...to request priority seat on private hire bus while pregnant?

[naranciata]

My workplace is a fair distance from town and puts on shuttle buses to the town centre. They are normal buses hired from a local bus company with bells; route displays; priority seats etc. The buses at 1600, 1630 and 1700 are normally standing room only and this afternoon when I was able to get out of work there was a big queue already. But the time I got on the bus there were about 12 people standing. I'm 19 wks pregnant and feeling really tired and gross. I edged to the priority seats area and asked the two men sitting there if I could sit down. They looked me up and down and asked why (I don't have a v obvious bump yet, especially not through coat etc) so I explained about pregnancy and tiredness and indicated priority seats (which have a logo of a pregnant woman and a wheelchair user). One of the men said that because the bus is on private hire to my workplace, the seating is all the same and just first come first served and priority seating is not observed. The other man said he'd also heard that and told me that I should have arrived earlier!

At this point a woman sitting in the row behind gave her seat up for me (where I am currently sitting) so I didn't have to get the bus driver involved but I can't believe they were in the right! WIBU?

If anyone said they were feeling tired and rough, I would give up my seat for them.

What gits. I agree with everyone else, talk to HR and get an official ruling on whether the priority seats are to be given up for those less able to stand. Get it in writing and don't be afraid to stand up for your right to not stand up.

Thanks all. I'm pleased it wasn't just me. I do take the point about also feeling rough with a cold etc, but I'd hope someone in that situation would also ask for a seat if they thought it would help. For me, it's the horrible overheating on buses at this time of year that makes me feel faint which, combined with low blood pressure can cause actual fainting. Not ideal on a bus.

I'll speak to someone tomorrow and try and get some clarity. Surely it would be mad to have 'deactivated' the priority seats when the bus is on private hire?

Since none of us knows how the people who were asked were feeling or what state of health they were in or what hidden disability they might have had the whole debate is meaningless.

The assumption is they are men and OP is a pregnant woman and therefore has priority over the seats. They may well have needed the seat very much indeed. We simply do not know.

Either the priority system is in place - in which case whoever needs it most gets it. Or there isn't and everyone takes their chances.

The woman gave up her seat. The op has her seat.

Gentlemen Jims. I bet their mothers and fathers would be proud of them.
I found through my pregnancy. It was men who fussed over me, and offered me their seats.
You shouldn't have been worried about the driver getting involved. He should have got himself involved when 2 perfectly able bodied "men" were sitting in the priority seats.!!!!!

I work in a very male environment and didn't want fuss or exemptions

I don't think making adjustments if you need it when pregnant IS making a fuss.

I was lucky and never had a moments sickness, felt amazing all the way through and worked right up to 40 weeks.

A colleague who was due same time felt absolutely abysmal and needed various adjustments making for her.

Different people having different needs is not making a fuss IMO.

Well technically I worked to 39.5 and went into labour at 40 but still

Well aren't they a fine pair.....

I witnessed similar once. Only thing was it was in the obstetrician's office!

The doctor had been called away to an emergency, so the waiting area got really busy. When I arrived, there was one seat left. I sat down, and DH stood by the wall. Shortly after, another woman arrived. Not one man stood up. So she approached one, asked him if she could have his seat, and he had the cheek to tell her he was there to see the doctor too. It was unbelievable. In fairness, the secretary came out that stage, told him to move, and made an announcement that she expected all men to vacate seats for any woman who came in, as they were the patients, not the men. It was shocking to see how all those men behaved.

BadKnee - the men specifically argued that they were keeping the seats because the priority seat system was not in place as it was a private hire. That is completely different to them arguing to keep the seats because the priority system was in place and they fell into one of those priority categories.

I completely appreciate that those with hidden disabilities probably don't want to get into a discussion about the details of their disability, but I would expect someone who had a need to keep the seat to say that they needed it for medical reasons (or similar), not say that it isn't actually a priority seat.

It is the equivalent of getting into a public bus, asking for the seat because you are pregnant and being told to get lost. It's wrong to get all hand wringing about hidden disabilities and therefore allow complete arses without disabilities free rein to get away with anything they want.

Being pregnant isn't relevant. Anyone who is feeling unwell and asks for a seat on a bus should be given one by an otherwise healthy person - priority seat or not!

It's called being a nice person.

I absolutely agree. Gave up my seat today in fact to an elderly man with a stick. But there are days when my knees are very bad and I just don't. But there is no way I would argue that on a bus. I'd probably just say no.

The thing is it always easy to assume that the other is unreasonable - in this case they might be - but my point is that we don't know. (Legal brain)

Also - I do think that the "rules" have changed. It used to be that kids always stood or sat on parent's knee to allow adults to sit. Younger gave way to older. Men to women - (women would not have to explain that they were pregnant as usually a man somewhere would offer). That changed, the attitude is often everyone for him/herself.

On my bus today the rest of the passengers were almost all students going to the university. Not one gave up a seat. There was a woman with a pushchair and a toddler who had to stand and two elderly people. (9.30 bus so no commuters)

Sorry - off topic a bit - but seat-offering is rare now. It's a shame.

Sorry OP - just realised my post probably sounded a bit insensitive. Didn't intend that - just like to discuss facts and issues.. Sometimes I forget that there are people behind the posts. Hope that you are feeling better now. Good luck with it all.

YANBU. It's just good manners to offer a seat to someone with a greater need.

I was very grateful when I was offered a seat on the tube at 18 weeks pregnant. I was at the transition point where the nausea was finally fading away and being replaced by SPD (not that I realised at the time, but with hindsight, my pelvis began grinding up on that trip). Standing on stuffy transport isn't a great combination with a body struggling with nausea/ tiredness/ high or low blood pressure/ aches etc

Have done a lot of pregnant commuting. It was always older women or younger men that gave up their seats. Rarely young women and almost never older (by which I mean over thirty rather than old and in need) men.

If they had invisible disabilities or illnesses they could've just said "sorry i actually really do need this seat" but they didn't they claimed the rules don't apply. Whether they do or not (unsure of the legal situation) the men were very rude! I'm surprised they even challenged you on why you needed it as surely most people if directly asked would automatically give up their seat if they were capable of standing. I get that people don't offer, especially on a bus full of commuters as the assumption (rightly or wrongly) is that everyone is able bodied. What if OP needed the seat for some medical condition she didn't want to start explaining to strangers on a bus? Or was in the first trimester and didn't want to announce her pregnancy but was suffering with terrible sickness?

What a nasty pair of selfish twats.

It doesn't matter if the priority seats are "binding" in some way or not. It's a matter of common courtesy. If someone needs the seat more than you do, you should give it up to them.

squiggle that's unbelievable!

Some people are just so incredibly selfish and entitled.

squiggle

The antenatal clinic at my local hospital actually has signs up all around saying 'please do not leave pregnant ladies standing the chairs are here for them'

I find it shocking that a sign is needed

Well I wouldn't have given you my seat because I need it more than you, though I'm not disabled either. But I wouldn't have explained to you why I needed it (not your business, and my conditions invite scorn.) Caught on the back foot, I might have said something twattish like these men did.

So I feel uncomfortable with the assumption that these men were just being twats. I also understand that it's not an unreasonable assumption.

On balance, I would give them the benefit of the doubt. By all means go to HR, but I would approach it as "What adjustments can you make to support me in my pregnancy?" rather than "These men were twats and I want something done about it."

Bloody hell, if someone feels crap enough to ask me if they can have my seat, they will get it without any problems. Those men sound like twats.

Zoe surely you can just say "actually I do need the seat" without disclosing your reasons rather than act like a twat?

The selfishness of some people never ceases to amaze me. Fair enough them not noticing your pregnancy through your winter coat, but to basically tell you to fuck off when you explained to them that you're pregnant is beyond the pale. What a pair of entitled, self-centred twats!

harderandharder2breathe Fortunately I don't have to get buses often so it's never happened, but I can imagine myself getting really flustered and saying something twattish just to get the person to go away.

Report to HR. They deserve to be disciplined.

My apologies for my gender. We aren't all arseholes. Rights don't come into it; human decency does. If it happens again ask the man if his mother was ever pregnant.