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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My son says he feels like dying.......help

23 replies

scruffymum · 13/02/2007 16:40

My DS (9 years) is feeling very negative about himself and says he feels like hitting his head until he dies.
He is experiencing some problems at school that I am aware of and I am in cimmunication with his teacher, he says everybody at school hates him and calls him stupid. He is now beginnign to belive he is stupid, and he is not, he is actually very intelligent. We are a loving suportive family and very close, I would consider us normal and I cannot bear to see him like this. Has any one else this kind of experiece? I really don'r know what to do, we are always very positive and have encouraged all our children to do well.

OP posts:

StrawberrySnowflakes · 13/02/2007 16:43

not an immediate solution but could you try getting some counselling for him if he wont 'talk' to you about what is actually bothering him, would he be happier if he changed schools?is he being singled out/bullied? if so, for any particular reason?.poor lamb

Original poster

scruffymum · 13/02/2007 16:45

I don't want him in councelling coz I don't think he needs it he has been bullied in the past and I know he is not happy but we don't live in UK and school choice is not vast.

OP posts:

ScummyMummy · 13/02/2007 16:46

Poor you and ds. Go to your GP and ask for advice/find out if s/he knows of any support in your area. These people may be able to help too.

ScummyMummy · 13/02/2007 16:47

Ok. Maybe not if you're not in the UK. What do you think would help?

Original poster

scruffymum · 13/02/2007 16:51

I am actually pretty much on the ball with my kids and feel in all honesty that my son is frustrated , he does all his schooing in German and the system is quite rigid, however he does have poor concentration levels but this is because he is lazy he can concentrate on things he wants to and finds intresting I am just so shocked a9year old can think ybout dying.

OP posts:

StrawberrySnowflakes · 13/02/2007 16:54

regardless of wether you want him to go to counselling, he needs someone to talk to openly, this child is having great difficulties for a boy of his age and to say those things is a massive cry for help.
ask him, what he thinks may help, go in with some suggestions, if there are few schools, look into which are the better ones.good luck

Sheraz · 13/02/2007 16:54

No advice sorry, but poor you and poor little chap. That is heart breaking.

foundintranslation · 13/02/2007 16:56

Are you in Germany then? The system's really not perfect is it? My ds is not 2 yet, but I live in Germany and teach trainee teachers. Any particular issues with the school going on? is he worried about which school he'll be going to next?

Original poster

scruffymum · 13/02/2007 16:57

I can talk to my son, he tells me everything and belive you me I am not burying my head in the sand, my gut reaction is a different school but my choice is really that limited I have to work with what I have or haul the whole family back to the UK.
So changing schools is out of the option palette, we can talk, I know the teacher well and I admit he doesn^t get invited to play much and to birthdays etc and yes I am heartbroken for him.
Is it extreme what he is saying or willit pass?

OP posts:

ULOVEYSEES · 13/02/2007 17:00

yes scruffymum I have had experience. DS1 was like this for a few months, very very negative and saying he wanted to die. He also is very intelligent. He was fairly popular in school but made out he wasn't. Can I ask is your son a perfectionist? Does he hate to lose at games? DS1 hates competition and it can get him down.
Well now for the good news, he's come through it and it fine In fact he's a very lovely 9 year old. He's mature for his age and has an amazing sense of humour.
When we were in the midst of it all though I was so guilty, thinking I'd caused it.
I wonder if it's hormonal?

ULOVEYSEES · 13/02/2007 17:02

If it would help he could talk to my son by email? There's a couple of mumsnetters who know me in RL and a few have met me at the meet up so I'm not some hairy trucker
I won't tell my son what's going on don't worry. He's a lovely kid and would love an email pal.

Original poster

scruffymum · 13/02/2007 17:05

Thanks Ulovely I am sure he is a bit of a drama queen as when things are not going his way he does tend to try it on but today it was more extreme than usual and he has had a series of bad marks recently which I thinkhave got him down, he is not a perfectionist but likes everybody to like him so I think one curt remarke can ruin his day.
But why would a 9yrold thinkof dying?

OP posts:

ULOVEYSEES · 13/02/2007 17:06

Oh drama queen is what I call DS1 all the time! He certainly is ermmmm...passionate about stuff

newtotheplanet · 13/02/2007 17:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

pointydog · 13/02/2007 17:41

oh scruffy, that is sad. I ca n't help at all but hope you find a way forward

Marney · 01/05/2010 19:13

My daughter has sometimes been low about not having alot of friends but we have an added problem of living in an area where you just dont co out of the door when its dark.When she tried to deliver local papers local children would tip them all out and some other child would bang on the door for me to come help she would be heartbroken the papers blowing all over the place She spent years inside after her first ride around the estate on her bike with a friend ended with older boys she didnt know hitting her on her face with stones they threw.I have had to spend lots of time listening to her when she has been down she was helped a lot though by the amazing holidays run bythe yha the do it for real holidays unfortunately they are only once a year'
ive also done what i could to get her learning cool things like scuba diving if we have had a holiday Make sure he knows you love him and if you can give him some cool things to do so he feels life is worth living hopefully hope im not being annoying and this helps a bit

Marney · 01/05/2010 19:15

oh no I somehow got on 2007 im still learning to use the computer just seen the date!!

seashore · 01/05/2010 19:19

You are in complete denial, your son needs counselling it doesn't matter if you don't want him in counselling He Needs it. I am sorry I know you don't want to hear that but it is the only option. I had problems at 13 yrs and my parents didn't get me help, I have never forgiven them. Your son is so young now it is a chance to get in there and know you did your best. Give him a chance to deal with his problems get him counselling. He is basically telling you he needs help, so get him help.

KorkiiEffenkrakers · 01/05/2010 20:06

If my son was so unhappy, I'd take him out of the school. It's just not worth it.

menopausemad · 01/05/2010 20:16

My son was 10 when he started wanting to die, he made up songs about it, the whole lot. We were referred by GP to a psychiatrist, not a counsellor. He diagnosed depression and Asperger's. This was all explained to son and it was as though a weight was lifted off his shoulders. He understood he was good at some things and lousy at others (including social skills). Over the next few months we did a lot of talking about how to interact with friends (and how to make friends). Life is not perfect for him now but he has a good bunch of friends and is happy.

Don't ignore it, get some help.

Jux · 01/05/2010 20:19

DD was like this not long ago. I do sympathise with you. I think there can be very few things worse than having a child who wants to die, especially at that age (dd was only just 10 when she told me).

We went straight to counselling. She has developed a very good relationship with her counsellor and it is very helpful to her. About 8 months down the line I would say my dd no longer wants to be dead and is much more positive and able to cope with set backs.

We also arranged for her to be supported by the school so that she could see someone every day for a few minutes to offload. Though this didn't actually quite work in practise, the fact that the school were aware of her mental state, and that she knew she could go to someone if she needed to, has helped enormously.

I had considered home ed, but know from past experience, it doesn't work for us. However, if I were in your situation, with not much choice of alternative schools, and if dd's school had been less helpful, I would have HEd her as it had to be better than what is happening atm.

You really need to get your son to a counsellor or to drastically change his circumstances.

uggbug · 04/05/2010 21:39

Hi scruffymum just a thought - there was an article in Grazia last week or week before about a lady who's child had similar feelings and it turned out he was bipolar, which can be treated. Really hope you manage to get some useful help for him quickly.

ChippingIn · 04/05/2010 22:51

PEOPLE THIS THREAD IS FROM 2007

I was wondering why none of the names seemed at all familiar

Marney - don't worry, it happens!!

I wonder how scruffymum's son is doing now?

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