move. I'm not really thinking about being in the house still in my 80s (mainly because I don't think either of us are likely to live that long). I am thinking of the next move as somewhere we could live for the next 20 years though at least.

OP posts:

Original poster

velvetspoon · 16/11/2016 11:08

Oh, and it really wasn't intended as a stealth boast, if that's how it seems.

OP posts:

Marynary · 16/11/2016 11:14

Considering that it isn't something you will be able to do for another 5 to 10 years, I'm not sure really why you would waste any headspace on it. In that time, you may both have different ideas regarding size and location. Also, it is possible that house prices will rise in the rural area relative to the SouthEast which could mean that you won't have any money left over if you buy a five bedroom house.

steppemum · 16/11/2016 11:19

If I could I would have a house with a large utility room (think same size as kitchen) a large study for dh and a large crafting/sewing room for me. Plus a small study for me to do actual work from. Also big dining space, plus 2 spare rooms, so family with kids coudl come to stay.

So, on balance, I don't think you are being unreasonable! if you can afford it, get the space you want.

When my parents downsized aged 70 they were clear - study each and guest room was non negotiable.

Original poster

velvetspoon · 16/11/2016 11:24

5 years is highly likely - it could be as little as 3. It's quite a major step, I've only ever lived within a 15 mile radius of where I live now so moving 200 miles away is a big deal.

Location isn't likely to change as we are moving to a specific area to be near where bf is from/ his family are. Prices could change but it would have to be pretty dramatic, at the moment the sort of houses I've seen are worth about 50-60% of mine. Plus bf will be contributing, as it will be our house not just mine. I get that it's a way off, but given it's a major step for me, I am giving some thought to it already.

OP posts:

shovetheholly · 16/11/2016 11:44

"When my parents downsized aged 70 they were clear - study each and guest room was non negotiable."

Bloody hell steppe! 5 bedrooms was downsizing? Were they living in Downton Abbey before?

Marynary · 16/11/2016 18:10

Perhaps you should go on that TV programme "escape to the country".

Boiing · 16/11/2016 20:42

Depends on sizes of rooms / house, but mostly on if you want to host family events like xmas / if either of you work from home and so need a study / if you have parents alive who when they are older may need to live with you. If the latter is the case then the bigger the better. I imagine 5 beds can easily turn into 1. Your room 2. A child's room 3. A guest room 4. A study / hobby room 5. A walk in wardrobe/ junk room. Ha just pick a house you love and don't worry if it's 4 ir 5 beds.

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